


An Empire's Fall

by czechia



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Amnesia AU, F/M, Modern AU, Plus an extra au that makes it all then more fun !, Some blood and gore, i have no idea what i'm doing but I love this au and hopefully we'll all get to see it realized, is love really enough if it's saturated in blood?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-17
Updated: 2018-03-28
Packaged: 2018-11-02 00:35:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 69,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10933299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/czechia/pseuds/czechia
Summary: Rey wakes up on a beach far, far away from where she should be. But where exactly is that again? And who is she? Why was she nearly dead? It's probably going to take more than a few days to figure this one out.“I’m sorry, Kylo,” was all she could say.She watched as he set the jacket down on the arm of the couch and looked back at her. “You used to call me Ben.”





	1. Treading Water

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I've written a few reylo things before but nothing like this, so I hope you all enjoy it! There's a lot to be explored, explained, like where exactly Rey's from, who she is, and where the hell is Kylo if this is actually a reylo fic. Stick around and some of the questions might get answered ;). 
> 
> Also, I'm at vvhenan ( vvhenan.tumblr.com ) on tumblr, so come check me out as I scream about this au. Let me know what you think and I'll try and get the next chapter out as soon as possible.

_Rey!_

She couldn’t breathe, could barely see anything past a pastel blue sky. Something- someone had been compressing her lungs for her?

_What- no- stop!_

She sputtered and coughed up the water that had been occupying her lungs, fingers digging into something- sand?

_Please!_

Her head had been pounding; it felt like something was trying to crawl its way out of her head. She would have thrown up if she could, but all she could taste was lake and blood.

_Stay!_

Suddenly Rey coughed up the rest of the water from her lungs and sat up, her chest aching as she took stock of what exactly was happening to her.

She looked around, staring up the man who had just saved her life.   He was crouched beside her and since she had sat up, had retracted his hands as she sucked in a breath.

He had short black hair that complemented his dark complexion, and he was sporting, what, beach clothes? Her own were thoroughly soaked, although they were nothing impressive. She was in a tank top and hoodie, along with sweatpants.

“Are you okay?” The man asked her, searching her face and giving her a once-over as she got her bearings. “What happened?”

Rey looked blankly at him, pausing for a moment. She had no idea. She opened her mouth and then closed it, realizing how that sounded. Where were they?

“Where are we?” She heard herself ask instead, voice rough as she had just been, what, dead?

“Chicago, the US,” he paused, regarding her. “Where are you from?”

Rey flinched at the question, no answer coming to mind. She couldn’t remember anything about _herself_ , but somehow that information didn’t surprise her and she immediately understood where they were. Instead of answering a direct answer, she coughed again, and the man in front of her pulled out his phone.  

“I’m just going to get us a ride to the hospital because I’m pretty sure I broke some of your ribs…” The man pressed the phone to his ear as he stood, giving her a concerned look. “And I mean… I think you died there for a bit.”

Rey frowned, her right hand going to feel her ribs and while they were sore, they certainty weren’t broken. “I-I’m okay, I just-.”

The man talked to the operator and Rey flexed her fingers, trying to get a handle on her surroundings. She was on a beach, yes, but in Chicago? Why was she there? She had heard her own accent and that didn’t sound like this man’s, it wasn’t American; it was clearly English. If she wasn’t American, then what had her purpose been in the US?

Why was she in such plain clothes? What-?

“What time is it?” The question flew out of her mouth before she had a chance to even really contemplate it.

“The time?” The man who had gotten off the phone, with 911? checked his phone for the answer. “It’s 4:30pm. Look, I’m going to stay with you until my friend Poe arrives, yeah? I’m Finn.” He offered his hand out to her, clearly offering to help her stand.

Rey took his hand and wrapped her free hand around herself, water dripping through her clothing. “I’m Rey.”

“Nice to meet you, Rey. So, uh, what happened? Did you fall off a boat or just get pulled out by the tide?”

“I-,” she sucked in a breath, looking past him and examining the city skyline behind him. “I don’t know. I don’t remember anything at all.”

-

Finn had called his friend Poe who had picked them up, Rey sitting in the back of the car wrapped in an old jacket that Poe had had stored in the trunk. During the ride, the two of them had questioned Rey, trying to gauge exactly how much she remembered about who she was and why she had been lying on the beach with barely any pulse.

For all the memory that Rey lacked, she was grateful that at least she wasn’t _actually_ injured; she had no cuts nor bruises on her, and despite what Finn had said, he hadn’t broken any of her ribs. They said it was a miracle that she was alive and she agreed with them. As much as it terrified her to be lacking in any sense of identity, she was glad to have them.  

They had been driving for fifteen minutes, the both of them probing her with questions in hopes that she might remember something, but after Rey grew frustrated at herself, they had stopped their line of questioning. Instead of letting the vehicle stay silent, however, Rey tried to think of anything that could help.

“I _do_ know where we are,” she stated, hand clutching the jacket around her wet frame.

Poe glanced away from the standstill traffic they had gotten stuck in. “What do you mean? Chicago?”

“Yes, well, no. I mean, I recognize these streets,” Rey saw them slowly approaching a café. “I think I’ve been there before.”

“You must’ve really hit your head out there,” Finn murmured sympathetically. The younger man had shifted in his seat so that he could more easily look back at Rey. “But at least we know you lived here for some time.” 

Rey gently ran a hand through her wet hair as much as she could, searching for some sort of head injury. There was none.

“Yeah, I must’ve…” She gave him a soft smile, glad for the company. “But I really don’t think that I need to go to the hospital, I don’t have any injuries.” She tugged on her hair slightly, trying to get it into some semblance of order. “See? Nothing hurts; there’s no cuts.”

Finn watched her, frowning faintly, gaze focused on her ministrations with her hands. After a moment, it was Poe who spoke up. “Maybe you just fell asleep and the tide came up?”

“Maybe…”

“There wasn’t anything else near you,” Finn suggested, a soft frown occupying his features. “I didn’t see any bags, no blankets like you had a picnic, nothing like that.”

“Could’ve gotten blown away,” Poe suggested. “I know that happens to plenty of people.”

Rey shrugged and just looked out at the city again, brows furrowing. “I don’t think that happened to me, but then again I don’t know _who_ I am, so I don’t think I’m going to be much help. But I still don’t need to go to the hospital, I just… I think I just need a place to stay until I figure all this out.”

“I’m not going to take you straight to the police, I doubt they’re going to believe any of this.”

Finn glanced at his friend’s statement and nodded, expression softening from the frown it had been sporting. “You’re welcome to stay with us until you figure out exactly what happened to you, Rey.”

She looked at the man who had saved her life, smile growing as she felt hope for the first time since she’d waken up.

“Really? Thank you so much.” Rey leaned back into the car’s cushions, trying not to let everything overwhelm her. “I just- I don’t know where to even start. I can, uh- clean? I just-.”

Finn smiled and waved away her suggestions. “Don’t worry about it, really. We just want to make sure that you’re safe and that, I dunno, that you stay okay.”

“Despite being water-logged,” Poe chimed in.

Rey laughed softly, surprising herself as well as the two men, and soon everyone in the car was laughing along.

-

Finn and Poe’s apartment was on the outskirts of Boystown, that Rey could at least recognize, and she glanced up when they pointed out their window as they drove up to the building. They were on the fourth floor, and Rey, although grateful for the help walking up the stairs to the building entrance, wasn’t as terribly exhausted as she thought she should be.

The apartment was cozy and felt lived-in, with shoes scattered near the entrance and various books cluttering the space in unexpected places. A dining room table had been pushed against the wall between the kitchen and living room, giving the space a homey feel. It also had one bedroom that the two of them offered to her, but Rey resisted, stating that she felt bad enough for imposing her company on them like she was.

They offered the use of the shower and a change of clothes and she gladly took up their offer, hoping to get a chance to really examine herself for any wounds.

Rey, once in the privacy of the bathroom, quietly stripped as she heard the sounds of the two of them cooking, or at least attempting to do so. Once her wet clothes were in a pile on the tiled floor, she went to work attempting to categorize any injuries she might have sustained. Much to her suspicions, she wasn’t injured at all. She had various small scars across her body, but no fresh injuries that she could pin her memory loss on.

Suddenly, she wondered what had happened to her phone. She felt stupid, standing there in the middle of their bathroom and rummaging through her recently discarded clothes. There had been no phone. Had she lost it in the water? Had someone stolen it?

Rey groaned softly and instead tried to focus on the future; what was she going to do? She showered, vaguely recognizing the brands of shampoo and conditioner that they had, trying to find hope in that, at least. Afterwards, she dressed in the clothes they had given her, sweats and a hoodie, finding it comfortable if nothing else.

Leaving the bathroom, Rey found herself nearly tripping over an orange tabby which dashed away after she was disturbed. Asking about the cat, Poe told her that she was called BB-8.

She spent the evening with the two men, learning more about their lives. Poe’s full name was Poe Dameron and he owned his own business fixing up higher end cars. He said he got a lot of clients from the wealthier neighborhood of Lincoln Park. Finn, on the other hand, was in his last year of college. He attended Loyola University and made his dissatisfaction known to Rey multiple times.

“I’m just trying to get out as soon as I can,” he sighed as they all sat on the couch. All three were watching re-runs of Downton Abbey, although Rey didn’t really know what was going on. Poe had tried to fill her in as it was his favorite show, but she just smiled and nodded in reply.

“Yes, Finn, we know that that school is sucking your soul out bit by bit every time that you go on campus.”

“And every time people mention that they make their own damn soap.” Finn shrugged and Poe smirked at the obviously familiar story. “They keep trying to get me to participate but that’s never going to happen.”

Eventually the two left her to sleep on the couch, complete with a blanket and a pillow as well. Rey still had no idea who she was; she had no age, no name, no history. She curled up into a ball and racked her brains for any idea of _anything,_ really. She could recall vague facts and history but she couldn’t recall any memories.

 Despite lying down and trying to go to sleep, it took Rey about three hours to get her mind to settle. She was unable to stop herself from ruminating on how exactly she had ended up in the giant lake, how she had washed ashore nearly dead. She just wanted to know who she was and what had happened to her. While she didn’t think that spending time at Finn and Poe’s place was a waste of time, she couldn’t figure out exactly what it was accomplishing.

When they did eventually go to the police, what help would they be? She knew that if she didn’t have documentation, and apparently she wasn’t from the US, that they could possibly detain her. But she wasn’t a threat to them, so what then?

The thought that she would be locked up in a police station shook her to her bones and she tried to shake off the dread. There was no reason for her to be afraid of the police, well, besides what they’d been all over the news doing. Rey kept readjusting herself on the couch, staring up at the ceiling as she furrowed her brows. If she _was_ deported, was it the worst thing to happen?

She didn’t know anyone anywhere else, but then again, maybe her family was back in the UK? Rey had no idea. Maybe she was actually criminal on the run and that’s why she had such a strong aversion to talking to the police.

When Rey got to the point of nothing making sense, she passed out, tucking her arm underneath her arm and opting to hold onto the pillow the had provided her. She needed something to ground her in this world of madness.

-

When Rey opened her eyes, she was standing and looking out over Paris. She was currently standing on the highest viewing deck that the tower had to offer, and the sky was stained a lilac purple. Clouds drifted above her head, and the sun was on its way to setting. Looking down at herself, she was wearing a rather nice sundress, and her hair was done up in an unfamiliar way.

Rey frowned and found herself holding a glass of champagne, when she looked at her left hand, and none it made sense. Lost for words, she looked behind her and saw some tourists milling around, but no one met her eye. Was she alone again? What was happening? She turned to look back over the city, glancing over the older part and then to the newer developments that made the city look uncharacteristically futuristic.

Something compelled Rey to take a sip of the champagne and she found that it had an amazing, familiar taste. Suddenly, she heard a voice from behind her.

_There you are._

 


	2. Bridging the Gap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey tries to figure out how she knows Chicago, if she actually went to university, and why she likes a painting so much. Also, a 'friend' shows up. It's all pretty mysterious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! Ready for more confusion? So am I! Here we learn a little bit about Rey, Finn, and Poe, as well as Chicago. I hope it's fun even if it might be confusing. 
> 
> Obligatory plug that you can find me at my tumblr ( vvhenan.tumblr.com ) and try and get answers out of me there. (Also I'm pretty cool. Okay, not really, but...)

Rey woke up gasping for breath, sitting up on the couch as faint light poured in through the window in the kitchen, filtering into the living room. She wrapped her arms around her knees and tried to slow her breathing as she tried to slow her thoughts. What had that been? Had that been a dream? A memory? If it had been a memory then _who_ had she been with? How recent was it?

When Finn and Poe finally woke up about an hour later, they provided her some clothes that weren’t just pajamas. Despite the size difference, she managed to fit one into of their small tees, a pair of skinny jeans, and a pair of converse that were a size too big. After she changed and they made some breakfast, the three of them sat together sat the table, planning what they were going to do for the day.

As Finn and Poe talked about what they had to get done, from classwork, to finances, to managing the shop, Rey felt like she was intruding. She knew that they had invited her to stay with them, but she had no idea how she would be able to repay them. She briefly considered trying to get a job, but she had no experience, no identification. It was overwhelming to even try and consider. Trying to avoid those types of thoughts, she shifted her focus to their plans.

It was a Saturday from what Rey gathered, and while neither of the men had places to go to, Finn had papers to work on for his current courses. He explained that he had been putting off doing some of the work for a research paper and needed to get it done as soon as possible. Although he wanted to show Rey some of the city to try and spark her memory, it was Poe who offered to take her to the Belmont stop to buy her some clothes. Rey took up the offer, making it clear that she would make sure to pay them back. Her worries about paying them back were somewhat calmed when they assured her that repaying them was the least of her worries.

About an hour later, Rey and Poe took the L, the metro system which stretched across all of Chicago. As they did, Rey stared out the window of the seat she had, looking out at the city when they weren’t underground. Although she couldn’t recall any memories about the places they passed, it felt as if she had been there before. She had instinctively known how to swipe the Ventra passed loaned to her by Finn, and which entrance to take in order to head north. It was a surreal experience for Rey, to be passing landmarks and having an idea of what it was like to be there, but to have no memory of experiencing it.

When they finally got off, it was less of a decision of where to go and more choosing where they _wouldn’t_ go. The Belmont stop was lined with stores and restaurants, a CVS; there were essentially stores for almost everything one might need. What caught Rey’s eye, however, was the large pink house which stood on its own and had a personality which kept her attention. Although it was essentially just a house, Rey kept finding her gaze drawn to it. Maybe she had seen it before?

Poe managed to convince her that it was just a house and was just always there, and the two set off getting some type of wardrobe for her. They went through nearby thrift shops, picking up clothes that were relatively interchangeable so that she could make outfits fairly easily.

After getting some clothes, the two of them went to a nearby restaurant of sorts called Cheesies. During their lunch, they speculated a bit about what they could, if it meant anything that she liked the pink house, or if her taste in clothes hinted at anything. Eventually they finished their meals and were headed back to the apartment.

As they rode, sitting side-by-side, Rey played with the strings of a hoodie they had picked up and she was currently enjoying. It was dark purple and although it wasn’t terribly warm, it was comfortable. Suddenly a thought occurred to her as she looked over at Poe.

“Hey, Poe?”  

“Hmm?” He’d been on his phone and flicking through some social media site.

“Do you think… do you have any old phones I could use?” She gave him a hopeful smile. “Maybe I had an email or something… I dunno.”

“I know we looked you up on Facebook but maybe you’ll remember something else? But yeah, I have an old iPhone back home you should be able to use. It won’t have any service but we’ve got wifi and there are a lot of places in the city which do.” He paused and continued to think. “We might be able to get you a pay-as-you-go one, if you’d like.”

Rey paused for a moment, thinking it over. “I- I would appreciate that.”

“And don’t bother feeling guilty about it, okay? You’re the one who’s lost and having an identity crisis here. Finn and I have- well we have some of it figured it out.” He gave her a comforting smile and nudged her shoulder. “You don’t need to worry about us.”

After the two returned, they planned out the rest of the week and Rey receive an older iPhone that Poe had recently replaced. After being given the phone, she set to checking any and all possible websites which provided people email accounts, although this proved fruitless. She couldn’t come up with any ideas for email addresses and was lost for a password that she might use.

Looking for herself on social media proved even more useless, as she couldn’t find herself on Facebook, LinkedIn, or anything of the sort. She couldn’t guess any usernames for any other websites, and eventually gave up trying to guess places she would’ve frequented before. When she did set a passcode for her phone, however, her mind immediately provided her with a code: 1984. Rey had frowned when it came to her, having no idea how that might relate to her. She wasn’t old enough for it to be her birthday, but possibly it was family member’s?

 The weekend mostly involved Rey playing with their cat as the men dealt with their own responsibilities.

It was on Sunday evening that Finn suggested that Rey could accompany him during his time at classes. Rey easily agreed, and they all speculated about if it might bring back some of her memories.

“Maybe you’ll be able to remember when you went to college,” Finn said as they all played with BB-8. The cat was chasing a laser about the living room as a re-run played on the tv.

“I guess I would’ve, right?”

Poe shrugged, flicking his wrist and making the cat dash across the room in a flurry. “Any idea of what you think you studied?”

“Honestly? I’ve no idea.” Rey let out a loud sigh and watched the BB-8 with a bit of jealousy at the cat’s care-free attitude. “I guess not fashion, no offense.”

“None taken.” They all thought for a moment. “Architecture? You were in love with that pink house.”

She snorted. “I don’t think I was very good at it if I _did_.”

-

Going to Finn’s university excited Rey more that it should have, or did it? Rey couldn’t really tell but she excitedly talked with him on the way there. He had already explained that he was taking the last of his business requirements; he had marketing and writing class on Mondays and Wednesdays. He had invited her to sit in on some of his classes, see if anything reminded her of anything, or if she wanted, Finn suggested just wandering around the campus.

“Maybe you came here at some point and time,” he had offered in passing. Rey didn’t think it was likely, but was eager for the chance to get out again. She had a feeling that she knew the city, and although Loyola wasn’t going to be the answer to everything, it couldn’t hurt.

When they finally got off the Red Line and Rey got a look at the campus, she couldn’t help but relax and. Its architecture was unique compared to the sprawling city around it, and she was surprised at how Finn could grow to resent such a place.

“I’ll show you the lake before we head to class, yeah?” Finn gave her a smile and she eagerly returned it. “Do you think you’ve been here before?”

“I- not really.” Rey shrugged. “But maybe I’ll recognize some of your subjects? I could’ve studied _something_ related to business. Maybe.”

“Maybe, but you know, business isn’t all bad.” Finn led them down a path that curved towards the lakeside. “I’m really hoping to make a change, you know? Get people to stop associating businessmen as old white men in suits.”

The two of them continued their way, Rey almost rushing ahead to see the lake as it pulled her forward.

“Hey, wait minute!” Finn called playfully as she dashed ahead, and she looked back in response.

“What, afraid that I’ll fall-” Rey’s laughter was interrupted as she collided into something-someone? She slowed herself as much as she could, briefly looking at the person she had ran into. He wasn’t much to talk about, a ginger who had a cigarette in his mouth and was currently giving her the stink eye. 

“Excuse _you_ ,” he breathed back, sending smoke her way. Rey blinked but gave him a sheepish look.

“Sorry!” She then turned and continued on her way to the overlook, gripping the rails and taking in a deep breath.

Finn showed up beside her and learned against the raining as well, letting out a sigh. The two had a clear view of the lake and had a fair breeze. “Sometimes, at least, I don’t regret coming here so much.”

“Is it really that bad?”

“No, not really? I mean it’s really religious, which is fine, but I’ve had enough of that for a while.”

Rey gave him a sidelong look. “Your family?”

“Yeah.” Finn shrugged, giving her a more hopeful look. “But now I’ve got Poe, and some friends from on campus.”

She nodded and took in a deep breath, eyes closed as she felt the wind grow stronger. “I think I used to go swimming a lot, in oceans, in lakes, pools… whatever I could find.”

“I guess that sorta explains why you were in the lake.” He paused a beat. “I mean not really, but I’m glad that this brings you a little bit of peace.”

They stood there for a few more minutes until Finn checked the time and they headed to one of his lectures. It turned out that Rey had very little interest in business marketing and creative writing in general, even electing to wander about campus for the last hour of the latter.

She connected to their wifi via the password Finn gave her and sat in the cafeteria, looking about and watching the students mill about. She was a little older than all of them, she suspected, but she fit right in. Where had she gone to university? Had she lived in the same city? The same country? She had no idea.

-

It was a Friday when Poe offered to take her to the Art Institute of Chicago, even going so far as to take off a day at work to do so. They both hoped that since she seemed eager to go there, that perhaps she had some connection to it, to art, to _something_. Instead, when they got there and checked in his bag, Rey found that nothing clicked in her mind. She recognized some of the paintings vaguely, could even name a few pieces of the modern art.

“You must’ve really loved modern art,” Poe commented as she kept talking about some of the pieces, even being able to go so far as to tell him the history of a few.

“I… I honestly don’t even like them that much.” She frowned and stood in front of _Hunting Party._ She looked at the dogs and their owners which were in black and white, all of them blurring in with the background. The image had an interesting method of making the picture, but other than the dogs there wasn’t much that piqued her interest. Well, that was beside the fact that the picture seemed to scream that it deserved her attention.

“You okay there?”

Rey tore her gaze away from the painting, uncrossing her arms. “It’s just _killing_ me. I _know_ this painting, but I can’t remember from where.”

“Small steps, right? Hey, we can go down to the lake and get something to eat. Maybe we can look stuff up on it down there.”

She let out a breath and nodded, pulling out her phone and taking a picture of it before they left. They headed out the nearest entrance, the walls made of glass. Soon they were on their way back, passing the main entrance again and then crossing the bridge which went above the various exposed L tracks.

“Shit,” Poe muttered as they made their way across. The two of them stopped and Rey leant against the lip of the stone bridge. “I forgot my backpack, give me a minute?”

“Oh! Yeah, sure. I’ll just wait here.” She offered Poe a smile and he nodded before turning away and hurrying back.

Rey watched him walk away and then looked about, admiring the skyline and breathing in a deep breath. It was going to be okay, even if she didn’t know why she was in Chicago. She still didn’t know what she was going to do and if she was going to be okay.

“Fancy seeing you around here, Rey.” She recognized the voice; it was the man from Loyola, the redhead. Rey tuned her head and saw him approaching her. “Back from the dead, are we?”

“W-what? How do you know my name? Aren’t you the professor from earlier?”

“So you don’t know me? Christ Rey, what did you do?”

Rey took a step back and stared at the man in front of her. “Who are you?”

“A friend; it’s Hux.” There was a pause as Rey’s mind tried to come up with a question that would get all the answers out of him. Who was she? Where was she from? What had happened to her? How did they know one another? Why hadn’t he stopped her the other day? “Don’t hurt yourself, sweetheart.”

Rey blinked at the endearment, a strange feeling creeping out of her. He seemed to be referring to something but she couldn’t even guess what it was. She wasn’t disgusted as she might have expected, but she wasn’t happy about it either. “Hux.” She tried his name out and frowned at the sound of it. It sounded annoying. “Do you know what happened to me?”

“No, I didn’t even know you were back.”

“Where did I go?”

“I thought you and- I thought you were headed to New York.” Rey stared at the man in front of her. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “You don’t remember what you are, do you?”

“What I am? Don’t you mean who I am?”

Hux shook his head slowly. “Maybe this will help you.” He reached out and closed the distance, putting a hand on her shoulder. His grip was hard, far more intense than the moment called for, but it was he who took a steadying breath. “Don’t worry, you’ll survive this.”

Rey sucked in a breath and she felt the man push her backwards. It would have been directly backwards had she not been so close to the railing, but because of where she was situated, she was not so lucky. Rey was forced backwards, tumbling over the rail and able to look down just in time to see the tracks of the L quickly approaching.

She blinked as her head smacked into the metal and her body collided with the ground. Rey groaned and closed her eyes. Maybe this Hux individual wasn’t her friend after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kylo? In a reylo fic? Nonsense. 
> 
> Nah, we'll see him, eventually... 
> 
> The painting they're talking about can be seen here:  
> http://www.artic.edu/aic/collections/artwork/229365?search_no=1&index=10  
> I've seen it irl and it's pretty cool, you should see it if you get the chance. 
> 
> Shout out to my best friend ( http://bits-of-a-star-gone-wrong.tumblr.com/ ) who led to Hux being incorporated in here. He might be back. 
> 
> Also shout out to sleemo for mentioning how weird it would to be without a phone, as it reminded me to make sure she actually got one.


	3. Who the Hux Are You?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey goes climbing, speculates about her past, and gets a little overwhelmed with what's going on. She's still working on figuring it all out. Also, where's Kylo?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! I'm really enjoy writing and we'll see how long I can keep updating like this. Also, this chapter's a doozy and almost as long as the previous two taken together. I hope you all enjoy! 
> 
> Here's what the bridge that she and Poe were at looks like, fyi: https://www.google.com/maps/@41.8783463,-87.6226868,3a,75y,359h,84.41t/data=!3m6!1e1!3m4!1smK75EKpMFhIUqyDHzUiO_A!2e0!7i13312!8i6656

Rey’s head throbbed for a few seconds, but as she lay on the pebbles and the rails, she was relieved at the fact that nothing felt broken. After a few moments, her head even stopped hurting. She, in fact, was able to sit up after sustaining what she suspected should have been brain damage. Rey looked up and saw Hux standing in the same place he had been before; the man even went so far as to lean over the rail and look down at her. Speechless, she watched as he tossed down a small piece of paper.

“Call me, when you want to know what’s actually going on.” He called out before turning away and leaving her alone on the pebbles.

Rey took some deep breaths, gingerly touching her head and limbs in search of something that might’ve been broken, perhaps any bleeding. When she couldn’t find any type of injuries, she frowned and pinched herself. She definitely wasn’t dreaming. She had fallen onto metal and rocks and was… what? Indestructible?

Rey scanned her surroundings; all around her were various train and L cars that had nowhere to go, although she suspected that there would be one coming along sometime soon. She quickly got up and walked over to the piece of paper which Hux had dropped. She turned it over before deciding to pocket it after she saw that it had been a phone number. While she wasn’t sure that contacting him would be a good idea, she hadn’t met anyone else who knew anything about her.

Rey’s mind raced as she walked to a nearby wall, it was about ten feet to the bottom of the wall to the top, which was where the ground was even. She took it all it, considering how she would be able to get out. Her mind, however, was less focused on that and more concerned with everything that had just happened. Was she indestructible? How did Hux know her? _What_ was she?

Pushing these thoughts from her head, Rey’s hands instinctively skimmed the face of rock wall and she moved almost without thinking, pulling herself up the wall. She made sure to test her hand holds as she made her was up the ten-foot wall, but otherwise didn’t doubt her movements. It felt natural, almost instinctive, for her put her muscles to use and do this type of climbing. It took her only a minute to get herself up and over the wall, and she grimaced as she looked back down to where she had been pushed.

 Hux had known that she would be unharmed, hadn’t he? But why had he pushed her? They clearly weren’t friends but if he hated her, then why hadn’t he done something about it earlier at Loyola?

Rey’s attention was drawn to Poe as he spotted her. The man jogged up to her, looking her over with a concerned look.

“Woah, woah, what were you doing down there down there? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Rey breathed, running a hand through her hair. “Look, this is going to sound bad but I think I met someone who knows me. He just pushed me off the bridge--.”

“ _What_?”

“But look! I’m fine, nothing’s broken and my head doesn’t even hurt anymore!”  

Poe looked at her as if she had sprouted a second head. “Rey, I think you might’ve hit your head…”

“Oh, I did, but look,” Rey ran her hand through her hair and showed him where she had just previously hit her head. “Nothing’s broken or bleeding or…”

“I think that we should get back to the apartment.” Poe put a hand on her shoulder and began to lead them back to where they had initially come from.

“Poe, listen to me, I’m good, it’s almost like…” Rey’s eyes widened. “Am I some type of superhero?”

Poe groaned and kept the two of them moving. “Let’s go, Wonder Woman.”

-

When they returned to the apartment, Rey used an excuse that she had to use the bathroom in order to add Hux’s number to her phone. As she sat on the toilet lid with the phone in her hands, she stared past the door to where Poe would be. He had made it clear that he didn’t believe her, and what would he make of the man who had pushed her onto the tracks? When she came back out, he had obviously texted Finn and she sighed at the look the older man was giving her.

“Seriously, Poe, I’m fine.” She flexed her fingers and looked around the apartment. Having another brush with danger was almost invigorating. “I think… I think I could even jump off the roof and show you what I mean.”

“Rey, _no_. I can’t believe that I have to tell you this, but you can’t go around throwing yourself off buildings.”

“I’d be fine!” She moved past him, looking about the kitchen.

Poe, seeming to sense her motives, followed her. “Rey, you’re not going to hurt yourself just to try and prove to me what you think happened.” He sucked in a breath and sat himself in front of the cutting knives. “You mentioned that you ran into someone that knows you? What happened to them?”

“He was the one who pushed me off the bridge, but don’t worry about that.” She moved in front of him and then went to the sink, picking up a fork.

“Rey, do you realize how little sense you’re making?” Poe furrowed his brows and rubbed his forehead. “This man shows up, pushes you over a bridge and- no!”

Rey had taken the fork and with little pretense, stabbed her own hand as it laid on top of the dining table. Poe immediately rushed over and his hand hovered over Rey’s. Instead of going straight through her hand, the fork had simply bent and her hand was no worse for wear. She grinned at the sight of the bent fork prongs and held it up to Poe.

“See?”

“What?” Poe retracted his hand and took a step away. “What the hell is going on?”

“I have no idea but I think Hux knows, he knew how to show me, even if he was an arsehole about it.”

“ _Jesus_ , Rey.”

“Here, _look_.” She stepped closer to him and held up her hand to the light from the kitchen window. She had no cuts, no blood, nothing to indicate she had just attempted to injure herself. Rey turned her gaze to the fork she had bent and frowned softly, the tiniest bit guilty that she had damaged her friends’ property.

Poe frowned and then after several moments of silence, he shrugged in surrender. “Maybe you are a super hero?”

“Here in Chicago? Have you heard anything about me on tv?”

“Rey, I have no idea if you were some sort of vigilante roaming the streets at night, but if you had these _powers_ before we found you, you were keeping it on the down low.”

Rey took the fork in both hands and straightened out its prongs, getting it to resemble its original form. “Sorry to worry you, with the stabbing but I think… I think I’ll be okay.”

The two sat together for a few minutes, Rey messing with and bending the fork as they considered it all.

“You know, you can’t just go out and do things like this, right?” Poe eyed the fork. “It’s going to draw attention and it’s clear that you were hiding this.”

“Obviously.”

“I mean, you did suggest jumping off a building.”

Rey gave him a look but conceded. “Alright, alright.” She pulled out her phone. “Guess I should tell you now, but uh, the guy who pushed me, gave me his number.”

“Why didn’t he just stick around?”

“I think you might’ve tackled him, don’t you think? And I don’t think that you would’ve listened to anything he had to say.”

“Are you trying to defend him?”

Rey made a face, insulted at the suggestion. “No! I just get it, is all. I’m not glad about hitting my head on metal train tracks either.”

The two of them ended up going over possibilities of what could have happened to her, ranging from being born that way to having been experimented on. When Finn finally came home, Rey gave the same demonstration that she had done with Poe, although the younger man had a bit more of a warning. He ended up joining the discussion and speculation as well, all three of them sitting at the kitchen table while BB-8 stretched across the table.

“I don’t want to be the one to suggest this, but Rey, are you a vampire?” This idea elicited groans from everyone at the table, and Rey made a face.

“I’ve been out in the sun, you’ve seen me! It hasn’t burned me once.”

“But do you sparkle?”

“Finn!” Rey sighed and set her head down on the table, extending a hand out to pet the cat.

Poe looked between the two of them. “Have we not considered that you might be a demi god?”

“I highly doubt that.” Rey snorted and combed her fingers through BB-8’s fur. The cat seemed uninterested. “Who’s bastard child would I be, anyway?”

Finn propped up his chin on the palm of his hand. “Which religion are we even talking about here?”

The conversation went round in circles, none of them having any real answers for why Rey was practically impervious to injury and how to account for her extraordinary strength. They did, however, discuss the possibilities of who Hux was and why he had approached her the way he had.

Rey confirmed that they definitely were _not_ friends; the way that she had reacted even to his name was evidence of that. Other than that, they had no real idea. They wondered if they had been enemies or worked together at some time in the past, an idea she was less keen to agree with. Rey had no idea what to text or call him about, and some part of her even resented the idea.

Although her curiosity was slowly eating away at her, her annoyance and disgust was the man was enough to make her protest the suggestions of Finn and Poe that she contact him. _Yes_ , he could give her answers, but that was the last thing that she wanted to. She didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of having given her something; as it stood she resented him enough for giving her a hint to what was going on with her.

In the end, she didn’t give Hux the satisfaction of texting him, deciding to wait for at least a few more days. She would try and get her memories to come back any other way, whether that was through watching tv or by trying out new things.

That night, Rey found herself in the midst of another dream, memory, or something of the sort. She was climbing up a sheer wall of rock, and the air was dry and extremely hot. A dry breeze was present for a moment and she realized as she felt sweat dripping down her neck, that her hair was up in a strange three-bun pattern. She was about a fifty feet away from the top of the wall, but she was making steady progress. When she glanced down, she saw there was an enormous gorge beneath her despite the fact that she wasn’t wearing any sort of harness that would catch her if she fell. It almost looked like she was climbing a wall in the Grand Canyon.

“God, I have no idea why I even agreed to come and watch this.” It was the same voice that she had heard in her other dream, the same person who had put his hands on her waist. “You should’ve just waited until I left.”

“C’mon, if I fall you can get a good laugh at it. I know Hux would.”

“You know I wouldn’t,” he scoffed and she could tell he was frowning. “What if you hit your head on the way down?”

“I’ll make sure that I don’t.”

“ _Rey_.” The voice sounded more concerned than annoyed. She could hear the man kicking at the ground above her, but thankfully no rocks tumbled over the edge.

Her bare fingers dug into the rocks and while it was a familiar enough action, it felt different that when she had done it in Chicago, almost as if it was more difficult. Rey dug her climbing shoes into the rock face, staring at the yellow and orange rock as she scanned for a new handhold.

“I’ve done this a million times.”

“Not on this scale and not with _me_ around.”

“Oh, as if you haven’t done shite a thousand times riskier with _me_ around.”

“That was because you were trying to kill me.”

Rey groaned, flexing her fingers as her muscles worked to keep her steady. “We only have a few days left and you’re going to bring _that_ up again?”

“I think- _shit_.” Rey glanced up at the top of the cliff face to try and see what had happened but couldn’t see anything; the angle and sun made it near impossible. “I’ll be right back, okay?”

“Fine, fine.” She kept working her way up the rock wall, but when she was just about to crest it, a shadow appeared. Squinting, she made out who it was by his silhouette against the sun. “Oh, fuck _off_ , Hux.”

“I’d rather not.” When he spoke, instead of sporting the American accent Rey had heard him use before, he used an English one. He then proceeded to pull his foot back and squarely kicked her in the head, causing her to lose her grip on the rock and begin to fall back. Deciding that she was indeed going to fall back down after hours of climbing, Rey took the opportunity when she had it and grabbed Hux’s foot. She pulled with all her weight and smirked when she caused Hux to lose his footing; at least he’d suffer too.  

-

When Rey woke up, she had even less of an idea of what was going on. Had that _really_ been a memory? If it was true, then that explained how Hux had known that the small fall wouldn’t be fatal to her, but who was the other man? Who had she been talking to and obviously had some type of history with? Why had they man trusted Hux enough to allow him to approach her? Why was she more or less _tolerant_ of falling into the Grand Canyon when the mysterious man had been worried about it. What the hell had she been getting up to?

So far, Rey had minimal answers and was even a tiny bit hesitant to find out who she had been. It didn’t seem that she had been using her powers, or whatever they were, for good. Instead, it was almost as if she had been goofing off, having _fun_ by going to exotic places. Paris, the Grand Canyon, they weren’t places people went to go and do _good_.

Then again, if she had any type of association with Hux, she didn’t know how ‘good’ she could possibly be. It didn’t bother her, per se. In the back of her mind, Rey knew that she’d do what she had to do to stay alive, but it was confusing to say the least.

-

The following Monday, Rey tagged along with Poe to his shop, hoping to see if she had any repair skills. She felt immediately at home when they walked around the shop, looking at the undercarriages of some of the vehicles which had been worked on.

When Poe went on to tell her about some of the work they were doing, Rey found that she immediately understood his terminology and was even able to suggest some solutions to some of the problems they had been having. She was eager to get involved with it all, whether it was cosmetic work or digging in the guts of the machinery.

Although they were surrounded by capable men and women working all around them, Rey offered her services where she could. Poe was hesitant at first, but after she spent some time fixing a Tesla with engine problems, he let her do what she wanted.

Rey spent several hours elbow-deep in the guts of several vehicles, giving and taking advice where it was needed. When Poe stated that he was heading back to the apartment, she had grease over her clothes and her hair was tied back in three buns. She had put it up instinctively with some of the pony-tail holders another mechanic had given her, but though nothing of it until Poe walked over and gave her a look.

“Having fun over there?”

“Maybe.” Rey beamed as she closed the hood of the Porsche she’d been inspecting. “This is just something that’s really satisfying, you know?”

“Oh, you don’t have to convince me; there’s a reason I started this business.” He glanced at her clothes. “I almost feel like I need to pay you for your work.”

She threw him a cheeky smile. “Maybe after I work off my debt to you and Finn, yeah?”

Much to Rey’s delight, Poe found Rey some mostly-fitting clothes that she could wear whenever she worked in the shop. At the apartment, after a shower to remove the grease, she excitedly explained to Finn her affinity with fixing vehicles. They all considered the idea that she had been a mechanic before although they could find no connection between that and her ‘condition.’

That night, Rey flicked through the few contacts that she had on her phone. There was Poe, Finn, and Hux, and it all felt… empty. Who had been the other man in her dreams? Why did she miss him so much? She was missing something, everything, and she had no idea how to get the memories back on her own. The loneliness felt familiar as it seemed into her bones.

Curled on the couch, she closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around herself. She tried not to cry as the thoughts kept piling up and all at once, the situation seemed hopeless. What was she missing? Why couldn’t she just force herself to text Hux? Why was the only person that had any idea of who she was, _what_ she was, so repulsive to her?

At first, the ignorance hadn’t bothered her as much as it might have, but as time wore on, it grew more and more ominous. Sure, she had learned a few things about her previous interests, about her skills, but _who_ had she been? Had she really been the hero that they had considered? If so, how did she know a man like Hux, whose very presence unnerved her? Was he someone who meant her harm?

Rey groaned and tried to bury herself under the blanket, even covering her head with her pillow. It was too much.

Later in the week she went to work with Poe again, trying to get herself to do as much physical activity as she could in order to distract herself from her desperate thoughts. Between her time at the shop, and the university, she also took up running, pushing herself further and further every day.

At Poe’s shop, she helped around the shop with moving machinery around, even going so far as to just carry engines around for fun when she thought no one was looking. Rey did that only once until she saw that one of the mechanics in the shop had snapped a picture of her with the engine on her shoulder that she realized exactly what she was going.

She went back to simply doing engine and mechanical help, chastising herself for even allowing herself to slip up. It was ridiculous, that someone like her, someone with her abilities, would forget to restrain herself. She opted to alternate with going to work for Poe as well as travelling with Finn to his university.

It was a few days later on her off day at the campus, while Finn was at class, that Rey had an unpleasant surprise. She was surfing the internet when she found it, she found a brief gif that showed her, three bun hair style and all, carrying the engine across the shop without breaking a sweat. Immediately, Rey’s heartbeat picked up and she paled for a second. Fear settled in the bottom of her stomach as she stared at the poor quality of the gif and was mildly relieved that she couldn’t make out her features.

Another factor which ultimately reduced her panic was the fact that most people online speculated that it was a hoax, that the engine was actually made out of cardboard. Trying to calm her breathing, she ignored the urge to run away, to run anywhere, and instead went closer to the lake.

Rey walked to where she and Finn typically relaxed before his classes, gripping the rails. She leaned against the metal and closed her eyes, listening to the sound of the waves and the wind whipping along the shore. She stood there for several minutes, eventually sitting down against the wall and trying to relax.

She put her earbuds in to make her position a little less strange if anyone passed her. Sure enough, several minutes later, she heard people passing her by.

“ _Что с тобой? Ой, смотри на нее_.” The first, a man, spoke up, apparently thinking that she couldn’t hear them.

“ _Это девушка_...” The second voice was a woman

“ _Что она делает_?”

“ _Я не знаю. Hичего. Пойдем в класс_.”

Strangely, although the two were speaking Russian, Rey found that she could understand them. They had been talking about her, wondering what she was doing, although the women seemed less interested. Rey waited until she was sure that they were farther away to open her eyes. She watched them as they walked away, countless questions coming to mind.

Rey stared at her phone and although she was overwhelmed by the uncertainty of everything, she focused on what she could do; she could text Hux.

-

 **[Rey]** It’s Rey. Why can I understand Russian?

 **[Hux]** How long were you planning on keeping me waiting?

 **[Hux]** Don’t worry about it, did you know that you’re a new internet meme?

 **[Rey]** I’ve seen. I didn’t think anyone would notice. :/

 **[Hux]** Not notice? I thought you were at least smart enough to avoid doing shit like that.

Rey grimaced at her phone and simply stared at it until the man texted again.

 **[Hux]** I assume you want to know what’s going on. I’d like some answers as well.

 **[Rey]** I don’t think I can tell you anything, I don’t have any idea what’s going on.

 **[Hux]** Clearly. I could tell by your accent.

 **[Rey]** What does that have to do with anything??

 **[Hux]** We’re in the US and you’re using your British accent. Christ, even I dropped mine.

 **[Rey]** Wait, are from the same place?

 **[Hux]** No. I don’t know where you’re from.

 **[Rey]** How did we meet?

 **[Hux]** I don’t even know where to start with you.

 **[Rey]** Start at the beginning, then?

 **[Hux]** That’s a long time ago.

Rey frowned at her phone and then briefly looked around.

 **[Rey]** Are we cousins or something like that?

 **[Hux]** I always thought you were dumb but not this dumb.

 **[Rey]** What? I’m not dumb! I just don’t know anything!

 **[Rey]** I’m just looking for answers. :(

 **[Hux]** Obviously. Clearly you and Kylo were made for each other, you’re both dumb as shit.

Rey’s breath got stuck in her throat as she read his most recent text. She couldn’t pinpoint a reason why, but the name made her freeze up, made her want to bolt all over again. She read the message over multiple times, noticing that he didn’t bother to clarify what he meant.  

 **[Rey]** Who’s that?

She tensed up her phone immediately showed the _Read at_ message, indicating that Hux was purposefully ignoring her.

 **[Rey]** Are you going to answer me??

Again, she got the _Read at_ message.

 **[Rey]** Who is Kylo???

Her panic grew as Hux kept reading her messages and yet wouldn’t reply. What was he hiding from her? _Who_ was she being kept away from? Kylo? Why did that name make her nervous and excited at the same time?

After a few more minutes of anxious waiting, she tried to call Hux for more answers. She got no answers but kept calling him for fifteen minutes straight until it was clear that he wasn’t going to answer her.

Rey closed her eyes, resting her head against the stone wall behind her.

Who the hell was Kylo?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope Rey's reluctance to text Hux is clear, despite how much he seems to know. Also, it seems like he made a mistake. Whoopsie... 
> 
> Obligatory plug that my tumblr account is vvhenan!


	4. Kylo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux caves and Rey gets some answers... sorta. Apparently everything is too complicated to explain to her over the phone. Also, Kylo Solo?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! Is everyone ready to have some vague background revealed? I sure am. Get ready for a bunch of talking and conversations as they try and get some of this untangled. Also, credit to my roommate for the horrible pun that is the title.

Rey spent the rest of the week staring at the last texts which Hux had sent her, simultaneously annoyed and grateful that she had some more information. Although she had a new name to connect to her life, Kylo, there was nothing for her to find online. Like Rey and Hux, this Kylo person had no Facebook account, no obvious social media, and nothing to work off of.

Every evening she spent her free time continuously attempting to call Hux, always getting his voicemail. When she did, she would always leave a message until his voice mailbox was filled. Most messages detailed her day after several of them went by, she began to grow bitter. She would leave annoyed messages, cursing the man out and venting her frustrations at once. Every day she would fill the mailbox and the next evening it would be empty, evidence that the man was going to extreme lengths to avoid her. Throughout the day, she would text him as well, despite the fact that it annoyed her when he left her on read.

What even _were_ the names of the men that apparently knew her? Kylo? Hux? Who had those types of names? At least Rey’s name was somewhat normal. It was almost as if they had _picked_ them for themselves, and that idea unnerved her. Why did she know them? How did they know her?

After learning about whoever was named Kylo, she ended up confiding in Poe and Finn about her discovery. Both of the men agreed that the names seemed unusual, and the fact that Hux was avoiding her meant that he didn’t want her getting in contact with Kylo, whoever that was. None of them could come up with a reason, other than the red-head being a pain and getting in the way of Rey returning to whoever she had been before her memory loss.

When she revealed that she had remembered a few memories, and explained what happened in then, Poe and Finn could only frown. All three of them were sitting in the living room in the late evening, Rey partially stretched out on the couch as Finn sat next to her. Poe sat on a loveseat with the legs propped up, BB-8 curled in his lap.

“So… Hux is like you?” Finn guessed. “I mean, if you both survived falling down the Grand Canyon then he must be?”

“Yeah, and maybe Kylo was the guy at the top of the cliff?” Rey murmured. Although Kylo’s name was strange, it didn’t feel unfamiliar. From her memories and intuition, she was sure that Kylo had been the man in her memories.

“You mentioned that you had another memory from Paris?”

“I wasn’t sure if it was just a dream for a while,” she glanced at Poe. “Or what it might mean. It’s… a lot to try and understand.”

He nodded and gently petted the cat. “Well at least we can rule out the idea that you were a superhero.”

Rey closed her eyes and took a breath. “Honestly? There was this little part of me which hoped I was doing _something_ , but now it just looks like I was wasting my time. What else could I have been doing?” She was hesitant to suggest the possible ideas that came to mind. When she finally opened her eyes and looked at Poe and Finn, she let out a quiet groan.

It was Finn who spoke up to comfort her first. “Rey… look, you might not have been the best of people but that doesn’t mean that you were or _are_ the worst.”

“Look at who I’m associated with!” She sat up and ran a hand through her hair. “The only person who I know is directly connected to my history is just _messing_ with me, keeping me in the dark about everything.”

“Maybe you’re just unlucky,” Poe interjected. “It could be possible that you’ve just run into someone from your past who doesn’t have your best interests at heart. I’m sure that there’s someone out there who could help you.”

Rey groaned. “What have I ever _done_ to him?”

“Just keep texting him, calling him, whatever.” Finn gently patted her foot and furrowed his brows. “I don’t think it would do any good to report him to police since _you’re_ trying to remain anonymous and it’s clear that he is as well.”

“I have no idea how long it’s going to take for him to finally respond; it’s already been a week and he’s just been tolerating it.” She groaned again. “I fucking _hate_ him; why can’t he just give me direct answers?”

Neither of the two men had any answers, and the rest of the evening passed in relative peace even though Rey was hungry for answers.

In addition to her persistence in bothering Hux, Rey kept an eye on the meme that had developed of her. To her dismay, she saw that it had spread even farther, gaining even more traction. People commented on nearly everything about her, some saying that she must have had some type of support system hooked up to make the work easier, or as they had before, that the entire thing was a hoax.

Rey wasn’t sure if she was supposed to be amused or just relieved, and in the end, she had the gif and stills of it saved to her phone. Finn and Poe shared her apprehension, although this didn’t stop her from working in the shop. Instead, she played off the feat of strength that the employee as something of a practical joke. She wasn’t that convincing in trying to sell that idea, but the mechanic didn’t bother to press for more information.

 It was after two weeks of waiting and wondering what Rey was going to do if Hux never responded to her, that she was finally rewarded for her patience. She opted for going on a jog instead of waiting at Loyola with Finn, and so when she finally paused for a few minutes at a park and checked her messages, she saw a text from Hux around noon.

Without pretense, he had sent her a phone number. He offered no explanation, no instruction, nothing of the sort. The area code didn’t match the area code for Chicago, either, which made Rey hope that it belonged to the Kylo individual from her memories.

 **[Rey]** Who is this?

After sending the message, Rey anxiously sat on a park bench and stared at it, hoping to get an immediate reply. After staring at it for nearly ten minutes, the only development was that the message had been read by whoever she had sent it to. After five more minutes of waiting, her stomach dropped as she realized that this person obviously wasn’t going to text back.

Her hands shook as she pressed the call button for the number and held the phone to her ear. When the like was picked up, Rey immediately recognized the voice. It was rougher than she would have expected, almost aggressive.

“Whoever you’re trying to find, I’m sure that I’m not them.”

“Kylo?” Rey breathed, heart pounding. She would _finally_ have some answers from someone that seemed to have actually care about her.

There was a pregnant pause before the man answered. “Rey?”

“Oh my god, yes, it’s me.”

“Where have you been?” He sounded tense at first, but then it melted into concern as he continued. “I’ve been worried sick- I thought you just-” He let out a deep sigh. “Phasma said that you had set off here but she and Hux haven’t answered any of my messages; I’ve been waiting for weeks.”

“Kylo,” she tried out his name again before continuing. “I don’t- I don’t know who you are. I don’t have anything from before and I don’t remember anything… I don’t know what’s happened.”

“ _Fuck,_ ” Kylo muttered, and she could hear him moving around. “How did you manage to get this number?”

“Hux gave it to me.”

“And he didn’t tell me? _Of course_. Of course he fucking did.”

“I just- I just met him about two weeks ago and he’s barely told me anything. I don’t even remember,” she glanced around the park, “ _what_ I am.”

There was another pause and Rey heard him take in a breath. “You’re in Chicago, right? Have you found somewhere safe to stay?”

“Yeah, I’m staying with the guy who saved me and his boyfriend. I’m safe.”

 “I’m going to fly in as soon as I can, just send me your address and I’ll pick you up. I can explain everything then; it’s going to take a while to get through it all.”

Rey paused. She still had no idea who he was, not really. All she had was what Hux had said in passing, her vague memories of them, and her gut feeling. “So… what were we?”

“What do you mean?”

“Were we in a relationship?”

“Oh.” Kylo grew quiet; it sounded as if he had stopped moving. “It’s… it’s a long story.

Rey groaned; that was essentially what Hux had told her. It didn’t mean anything to her when she had nothing to work off of. “Can’t you give me anything else?”

“We were trying to make things work, but yes, we were in a relationship. More or less.”

“I have remembered a few things… I remember one time when I was climbing somewhere, I think in the Grand Canyon? You mentioned that I tried to kill you.”

“There have been a lot of things have happened since we thought that was the answer to everything.”

“You’re still being vague, Kylo.”

“I’ll explain everything to you when I get there. I’m not trying to avoid it all when I say that there’s too much to explain to simply do it over the phone.”

“You’ve got to promise me that you’ll explain it to me when we’re face-to-face.” She wasn’t going to let the answers get away from her as easily as they had so far.

“Promise.” There was a pause as Rey listened to the man on the other side. “I’ve, uh, missed you Rey. I thought- I was worried- I’m glad that you called me.”

She was at a loss for words, hunched over as she sat on the bench in the shade. Although she hardly knew the man, hardly could remember anything about him, she blushed at his statement.

“What time do you think you’ll be in Chicago?” She suddenly remembered what Hux had mentioned nearly two weeks ago. “You’re in New York, right?”

“I should be able to get on a flight in an hour or two at JFK, but it’ll take about two and half hours, maybe three to fly there and actually get downtown. Or are you in a suburb?”

“I’m in Boystown,” Rey confirmed. The neighborhood was a section near the downtown area of Chicago.  

“That explains it; send me the address and I’ll be there tonight.”

“Could you send me a picture? Of yourself? I have no idea what you look like.” God, she felt so awkward for asking. After a few seconds, Rey could practically _hear_ Kylo smirking, or at least trying not to laugh.

“I’ll see what I’ve got on my phone and send it your way.”

“And do you,” Rey frowned as she looked down at what she was wearing. It wasn’t anything _bad_ ¸ but if she had a life with him then maybe he had access to some of her clothes. “Could you bring me some clothes?”

“Will do. I also have a place in Chicago and you have some clothes there, that should be enough for you for a while.”

Neither of them seemed to be willing to hang up, and for nearly a minute Rey listened to him move around and presumably pack up.

Finally, he cleared his throat. “I’ve got to make a couple of calls before I can leave, but I’ll call you when I arrive at O’Hare.”

“Oh! Yeah, sorry. You’re just the first person that’s had any sort of answers and isn’t…”

“Hux?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll deal with him, don’t worry.”

“Thanks… Call me later?”

“Will do. Bye.”

“Bye.”

As Rey hung up on him, her stomach fluttered and she looked around, embarrassed that she was so _glad_ to have been talking to Kylo. His voice had been enough to assure her that _this_ was the man from her dreams, or rather, memories. They had been to the Grand Canyon, to Paris, and to who knows where else?

Rey immediately texted Finn, grinning like a fool. She knew that he would probably be in class and would call him afterwards. In the meanwhile, she started on the way home, electing to walk back instead of running as she had before.

 **[Rey]** Hux sent me a number and it turned out to be someone that knows who I am. It was my boyfriend! I called him and he’s flying here to Chicago. He’ll be in the city in a couple of hours.

 **[Finn]** omg really??

 **[Finn]** what’s his name?

Rey sat there as she realized that she hadn’t even asked Kylo his last name, and so texted him the question.

 **[Rey]** What’s your last name?

 **[Kylo]** Ren

 **[Kylo]** This from the last time we were together

He’d sent a picture of the two of them, clearly a selfie which it looked like Rey had taken, and they were on the beach. She immediately recognized the location, it was on the beach where she had washed up, but there were a few differences. The main thing was the fact that Rey was in a bikini and Kylo was shirtless, and she assumed he was in some sort of swimming trunks. Because it clearly had been taken in the middle of the day, he was wearing dark sunglasses while Rey was squinting against the sun. In the picture, they seemed to be a picturesque couple; she seemed to be happily pressing a kiss to cheek nonetheless.

 **[Rey]** Haha but really, what’s your last name?

There was a long pause before she final got an answer.

 **[Kylo]**  Solo

 **[Rey]** Here’s the address of Finn and Poe’s place. : )

Rey snorted at the second last name that he provided him but found herself believing it despite his initial hesitance. After sending him the address of the apartment, Rey found herself touched at the picture, jealous of the past life that she had been robbed of. She tried to shift her line of thinking, texting Finn back.

 **[Rey]** Solo.

 **[Finn]** Kylo Solo… is this guy even real?

 **[Finn]** i can’t find anything about him online anywhere

 **[Rey]** It does sound weird.

 **[Rey]** But I’m not online anywhere, either.

 **[Rey]** Besides memes…

Rey frowned and looked at the apartments that she passed as she made her way back to Finn and Poe’s place.

 **[Rey]** He sent me a picture of us together.

 **[Finn]** people can use photoshop

 **[Rey]** He sounded worried about me when we first talked. I think he’s the real deal.

 **[Rey]** I’ll tell you more in person. : )

When Rey finally got back to the apartment she took a shower, getting dressed in the nicest clothing that she had. Since her first nights with Finn and Poe, they had gone out and gotten her some more clothes, but none were as nice as she would have wanted to impress Kylo. But why did she want to impress him? Clearly, he already cared for her.

Finn returned before Poe did, showing up two hours later. Rey kept an eye on the clock. They had two to three hours left until Kylo arrived.

Finn managed to get Rey to sit down and tried to get a grip on the situation.

“Why wouldn’t Hux give you his number before now?”

“He was trying to keep us apart?” Rey let her hair down and ran a hand through it, brushing it out of her face. “I don’t know why he’d do that though.”

“Maybe you two used to date?”

That _could_ explain why he seemed to despise her. She sent him a quick text and received an immediate reply despite the two weeks of radio silence from him.

 **[Hux]** Gross.

 **[Hux]** Disgusting!

 **[Hux]** How dare you?

“Well that answers that; I didn’t think so.” Rey handed Finn her phone, displaying the picture of her and Kylo together. They looked happy enough, at least.

“I hope that he can at least give us all some answers, for your sake at least.” Finn gave Rey a friendly smile as he looked up from the picture. “You look happy with him.”

“He said that that we were in a relationship, but that a lot of things had happened before. I think I tried to kill him once.”

“Ouch. I don’t know how you’d get over that one.”

“I don’t know if he’s tried to kill me in return.”

“You should probably ask him.”

“Probably.” Rey flicked through the messages that they’d exchanged and looked back at Finn. “You’re right though, his name is weird.” They looked at one another for a second and she realized that she had forgotten to ask Kylo the most obvious question in the world. “What the hell is my last name?”

“You should make a list, Rey,” Finn stood and went into the kitchen, searching various drawers. “Write down everything that you want to know about who, _what_ you are.”

The two sat together and compiled a list ranging from her favorite color to how the two had met. She wanted to know how she had her powers or whatever they were, and who else did. Based on Hux’s behavior, she assumed that Kylo had them as well. She figured that he must’ve known if nothing else, if they’d been together. Rey half wondered if she had any pets and added that onto the list as well.

She nervously looked at the list and then looked at Finn who was watching her carefully.

“If you’re not comfortable with this Kylo guy, you don’t have to go with him.”

Rey nodded and offered him a smile. “I’m just excited to see him, yeah? When he realized who was I was, he sounded worried about where I’d been; I think he really cares about me. I’m… I’m going to go with him but I’ll keep you updated so you know that I’m okay.”

They sat together watching tv while they took stock of the situation, Rey more excited than nervous as time passed. Kylo ended up texting Rey an hour before Poe would even leave his shop; apparently, he’d managed to catch a slightly earlier flight.

 **[Kylo]** I’m at O’Hare

 **[Kylo]** I should be there in 50 min

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly it was going to go on for wayyy too long if I tried to get into it all in, hence the cut. Also, there's no way he could explain it over the phone no matter how hard he tried, it really is a mess. 
> 
> Some of you had some guesses as for what's going on and about what Rey is, and while I can't confirm or deny anything, you're sort of in the right area. Hint: there's another au going on that is very general but is inspired from a movie's very specific take on it. 
> 
> Did that make any sense? Anyway, you might get some answers next chapter ;)
> 
> You can find me on tumblr @ vvhenan where I sometimes talk a little bit about the fic and how it's going.


	5. Fresh Wounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo shows up and bloodshed ensues. Also sadness. Well, those things are pretty typical with him, but we'll see how Rey fares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you ready for Kylo? I'm not because I got wrecked writing him and we'll see how he deals with it all later on. It's a bit of a ride.

Rey sat next to Finn as the clock ticked down, mind reeling as she toyed with her phone. She ended up packing up her miniscule clothes, toiletries, and other things she had in a small duffle bag.

“I really appreciate everything you both have done for me, really.”

“Are you going to go back home right away, wherever that is? We don’t want to keep you from your old life.”

“I think so? Kylo said that he was coming from New York, and I guess that I would go back there with him? Or he would at least know where my home is.” Rey glanced down at her phone, checking for another text but there was none. She felt _ridiculous_ , so excited to see a man that she didn’t know. Then again, apparently, she _had_ known him, but still…

“Well if you’re staying here in Chicago you’re always welcome here.” He paused momentarily. “And if you need the phone, you can keep it.”

“Oh, _god_ , yeah. No, take it back; I’m sure Kylo can help me get another. I don’t want to take advantage of your hospitality.”  

“Rey, I meant it. It’s one of the first things for your new life, and it’s no problem, really. I’ve already talked to Poe about it.”

There were a few beats of silence as the two exchanged looks. Rey eventually conceded, taking the phone back into her lap and flicking through some of the screens.

“I don’t know where I’d be without you two.”

Finn nodded, giving her a kind look before sighing. “I’ve texted Poe, he should be back here before you leave.”

“I’m not going to leave until I see him,” Rey reassured him.

They waited together until Poe arrived, managing to get there before Kylo did. Rey wasn’t sure how to feel, with her new friends soon to leave her life and whoever she used to be soon to confront her. She hoped that Rey’s old life wouldn’t disappoint her, that this _issue_ with her memory didn’t fuck it all up.

She hugged Poe when he arrived, the man reiterating the same thing Finn had said. They all sat together on the couch and Rey scratched BB-8’s head, staring at the clock.

“You’ve got to keep me updated, a little at least.” Finn said, leaning against Poe almost forlornly.

“Tell us where you’re going at least,” Poe added.

“Will do,” Rey promised.

When she finally received the text that Kylo had arrived, she glanced through the blinds of the window in the kitchen. She looked down three stories down where she saw a man step out of what, an Uber? That was the best guess she had since the dark blue car pulled away. The man was taller than she had thought he would be and was in all black, sporting a leather jacket and sunglasses. As he looked at the front of the apartment he hefted a duffle back over his shoulder, giving a shrug as he approached the front door.

Rey watched Kylo approach the door and then pull out his phone.

 **[Kylo]** Which apartment are you at?

Rey assured the two men near her that she would return and then went down to let Kylo in. The door into the building was wooden, but there were narrow windows on each side of it. Through it, she glimpsed at him before opening the door.

“Hey,” Kylo breathed as he removed his sunglasses, staring at down at her with an intensity that she wasn’t accustomed to. She met his gaze as he removed his sunglasses. He looked tired, exhausted, even. 

“Wow, you’re tall.” Rey realized what she said as soon as the words left her mouth and closed her eyes for a second, finally looking back at him. “Sorry. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

He stood on the other side of the doorframe, seeming to be thinking things over before he spoke again. She could _feel_ his concern, his worry, but also his relief. “So… you don’t remember anything?”

“Yeah, nothing.”

“Well, you used to like that I was tall.” There was another pause as he kept his gaze on her. “I guess that was a while back, though.”

Rey bit her lip and then glanced back up the stairs. “Come on up, I’ve got a few things to bring with me, and you can meet Finn and Poe.”

Kylo nodded and then handed her the duffle bag. “I brought something that you could put your things in, although I don’t know how much you have here.”  

“Thanks, and I don’t have that much.” She nodded as she took the bag, leading him up the stairs to the third floor. When they entered the apartment, Rey glanced back at Kylo before back at Finn and Poe. Her friends seemed to be sizing up the taller man, and Kylo seemed unconcerned with it all.

Poe, however, broke the silence and gave Kylo a kind smile before extending his hand.

“Well, it’s nice to finally meet someone who can give Rey some answers, I know she’s been looking for them.”

“Ah, yeah, I’m sure I will.” Kylo nodded briefly. “Thanks for giving her a place to stay; we’ve got a place here in Chicago. I hope that it might spark some memories.”

Rey awkwardly smiled and then took the bag that had been handed to her, going to the bedroom and packing up. She moved her clothes to the new bag, half listening to Poe making small talk with Kylo. Poe seemed to be gently prodding for answers about Rey, and more specifically her condition, trying to get at exactly _what_ she was. Kylo, however, seemed to play off his questions, purposefully misinterpreting them.

Rey returned with Kylo’s bag over her shoulder, looking between Poe and Kylo and then at Finn. She’d get answers out of Kylo even if he was dragging his heels; her friends deserved some answers.

“I think I understand what Poe’s trying to ask,” Rey stated, setting the duffle bag on the ground before heading to the kitchen.

“I’m sure that I can- Rey I can explain it all later.” Kylo stood in the living room, although Poe had stood back as they all watched Rey grab a fork. She rolled her eyes at Kylo’s elusiveness and set her hand on the table. She was _done_ with people talking in circles and avoiding what was really going on. Kylo frowned and she got a sense of panic from him. “Rey-”

“So, why can I do,” Rey raised the fork and then stabbed it down in the direction of her hand. As it sailed down, instead of glancing off her skin as it had before, Rey screamed in pain as the fork went through her hand. It cut through her muscles, tendons, and she as pretty sure she felt metal scrape against some bone. Blood started to pour out of the wound and she looked down in horror before looking up at Kylo.

Instead of looking just as horrified, he looked completely _done_. He deadpanned and sighed while Finn and Poe rushed to Rey’s side as she tried to make sense of what had happened.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Finn muttered, “I’m going to get you a towel.” He then rushed away from her and headed to the bathroom.

“Look, this is exactly,” Kylo ran a hand over his face and took a few steps closer as Finn passed him. “Rey, you’re going to be fine but you can’t go around doing this.”

Rey’s hand was throbbing in pain and she bit down on her cheek, nearly drawing blood as she tried to tolerate the pain. “What the _fuck_ is going on?”

“I assume you tried this before?” Kylo asked, walking over as he stared at her bloody hand.

“Yeah, but it didn’t go through my fucking hand!” Rey glared at her hand, panic bubbling in her chest as everything she had learned seemed to fall apart. Poe frowned at the unimpressed man, but Rey allowed Kylo to take her hand. He examined it for a moment before Finn returned and they wrapped the wound, fork still in place, in a bathroom towel.

Rey had been hesitant to go to the hospital before, but now she was _actually_ injured, actually bleeding. If left untreated, she knew it could develop an infection. Was she going to end up with permanent nerve damage because of what she had done? What the hell had she done? Why had her abilities suddenly stopped?

“See, this is-.” Kylo let out a long sigh after he stopped himself, and quickly starting back up. “You’re going to be fine, just keep the pressure on it and don’t leave the apartment. I’ll be back in ten minutes, okay?”

Rey glared at him, although he coolly returned her gaze. “ _What?_ You can’t tell me how to fix this?”

“What the hell is going on, man?” Poe turned on Kylo, tense and ready to protect Rey, causing Kylo to shift his gaze.

“I can’t explain it all right now, but there _is_ an answer to this. We don’t have time to go over it right now.” Kylo looked away from Poe and returned to Rey. “You hand _will_ heal up before I return, it shouldn’t even scar.”

Rey’s heart was pounding as she felt the blood pouring out of her hand, and she stared at the man who seemed unconcerned with her injury. Why had he even come if he apparently didn’t even _flinch_ at her injuring herself? She desperately wanted to believe him but everything was falling apart and she had no idea what to do other than listen to his advice.

 “Fine, go.” She leveled at glare at him. “I’ll be here.”

 “Ten minutes,” Kylo reminded them all before shrugging and leaving the apartment. “And don’t forget to remove the fork.”

Finn helped wrap her hand as it continued to bleed, throb in pain, and generally caused anxiety for all around her. Rey bit her cheek again and looked nervously at Finn.

“We’ve got to get the fork out,” she breathed.

“it’s just going to cause you to bleed more.”

“I don’t care, you heard him. Let’s just-” she winced and worked to undo the towel around her hand. “Please, let’s just get it done.”

Poe and Finn helped her unwrap it and she set her hand on the table, in the exact same place as where she had stabbed it.

“Do you want help getting it out?” Poe asked as he half-heartedly attempt to clean up the blood that had been left over.  

Rey shook her head, her right hand gripping the handle of the fork. “I’ll try not to scream this time.”

She gave them a weak smile and then committed to the action. She put all her strength into pulling it out, feeling the metal yet again scrape against her muscle and bones. The wound, unblocked by the prongs, began to bleed even more profusely, creating a pool of blood on the table. She could _feel_ the blood pouring out of her, and it was wholly unnatural, she was going to pass out if it kept going on as it was.

Rey shakily set the fork on the table, steadying her breaths as Poe wrapped the towel around her hand. Unsure of what to do, Poe and Finn tried to clean up the mess while Rey sat with her injury, keeping pressure on it the best she could. After a few minutes, however, the pain faded and she even began to doubt that she was bleeding.

Rey, with an audience of Finn and Poe, removed the towel from her hand and when she looked at the wound, she found that it had healed completely.

“Finally,” Poe breathed softly as Rey held her hand up to the light. It was smeared with blood and some of it had dripped down to her elbow and onto her clothes, but the holes that had previously been there were gone.

“Why didn’t it do it before?” Finn asked.

“I have no idea.” Rey frowned and flexed her hand before looking at the blood that she had made a mess with. “But I’ll help you clean up.”

With the other two at a loss of what the right response was, Rey did just as she said after she washed her hand up. She had smeared some of the blood on her shirt via the table, and then headed to the bathroom and changed. Once she had cleaned herself up a bit, she saw that Finn and Poe had gotten some of the bleach out and were using it for the blood on the linoleum floor.

After several minutes of them all cleaning, Rey received another text and knew it was Kylo even before she checked her phone.

 **[Kylo]** I still don’t know which apartment you’re at

 She went downstairs and opened the door. He again, looked glad to see her despite the fact that he had been the one to take off. Rey crossed her arms and leant against the doorframe of the front entrance. “You know, this only brings up more questions.”

Kylo shrugged and looked at her hand. “No scar, though.”

“Was there supposed to be?”

“No, I was just pointing it out.” He paused and stepped closer. “Rey, I know these people are your friends and that they care about you but they don’t need to know what’s going on.” She made a face. “Look, you can explain some- fine, all of it, to them later, but I’m _not_ going to sit here all night and try and make they understand; you can do that later and see how much fun it is.”

Rey pursed her lips and looked at him critically. “Fine, but let me say goodbye to them before we leave.”

“I’ll wait down here.”

“Give me a few minutes.” They exchanged a brief nod and Rey headed back up the stairs, leaving Kylo on the stoop.

Rey helped Finn and Poe finish up the cleaning, and they stood sadly at the door of the apartment. She had grabbed the bag with her clothing, leaving behind the blood clothes from the injury.

“You know,” Poe started, “I could drive you back to your place, I’m sure it’s close enough.”

“I think Kylo wants to be alone.”

“Well, if you ever need a ride, don’t be afraid to reach out, okay?”

“Of course.” Rey hugged Poe, comforted by the strong embrace. Finn moved in for a hug as well, and Rey wasn’t sure how to feel about moving on. She had formed a sort of new life with the two of them and now it was all falling apart again. Sure, she was supposedly going back her to old life, but that didn’t make it any easier.

“Don’t worry, I’m going to explain it to you all once I understand,” she murmured, her cheek pressed against Finn’s.  

“Do what you can, Rey, and stay safe.” He squeezed her and then they parted. The three of them stood around for a few more minutes, and eventually Rey walked down the stairs with the duffle back in tow. She knew that Finn and Poe would be watching her from the kitchen window and took solace in that, at least.

Rey spotted Kylo standing on the sidewalk between the apartment and street, and he immediately looked her way when she stepped out.

“I’ve called an Uber for us,” he offered. His sunglasses were back on and he was looking around in a way that avoiding coming face-to-face with direct sunlight. He _did_ look like a bit of a mess with his sunglasses off, but even with them on, something was… off.

“Are you hungover?” Rey asked as she walked up beside him.

There was a pause before he answered. “… yes.”

Unsure, she pushed further.

“What did you think had happened to me?”

Kylo took a little bit longer to reply than he had expected, stepping away before being drawn back to her. He raked his hair back and took off his sunglasses, his tired gaze meeting hers.

“I thought you left me.”

“Oh,” she stood there and tensed her grip on the strap of the bag. She suddenly wondered about exactly how much he had been drinking. It bothered her more than she cared to admit, although she hardly knew him. At least her old self still seemed to care for him. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s- you didn’t know, but no, I wasn’t having fun while you were here in Chicago, don’t worry.”

They stood next to one another in silence for a few more moments before Rey gave him a sheepish look. “How long have we been together?”

“I think it’s more important to know how long we’ve known one another.” He frowned and then looked away, clearly doing mental math. “Are you sure you want to know? You might want to wait until we’re back at our place.”

“What, has it not been long?”

“No, it’s longer than you’d expect.”

“Did we meet in high school?”

“Hardly, after that.”

“University?”

“Rey, it’s been thirty-four years since we first met.”  

Rey stood next to him, frowning and trying to make sense of it in silence until the Uber pulled up. She wasn’t even close to that old, what the hell did he mean? How could they have known one another for that long? This time it was a red car, and Kylo opened the car door.

“Coming?”

“Yeah, sorry.” She carried the bag to the vehicle, sliding in after Kylo. She looked out the window as they pulled away from the curb before glancing back at Kylo. She was about to say something but then watched as he stretched his arm across the back of the seat before he saw her confused reaction, and then retracted it.

“Sorry,” he murmured, trying to get comfortable in the seat. He took up more space than she would have thought possible, but he didn’t seem as imposing as he thought someone else his size might have.

“It’s okay. I was wondering, where is our place?”

“The Marina Towers,” Kylo answered, reaching into his jacket. “Also known as the corncob towers, but you always called them the beehives.”

Rey watched as he pulled out an iPhone and presented it to her. It had a protective case around it that was mostly transparent, and when she took it in her hands, the lock screen was a picture of Paris. She immediately recognized it from her dream; it was from the same height and nearly the same angle.

“It’s yours, one of them at least.” Kylo explained. “Do you need the code?”

“No,” Rey quickly entered the code which she’d used before 1984, and it unlocked. The picture, once unlocked, was revealed to be a black and white picture of what appeared to be Kylo. He was stretched out on his back, arm bicep resting across his face while his hair was in a mess. From the angle, Rey guessed that she had been lying on her side when she presumably had taken it. She flushed slightly, flicking her gaze towards the man beside her.

“You thought it was ‘artistic’…” He glanced down at her phone before out the window. “There might be some things on there, uh, texts, voicemails, pictures. There are some other pictures there, just be careful.”

She frowned for a moment, going to her texts and then going to their last conversation. She had guessed that it was him she was talking to by the yellow heart emoji as the single thing identifying him. As she flicked further and further back, she realized what he had meant and blushed even more intensely. She closed the conversation and ignored the pictures she had just seen, trying her best to avoid Kylo’s gaze despite herself. Of course they had had a healthy sex life, what was wrong about that? Still, it didn’t feel like _their_ sex life, rather it felt like she was intruding.

“We can talk more about it at the apartment,” he tried.

“Sounds like a plan.” Rey returned to her phone, opting to look at her music choice. She spent most of the ride looking through the innocuous parts of her phone, music, apps she had on there to pass time, and she finally checked out her notes.

Most of them were lacking enough context for her to make sense of, such as the one which had been last edited two months ago that said ‘BROWN NOT AN OPTION.’ There were notes which clearly had been used as shopping lists, some as dates for meeting someone but which had long since passed, and a few where she clearly had tried her hand at poetry. A few looked like she had been drunk when she typed them, haphazard typing and strange grammar.

Curiosity got the better of her, and before they made it back to the apartments, Rey pulled up her last texts with Kylo. They seemed innocent enough.

 **[Rey]** I’m boarding the flight at 06:53.

 **[Rey]** Try not to get bored waiting for me.

 **[Kylo]** Ha ha

 **[Kylo]** Don’t forget the wine

 **[Rey]** I won’t. :)

She didn’t exactly get what was going on but before she could think to ask Kylo about it, they were nearing the apartment building. Rey immediately spotted the buildings that he had been talking about, seeing how two, tan buildings stood out drastically from the architecture surrounding it. The twin buildings did indeed look like corncobs, and as they drew closer, she saw that the bottom halves of the buildings seemed to be used as parting lots, albeit multiple stories in the air, and the apartments were situated above.

How much did these apartments cost?

Rey looked past the tall buildings they passed, gaze skimming over the nearby canals and bridges which crossed them. She wondered what jobs they could possibly have where Kylo had a place in New York and had been expecting her to arrive soon and yet had a place like this in Chicago. She tried to push the questions out of her mind as the car pulled up to the front of the building. Kylo pointed out which building was theirs to their driver, and Rey simply tried to understand their situation.

She was the first to slide out of the car and felt completely out of place, looking at the up at the curved sides of the buildings. The tall tower loomed above them and she could no longer distinguish where the apartments, only able to see the cars all around them. She glanced back at Kylo who stood behind her, watching her carefully with a near-unreadable expression.

“Ring any bells?” he asked.

A frown pulled at the corner of her mouth as she gave her answer. “No.”

She watched him work hard to control his expression, his lips just barely twitching before he nodded and motioned with his head. “Well, let’s get up there then and I’ll try and explain everything.” He began walking before she could say anything, leading them to the elevator that was at the center of the spire.

Kylo pressed the button for the 62nd floor and she gave him a look before awkwardly staring at the elevator door. What was she supposed to say? Sorry for stealing your girlfriend and replacing her with someone who has no idea what’s going on? That made for a real cheery conversation.

They finally reached their floor and Kylo fished out a busy ring of keys from his pocket, walking up to the room labeled 3328. After finding the right key, he quickly unlocked it and stepped inside, holding it open as he looked back at her.

At first all she saw was white walls, but then she looked past Kylo and saw the living room past him. She stepped into the apartment, following his lead and kicking off her shoes. She passed a cozy, uncomplicated kitchen, and decided to investigate the main room. She set kept the back over her shoulder as she passed Kylo, walking over the linoleum floors and arriving in the carpeted living space. The far wall was made completely of glass, although the blinds were drawn, but sun shone in through the door which led out onto a balcony.

There was a small table pushed in the corner between the wall and the window, with a black, leather sectional sofa in the middle of the room. There was a television mounted on the wall across from it. Along the walls were various painting, mostly of forests and jungles, but there was one that she immediately recognized. It was set up on the wall across from the television, framed and everything.

It was the same painting from the Art Institute, _Hunting Party._ She looked back at Kylo, spotting him pulling away the curtains from the window. He stood in the light and glanced back over to her, meeting her gaze with a hint of hopefulness.

“I know this painting,” Rey started, watching him walk over to her. “I saw it when I went to the Art Institute and I just… I knew it from somewhere.”

“Yeah, the first time we visited the museum I made you go to the modern art wing and I, uh, liked this piece. You went and got a copy of it, I don’t know how, but here it is.”

She stood there silently, looking at the painting before she looked up at him. He removed his jacket and had stepped away, leaving Rey with the painting. She could just _tell_ that he was disappointed with how everything had gone so far, that she wasn’t remembering anything important. She could feel his longing for whoever he’d fallen in love with, looking for that connection again, but she wasn’t sure that she’d be able to do that, at least not right away.

“I’m sorry, Kylo,” was all she could say.

She watched as he set the jacket down on the arm of the couch and looked back at her. “You used to call me Ben.”

It almost felt like a slap, the intimacy of the statement. Rey could only look at him in confusion, hand gripping the strap of the bag in hopes to ground herself.

“What?”

“That’s what my name was, originally. It-” he stopped himself and seemed to push away the thought. “You can still call me that, Ben Solo.”

“Oh.” It felt like she was intruding on something, a secret the two of them had shared before. It scared her.

“Here, I’ll show you the bedroom; you can find your clothes here.”

Rey followed quietly as he showed her exactly where the walk-in closet was. The bathroom was nearby as well, and he pressed a hand against a door, showing off the bedroom.

“I’ll be in the living room, so,” he shrugged and walked away.

Rey stepped into the packed closer, closing the door behind her and letting out a loud sigh. How had she thought that it would be so easy to repair her previous life? Who was she supposed to be when she didn’t have any idea of her life before? _God_ , she could get answers out of Kylo, no, Ben? But how much worse would it make her feel? Would it make it easier or would it just hurt the both of them in the process?

Rey tried to calm herself, setting the bag down and stripping out of the clothes that she had changed into at Finn and Poe’s, taking stock of the clothing around her. One half was clearly dedicated to her, with her dresses, shoes, and a few bags about. She also spotted some jeans and t-shirts, as well as clothes that were clearly more comfortable than the res.t Most of it wasn’t outrageous or anything, simply of higher quality and slightly different taste.

She found a top that was comfortable enough and grabbed a pair of jeans that fit her a bit better than the other pair had, looking at herself in the full-length mirror in the room. She used a brush she found in her things and brushed it back, a bit more pleased with herself.

Rey left the bag in the closet and peeked into the bedroom, looking at the large, white bed that was the center of attention. There was a black drawer on the closest wall and a mirror on top of that, and lamps on either side of the bed, but otherwise it was rather empty.

Returning to her roommate, she found him sitting on the couch with his phone in hand.

“Hey,” she breathed and he immediately perked up, looking at her. She walked over and sat on cushion next to him, biting her lip as she tried to think of something to bring up their past.

“I guess it’s time for me to explain it all?” He rubbed his temples and stared at the floor.

“I think that might help.” There was a pause as the man continued to think, obviously trying to pick a place to start. “How about when we first met.”

He looked at her for a moment before leaning back. “I think the first thing that you should know is that we’re soulmates.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise, it's a soulmate au! Can you guess where it's from, though? More things will be answered next chapter but if I didn't cut it up like this, it'd be a behemoth of a chapter and I don't have time for that right now haha. 
> 
> FYI this is what their apartment looks like from the outside: http://www.goldcoastrealty-chicago.com/images/marina-city-condos_900.jpg
> 
> Also this is the general layout of their apartment: http://www.marina-city.com/properties/unit-3328-one-bedroom-white-kitchen-north-views 
> 
> Also the painting they're talking about can be seen here:  
> http://www.artic.edu/aic/collections/artwork/229365?search_no=1&index=10


	6. Clairvoyance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey learns a little about herself and her life with Kylo. It does not go as well as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ho boy are you all ready? I hope this offers some answers, but don't worry, there's always more to explain.

“ _What_?” Rey frowned and leaned away, giving him an incredulous look.

“I know, it sounds-”

“Made-up.”

“- look, _fine_.” He looked down at her left hand. “You said that you’ve tried to stab yourself before and it didn’t work?”

“Yeah…”

“And when I showed up and you tried it again, you actually hurt yourself? That’s because I’m your soulmate and we do that to one another; when I’m around you, we’re both ‘normal.’”

Rey looked down at her hand before giving him a look. “So… when we’re not around each other we’re like superheroes.”

“If you want to describe it like that, then yes. And when we’re close enough then we become just… normal.”

Rey flexed her hand and watched as the tendons worked, uninjured. “I’ve been able to… tell what you’re feeling, too. Is that part of it?”

“We haven’t found others having this type of connection, not so far, at least.” Kylo paused, shrugging. “But we know that it only really works at the same distance as when we weaken one another.”

“We’re one another’s weak spots,” Rey clarified.

“Essentially.” He paused for a moment. “And we only age when we’re around one another. Well, past twenty-five.”

“We haven’t spent that much time together so far, then? We don’t look much older than that.”

“Technology has made it easier to stay in touch over vast distances, even when it’s fucking annoying in other areas. But no, we haven’t lived together that often, we just meet up now and then.” She could tell that this line of questioning was making him _nervous_ and wanted to know why, but decided that she would return to it later. Whatever topic that this was brushing against clearly was one that he wanted to avoid.

“Do we not age, either, when we’re apart?”

“No, we’re essentially immortal until we spend our time together for long enough until one of us dies. We’re not immune to diseases either, even when we’re apart. Something could happen if we were close and you got shot or something.”

“My hand healed up, earlier, after you left. It’s obviously not permanent.”

“Our immunity comes back after we’re out of range from one another; I just walked down the road. But if one of us got severely injured or killed when the other was around, and they couldn’t get away, then…”

Rey nodded before she briefly frowned. “Wait- so how did I lose my memories? I don’t have any scars.”

“You know that picture that I sent to you? That was from when we last went swimming. We were down at the beach, swimming where we weren’t supposed to have been and when we were there, you dove off into a place that was apparently full of rocks. You ended up hitting your head and your head was bleeding and it… it looked bad for a while there.”

“How did it heal up?”

“I left; I thought it was the best thing that I could do because there was still a chance that it could heal up. I called Phasma and she said that she’d take care of you. I thought that if I put enough distance between us that you’d heal up faster? I don’t know.” He ran a hand through his hair and she could feel regret radiating from him. “Phasma said that you’d gotten on a flight or something and were going to make it back to New York. She never responded when I asked where you were and I doubted that she was even telling me the truth… I thought that maybe you’d died.” She could feel his pain and bit her own lip; again, it felt like she was intruding in on someone else’s story. “I even wondered if you’d just decided to go off on your own again and had had enough of me.”

Rey nodded, trying to figure it out. It made sense that he’d leave and from how he described it, it sounded as if he had been in a panic of sorts. It _kind of_ explained her memory loss, but still, she’d just been left on the beach alone with no answers. Why hadn’t this Phasma person helped her more and instead left her with nothing. Maybe she thought that she’d died? Still, to not tell Kylo, Ben, whoever he was, that seemed cruel.

“Who’s Phasma?”

Kylo looked as if he was trying to roll his eyes out of his skull. “She’s like us _and_ she’s Hux’s soulmate.”

Rey’s brows rose immediately. “They’re… dating?”

He gave her a look and she got a glimpse at his smirk as he shook his head. “Not at all, and don’t let either of them _ever_ hear you say that. Soul mates don’t have to mean that it’s romantic attachment; it’s more like they’re good friends.”

“How does she stand him?”

“I have no idea, personally. Most of the time he keeps a decent amount of distance from either of us and I tend to avoid Chicago.”

“Does he live here?”

“He lives in the apartment above us, actually.” Kylo glanced up at the ceiling and used the motion to also roll his eyes. “Likes to pretend that having a top-floor apartment somehow is better than having one on the 62nd.”

“So, when you called this place _ours_ earlier…?”

“It’s leased under my name but you’re here more often than I am.”

Rey bit her lip as she looked around the apartment, considering what his plans for the future might be. “Do you mainly live in New York?”

“For the last couple of years, yeah. You tend to stay here though.”

“What do I do, like for a job?”

“A little bit of everything, compared to me.” When Rey didn’t immediately grasp what he meant, he looked away briefly. “You don’t want to know what I do right now, as things are I really can’t imagine things changing.”

“I don’t even know what you’re going on about,” she sighed, giving him a gentle frown; he was still being vague. “I _will_ need answers sometime.”

“I’ll tell you about it, eventually. But yeah, your jobs? You did some photography, some mechanic work, taught in some places.”

Rey nodded, considering it all. The mechanic work didn’t surprise her at all, but then again, she hadn’t really _tried_ to go out and teach, nor take pictures. But that did explain some of the photos on her phone.

“Why don’t I want to know what you do?”

“Because you…” Rey could _feel_ him growing conflicted, confused, even a tiny bit hurt. “It was going to change, alright? But now that your memory is gone there’s no way we can carry out what we had planned.”

“Kylo I don’t even _understand_ what’s going on. I have no context whatsoever about what you’re… worried about. We had plans for you to quit your work? Okay, _fine_ , just go back to it and quit or switch departments or whatever when it’s easier.”

“I can’t just go and quit, it’s too much of a mess. I have to admit that this, this is not going how I wanted it to go.” There was a long pause as he gave her an almost pitying look. “I’ll explain something that should help you understand.”

His tone made her jaw twitch. “Don’t talk to me like I’m a child.”

“I’m not fucking trying to.” He gave look Rey a harsh look before he closed his eyes. “I just don’t know how else to explain it since you’ve _just_ learned about immortals.”

Rey clenched her firsts and stared at the floor; she just wanted answers and he was dragging his feet. Was she really going to act like a child just as she’d told him not to treat her that way?

“Fine, explain.”

“You, me, Hux, and Phasma are all immortals, right? Well there are more of us, and there used to be a _lot_ more. They didn’t get hunted down or found out exactly, but with technology improving, it’s been a lot harder for us to exist peacefully.”

“Earlier you said that it made it easier to stay in touch with your soulmate.”

“It does but that’s the only positive it offers. Nowadays you need social security cards, birth certificates, _verification_ for everything or you can’t get a job, you can’t live a decent life.”

“That’s the reason Finn and Poe didn’t take me to the hospital, I had no documents on me and… I didn’t know what was going on with me. They thought that I was a foreigner and they weren’t sure what they were supposed to do.”

Kylo nodded, giving her a look. “From what you can remember, did you just wake up using that accent?”

Rey frowned but nodded. “Hux mentioned that I was using this one as well.”

“In the past, whenever you were in the US, you spoke with an American accent.” Kylo paused and let out a breath. “Let me get something, yeah?”

“Sure?” She wasn’t sure what he could bring to her that would explain anything but it seemed like he was making an effort at least. She watched as she walked back into their bedroom, and when he was out of sight, she glanced out the windows.

The view of the city and the buildings across the small river was quite nice; she could see why he had chosen this building in the first place. As she learned more and more about herself and the life that she had shared with Kylo, it felt less and less like home. She still didn’t really know anything about herself, just a vague idea of jobs she did and more information about her abilities.

When Kylo returned he had a suitcase in hand and set it on foot rest in front of the couch, he sat back beside her. Once the suitcase was open, Rey saw countless passports, state ID’s, country ID’s, various bills from other countries, and even a few birth certificates. He fished out a few passports and handed them to her.

“These are just a few of ours, you and I have others scattered across the country.” Rey found passports from Canada, the US, the UK, and one from Russia. “ _This_ is how it’s harder to keep an identity, especially here in the US. More checks, more safeguards in place to find people who aren’t welcome for whatever reason.” He then handed her a stack of state ID’s, around ten in total, coming from all over the country. “We work hard to keep our identities stable for as long as we can and as long as we need to.”

Rey looked at the various pictures of what was undeniably her, although her hair in slightly different styles from document to document, as well as her style of makeup. She had really lived this life of subterfuge, lies upon lies. While it made sense, she wondered what type of life they had really lived. Kylo had alluded to it, but seemed hesitant to go into detail. Instead of asking all the questions that she should have, she opted for a simpler one.

“Which ID was I using?”

“You had it on you last I knew, but there should be another New York one in there somewhere.”

“I was a New Yorker?”

“You wanted to match me,” he shrugged.

Rey gave him a look, trying to study his expressions before he flicked his gaze to one of the documents in the suitcase finding it more interesting, clearly. This feeling was so familiar that they must have been through that before, the testing of one another, seeing what the other would do. If he had really been so upset that she was gone, why was he being so obstinate in telling her what was going on?

“You mentioned that there were more of us out there, but that their numbers were going down?”

“More immortals have just decided to stay with soulmate until they die because they’ve been alive long enough, and nowadays they don’t even live much longer than ‘normal’ people once they find their soulmate. It’s not plausible to even try if you’ve been born recently.” He pulled out a passport, Rey spotted that it was his with a false name, and she watched him examine the stamps on it. “Immortals aren’t even having kids anymore; it’s too difficult to live as it is and I can’t even imagine trying to find a soulmate in these times.”

Rey frowned when she realized that although he had explained all of this to her, that he had completely danced around what he actually _did_. She placed the ID’s back except the one from Indiana, electing to take up the identity of Hannah Johnson.

“You never _did_ explain what your job is.”

He paused as he shut the suitcase, sighing. “ _Fuck_ , but just remember that there’s a lot that you don’t remember, that make it harder to understand.”

“Obviously.” It was clear that she had cared about him, loved him even, maybe, despite whatever he did. If her old self could do that despite his actions, then she was plenty sure that she could.

“I’m…” He looked pensive for a few seconds before giving up and rolling his eyes. “…sort of a hitman.”

Rey’s mind froze as she tried to understand what he had said. She couldn’t have possibly have heard him right. “ _What?”_

Kylo grimaced. “I just do those sorts of jobs for people who need it done.”

She couldn’t help but stare at him, his hands, his arms; he was using his _strength_ that he had to had to kill people? How the hell had she gotten into the same circle as him? Sure, they were soulmates, but did that really mean that she’d fallen in love with a monster?

Rey stood up, getting some distance between the two of them as she stared at him. She could tell that he was being serious, but what the hell was she supposed to do with this information? Tell him that it was okay, that she still loved him even though she barely knew him? Sure, she’d felt pulled to him earlier and felt excited to see him, but who had she been where she could fall in love with a hitman of all people?

Worse of all, Kylo just stared at her as she processed it all. She looked away and quickly made her way to the window, looking out over the city as she crossed her arms. It was late May and the sun was just starting to make its descent in the sky, casting shadows across their balcony.

“Rey…” he tried, and she heard him stand up, she could _feel_ how desperate he was for her acceptance.

“ _What?_ ” She didn’t bother looking behind her, knowing exactly that he’d be giving her that kicked puppy look of his.

“Are you hungry? It’s getting late.”

“Does that even matter?” Rey stared angrily at the river below them. “Can we even starve?”

There was a moment of silence from behind her. “Yes, it’s slower, but-”

“Can I have some time, Kylo? Can you just leave me alone?”

She received no response, and Rey was fine with that. She opened the door to the balcony and stood out in the late evening light, trying to gather her thoughts. The balcony continued to where there was a door from the bedroom, but she wasn’t about to move down. Trying to relax, she let down her hair from the ponytail it had been in, combing her fingers through the knots. What the fuck was she supposed to think?

They had clearly cared about one another, but she couldn’t understand how. Did having a soulmate really mean that she was supposed to _allow_ him to just go around _killing_ people? He had mentioned earlier that things were going to change, but now that she had lost her memory, did it matter? Kylo had even stated that things weren’t about to change anytime soon.

Rey rested her arms on the railing, letting her head fall forward. She stared down at the traffic down below, watching the cars go by. Hours ago, she had no idea what was going on with her, who or what she was, and somehow it had been easier. Sure, she he had a million questions, but now that many of them were answered, she wasn’t any better off for it. Was ignorance really bliss?

She spent about twenty minutes keeping her breathing even, trying to accept the _idea_ of it all, even if she didn’t like it. If she had been able to deal with it before, then maybe she could try this time around. She couldn’t discard the man who had been so willing to help her, so obviously distraught, or she had to at least try and be as accommodating as he had been with her.

With a deep breath, Rey turned around and headed indoors. She noticed that Kylo wasn’t in the living room, but his jacket was still on the arm of the long couch. She walked up to it, gently picking it up. There was a sense of familiarity but she couldn’t pinpoint where from, it was just vaguely following her throughout the apartment. She knew it had to be from her past self, but it was still… unsettling.

Rey continued to have a vague sense of dejavu as she walked through the rest of the apartment, soon ending in the bedroom. She stood in the doorway as she spotted Kylo, Ben? sitting on the bed with his head in his hands. He hadn’t heard her come in and so she was allowed a minute to just observe him. She tried to imagine what he was thinking, having been able to feel his pain from her place on the balcony.

“Ben?” she tried, on hand resting on the doorframe as she gave him distance.

That name had an immediate effect on him as his head snapped up and he looked at her with such hope that Rey’s words got caught in her throat. After he recognized that she wasn’t the woman from his past, his expression immediately fell.

“Rey,” he murmured. Why did he know her name better than she did? “I didn’t know else to better put it-”

“It’s fine,” Rey stopped him, taking a few step in. “I mean, it’s not, but I can deal with it for now.”

He nodded, hands in his lap. “There’s more, there always is, but we don’t have to get into it all today if you don’t want to.”

“We’ve got time, right? We’re not going back to New York right away?”

“We don’t have to go back for at least a couple of days; I’m going to see if we can stay here longer since you always did like Chicago better.”

Rey moved closer, standing by the side of the bed. Everything she did around him felt awkward, from their conversations to their interactions. She was missing out on stories he had told her, things he _should_ know, memories that they had made together. She wondered what it was like for him to be in their bedroom, of all places.

“Where do you want me to sleep tonight?” Rey asked; she kept feeling like a guest despite everything. “I can take the couch.”

“No, don’t worry about it, you can keep the bed.” He waved away her suggestion and _God_ he was still giving her those puppy-dog eyes.

“Can you even fit on the couch?” The joke came out before she could think about how poorly it matched the tone of everything before.

“I’ve done it before,” Kylo, or was it Ben? shrugged. His response had come without thinking, as if they’d he’d answered that question before. Rey looked back at the hallway behind her before letting out a soft sigh.

“I still don’t know what to call you, you know.”

“Just call me Kylo until you’re comfortable with Ben, it’s what you called me for the longest time, anyway.”

“Which one is your real name?”

He gave her a wistful look. “You’ve asked me that before and I still don’t have an answer for you.”

“I don’t understand what any of that means, Kylo.” Her voice was soft again, as she wasn’t frustrated with him, just sympathetic for the moment.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve been Ben Solo, but Kylo Ren is all I am now.”

Rey pressed her lips together as she tried to understand but failed, opting instead to sit beside him on the edge of the bed. She kept an inch or two of space between them, hiding her hands between her legs.

“I wish I still knew you, you know.”

Kylo pointedly looked at a large picture of a forest in front of them. “It’d be easier.”

“Should I ask what we had planned before I went diving in the wrong place?”

“I’d need to explain more things for you to even understand.”

“Give me the simple version,” Rey suggested, giving him a look.

“We were going to run away together.”

Rey sighed at the vagueness of it all but was not in the mood for more information which would make her even more uneasy with her past life. “Alright.”

“That’s it?” Kylo asked, finally able to look at her without the wounded puppy expression.

“That’s it,” Rey shrugged. “I’m done with knowing the answers to everything; I just want some pizza.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, this isn't the end of the angst. ;)
> 
> Obligatory plug that my tumblr is vvhenan if you ever want to hit me up!


	7. More of a Beast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get some more answers and again the these two can't figure out what to do with one another. We'll get on with the plot soon, don't worry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! It's been fun hearing about everyone's guesses and while this chapter doesn't offer so many answers, hopefully things start to pick up. We'll see.

The rest of the evening featured Rey and Kylo awkwardly sitting on opposites sides of the couch while they worked on a deep-dish pepperoni pizza. Rey had convinced him to leave the tv on a channel which continuously aired 20/20 episodes something he seemed less than interested in. They were interesting enough to Rey, hoping that she would at least get better at solving mysteries and maybe solve her own?

They had the light on behind the two of them, but as the sun set, the room grew cozier and cozier. Although they started out simply sitting apart from one another, after the first hour Rey decided to get more comfortable. She went and rooted around their closet until she found silk pajamas, slipping them on with an emotion akin to sheer joy. She was unreasonable pleased by the feeling of the fabric on her skin, by the color of the fabric in the light of the closet, and by how it fit her.

Stepping out of the closet, she found Kylo walking out of the bedroom laden with two heavy blankets. He was leaving the bedroom, and she guessed that he had found them in the drawers in there. The two paused when they saw one another, sharing a brief second of silence.

Kylo blinked when he saw her in her newest outfit, eyeing Rey up before meeting her gaze. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you in that.”

Rey shrugged, she liked it enough. “Did I never wear it?”

He made a face she couldn’t identity, quickly continuing to the living room. “It doesn’t matter, come on.”

She rolled her eyes, following him back into the room and sitting back on her spot on the couch. Rey got comfortable, welcoming the heavy blanket which Kylo handed to her. He gave her a knowing look before taking a few steps back. As he went to go sit down, however, there was the sound of a door slamming coming from the floor above.

Kylo froze, gaze turning upwards. “I’ll be right back, okay?” Rey gave him a questioning look as he stood back up, watching expression changing from relatively neutral to annoyed.“It sounds like Hux just got back; I’m going to stop in and see how he's doing.”

“Oh, fuck him.” Rey rolled her eyes in agreement, although some part of her was concerned about his safety. If Kylo was so close to her, would he be in danger because of Hux’s powers? She had no idea how antagonistic their relationship possibly was. “You’ll be fine?”

“More than fine.”

Rey conceded, curling up with her blanket and settling back against the plush cushions. She watched him put on his shoes and head upstairs, already feeling his anger building.

With him out of the picture, she found that she enjoyed the small moment of quiet that she had to herself. She soaked in the warmth, closing her eyes and listening to the host of the show setting up the mystery of the episode. After minute, however, her silence was disturbed by the sound of shouting coming from upstairs.

At first, it was just vague sounds of yelling, and from the sounds of it, it was coming from near the door of Hux’s apartment. She first heard a loud bang that vaguely sounded like a door slamming shut, and then the yelling continued. The voice was unmistakably Kylo’s, but it was far from how he’d addressed her, even when he was upset. She had heard him get upset earlier, but now he sounded _furious_. He was a storm above, and he from the sound of it, he aiming to take casualties.

“-stuck so far up your ass-” Most of what Kylo’s speech was muffled, but she did manage to catch some bits of his creativity. “You _actual_ fuck! I can’t-.”

She heard him move about the apartment, and it hardly sounded like there was an actual conversation going on. At first Rey wondered if Hux was actually engaging Kylo, but she did indeed here lulls in the yelling where she supposed that Hux must’ve been talking.

“-you trip and break your neck-”

After a few more minutes, some more yelling, Rey felt some of Kylo’s anger subside and there was a coinciding silence from above. When the door to their apartment was opened again, she gave him a look. She did her best to mix the approval she felt and simultaneous surprise at how far he’d gone.

“I didn’t realize you were so angry about it,” she commented as she watched him kick off his shoes.

Kylo stood looming the shadows in the small hallway for several long moments, huffing as he did. For those few seconds, Rey could see the reality of what he’d told her earlier. She could see him easily taking the place of one of those hired hitmen in one of those action movies; his shadow was less a man and more a beast.

Finally, he spoke, obviously trying to steel himself. “I should’ve known that he would’ve hidden it from me.”

Although she could see the validity of the grudge which he held against the other man, she wondered if there was more that she was missing. “What does he have against us?”

Kylo shook his head. “Not us, exactly; he’s got quite the bone to pick with _you_.” Instead of continuing this line of thinking, he turned and went into the closet.

Rey frowned and tugged her blankets closer around her. Kylo, while intimidating, seemed a threat to Hux and not to her. But what had she done to Hux? She had no idea

She wasn’t given much time to mull it over before Kylo returned, changed into a pair of sweats and lose fitting tee and rejoined her. Rey caught herself getting interested in how it fit him, where the shirt ended and exactly where the sweatpants began, and it wasn’t until he caught her staring that she stopped herself. She gave him a meek smile before shifting her gaze to the show that was currently on. He settled back on his end of the couch, blanket laid over his legs as he got comfortable.   

“What did I do to get that bastard so upset about me being around?” she finally remembered to ask during a commercial break.

Kylo sighed, head falling back onto the back of the couch. “First of all, you’re technically-” he paused for a second, “ _technically_ you’re his enemy. You’ve tried to stop him from… doing things in the past.”

Rey pursed her lips, leveling a look at the man on the couch with her. “Does he do the same thing as you?”

There was another beat of silence. “We work for the same organization.”

Rey just groaned and sank further into her blankets. Of course. “ _Great_. Just great.” She avoided looking at Kylo and stared at the tv, not even paying attention to the mystery as it continued to unfold. It was several minutes before he spoke up, not bothering to wait for a commercial.

“Just try and remember that you lived this life before, it was _yours_. You were still you and while it wasn’t all ideal, you weren’t trapped. You wanted to be with me.”

She glanced over her blankets, greeted by yet another intense look. She didn’t step down, however, her gaze just as intense of his. When Rey spoke, it didn’t even feel like the words were hers. “People can be in a decent relationship and not be happy.”

His expression hardened at what she implied; the barb had clearly met its mark. Even if Rey couldn’t remember exactly who she was, it was clear that she was still adept at navigating _his_ weaknesses.

He clenched his jaw and looked away for a moment, finally giving her the closest thing to a glare that had been directed her way so far. “You _were_.” His words were grating and measured, as if more would spill out if left unchecked.

Rey kept staring him down in silence until Kylo looked away, trying to burn a hole in the carpet. Rey instead opted to pretend to watch the show, ignoring him for as long as possible.

The tv was just a dull hum, images flicking without really registering. Rey remained in her position, ignoring the fact that Kylo was brooding on the other end. He was in the periphery of her vision, muscles tensed as he tried processing it all. Rey could feel him ruminating, going over it all, but she wasn’t doing any better.

Rey wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do, humor him until it was too much and it all exploded? She wasn’t going to do that, wasn’t going to lie to a man who supposedly had loved her. Everything felt… off. How had she managed to get so entrenched in such a morally grey? How was Rey supposed to know what type of person she had been? She had the _want_ to do good, to do something that would improve the life of others. Kylo and Hux were dangerous, horrible people, and she was just stuck in the middle of it all.

The silence continued to stretch out, growing more and more awkward with each commercial break. Occasionally she could feel his gaze on her, _feel_ his uneasiness growing with every passing moment. It took a half an hour of silence for her to finally get up. She left the blanket on a pile on the couch, keeping her gaze adverted from Kylo as she headed toward the bathroom.

Rey focused on the cool linoleum underfoot as she entered the bathroom, flicking on the lights and locking the door behind her. She sat on the closed toilet lid, staring at the floor as she tried to get a grip on it all. Tomorrow it would be better, it _had_ to be. In an attempt to get her mind off of her life, Kylo, and how her memories were failing her, she stripped and submerged herself in the warm water.

She held her breath until her lungs burned and came up for air, repeating the process as she worked to flush the thoughts from her mind. Rey washed herself off, shampooing and conditioning her hair until she was done. Once she was done and dried off, she looked at herself in the mirror. She looked tired.

Once Rey retreated to the bedroom, she pulled the phone which Poe and Finn had given her. She curled up underneath the heavy duvet and pulled up her last texts with her friends.

 **[Rey]** It’s been one day and it’s already a mess. I’m not the same person he fell in love with and neither of us can handle it.

 **[Finn]** are you okay??

 **[Finn]** do you know what’s up w/your powers?

 **[Rey]** He’s not dangerous, he’s just…

 **[Rey]** I think he’s hurt. But he doesn’t have it through his thick skull that I am too.

 **[Finn]** i’m sorry :(

 **[Rey]** But the powers? Could I explain that to you some other time?

 **[Rey]** Could we have lunch sometime this week?

 **[Rey]** Before I leave?  

 **[Finn]** of course!

 **[Finn]** when are you leaving?

 **[Finn]** where are you going? back to new york?

 **[Rey]** I don’t know when, but yeah New York.

 **[Finn]** are you sure youre okay?

 **[Rey]** For now. I’ll keep you updated.

 **[Finn]** have you learned anything about who you used to be?

 **[Rey]** I still don’t know anything about who I am. Everything I learn makes it harder and harder for me to understand who I was.

 **[Finn]** do you really have to be who you used to be?

 **[Finn]** you’re allowed to make a new identity

 **[Rey]** Thanks for the advice. :) 

 **[Rey]** I’ll try and keep it in mind.

 **[Rey]** You’re such a good friend.   

 **[Finn]** don’t forget that you just need to take care of you

 **[Finn]** that kylo guy can deal with himself  

 **[Rey]** <3 thank you

 **[Rey]** I’m going to try and get some sleep. I’ll text you soon.        

 **[Finn]** sleep well :)

 **[Rey]** You too!   

After she closed their conversation, she pulled up the picture Kylo had sent to her, trying to see if it brought back any memories or could steel her. She examined her happy expression and the way that she could see Kylo holding onto her, but it brought up no memories. It only served to make her feel worse; she had this life before and now what?

Rey turned off the screen for her phone and plugged it in to charge before curling up under the blankets, looking for the familiar comfort. While the entire situation was fucked, she had to admit that the bed was much nicer than crashing on a couch. She ditched using the pillow to rest her head on and opted instead to hold It closes, clinging to it for comfort.

Was she being unreasonable? This was fucked but no, she was allowed to feel this way. Kylo was placing too many expectations on her and she was _done_ with it. Even if he was still upset by everything, she’d make him see reason, she’d make him understand.

Rey eventually managed to lull herself to sleep, slowing her breathing and trying to stop thinking. It wasn’t long until she drifted off, burying her face into the pillow that she clutched against her chest.

When Rey next opened her eyes, she found that she was in another memory. Instead of in any sense of civilization, she found that she was currently making her way up the side of a mountain. Above her was a bright blue sky and a cool wind made her aware of a line of sweat trickling down the back of her neck and down her spine. Walking staff in hand and decked out in climbing gear, she followed the climbing path as she cast her gaze on the tip of the mountain.

Rey was still a good hike away, but it felt good to have her muscles working and lungs burning. Squinting against the sun, she looked over the mountain range and admired the sight that she had. She spotted a small herd of goats making their way down a cliff face on the mountainside across from her. She stood there a moment, contemplating following them but opted instead to carry on; she’d have more chances another time.

When Rey finally woke up, she blinked away the images from behind her eyelids. Instead of the bright blue sky of the mountaintops, she instead saw the overcast weather of Chicago. She groaned at the change in pace, pressing her face back into the plush mattress. While the most recent dream wasn’t the most exciting one so far, it had been peaceful, at least. It was something that her most recent roommate seemed incapable of doing.

Rolling over and checking the time, Rey saw that it was nine am. She had no idea what time Kylo would be awake and what he had planned for the day, if it would even matter. There was a chance that he had already taken off to do whatever he had planned, but that would at least leave her alone and with the chance to relax. If that was the case, then she could even invite Finn and Poe over to check out the apartment.

Rey sat up and slipped out of the bed, leaning back against the bed and digging her toes in the plush carpet as she examined the walls around her. When she and Kylo had been in the room earlier she had noticed the painting of the forest, but she also spotted a framed photo of mountains above the bed. Rey frowned when she recognized some of it, almost as if from her dream. She couldn’t make a one-to-one comparison between the two, but it did make her doubt exactly whether what she had thought was a memory was in fact from her past.

There was an easy way to find out, but that involved asking Kylo and she was less inclined to do that considering what had happened last night. She tried reaching out to sense his emotions, trying to gauge if he was awake yet. Sensing nothing, she guessed he was still asleep, which was a relief. Recently she had been a bystander to the storm that was Kylo’s emotions, and the lack there of gave her the courage to get herself up and leave the bedroom.

Padding out of the bedroom, Rey made a beeline for the closet. She quietly closed the door behind her and looked at her clothes again. She purposefully ignored looking at Kylo’s half of the closet, deciding not to think about it anymore. She would face him eventually, but until then, she’d enjoy the time she had.

Rey picked out a yellow sundress, putting her hair up in a vague bun before heading out. It felt freer than she had before, although just as familiar. The biggest plus that she saw was that it had pockets and she happily slipped her phone in one of them. She stepped out of closet and quietly made her way into living room, peeking at the figure stretched across the couch. He was half under a blanket and his face was pressed into a cushion, messy hair completing the picture of the tired mess of a beast on the couch.

Kylo, still clearly passed out, seemed to be a quiet sleeper, although he seemed bent on taking up as much space as he could. The sun was creeping its way across the room and would land on his face eventually, waking him for Rey.

She left him in the living room and went into the small kitchen, opening the fridge in the hopes of finding something to eat. Rey ended up being disappointed as she was faced with only some mustard and ketchup occupying the entire space. She sighed and shut the refrigerator door, grimacing before peeking back at Kylo. He was still asleep, bare foot dangling off the couch.

Rey left the kitchen, returning to the sleeping man, although she sat on the opposite end of him. This time her position was slightly less comfortable, as Kylo had laid his head near the curve in the couch and was facing her. She tried not to stare but it was nice to be able to look at him without having to _deal_ with him and his shifting emotions.

Rey let herself indulge in watching him for a few minutes before feeling a bit like a creep and turning to look out the window. She tried to enjoy it, she really did, but the hunger knowing at her made it harder and harder to keep her mind off getting her next meal.

Looking back at Kylo, she saw that his phone lit up as he received a call. There was no caller idea, only an unknown number. She let the phone buzz for a few moments before Kylo finally stirred. Keeping his eyes closed against the light, he groaned and grabbed his phone, pressing it against his ear.

“Hello?” he asked groggily, blinking a bit as he sat up. Noticing Rey, Kylo sat up quickly and gave her a still-tired smile before he turned his attention to the phone. It took a moment before his features smoothed over and he looked far more serious.

“Of course, I’ll be on it today.” His tone was… off, from Rey had noticed before, and she wasn’t sure who he could’ve been talking to.

It was another minute until he put down the phone and looked at Rey. He still seemed on edge, although his features relaxed a little when he spoke again. “Mornin’.”

“Morning,” Rey replied, trying to get herself to relax. Last night’s conversation still loomed over her shoulder and she couldn’t shake the feeling that it wasn’t the last time that it would. Then again, what did she know?

“What time is it, even?” He checked his phone and let out a sigh. “We can go out and get some breakfast, grab some groceries for later.”

She nodded and glanced at his phone. When Rey spoke, she worked to keep her tone neutral. “Was that work?”

The corner of his lip twitched and his tone shifted. “Yes.”

“I’m not trying to start anything, Kylo.”

He looked away before meeting her eye again. “Yesterday-”

“You’re not alone,” Rey interrupted him. “You think that you’re alone in this entire thing, you think that you’re the victim, but you’re not the only one. You think you’re hurting? What do you think is going on with me, that I’m happy about this?”

“No, but-”

“You know that I’m _not_ happy like this?” Her voice was tense as were her muscles; everything from the last two weeks was finally making an appearance, getting voiced. “That I don’t _enjoy_ feeling like I wrecked our lives? Stop thinking of me as the enemy and start recognizing me as your ally. I’m here and we can work together.”

Kylo sat silent for a few moments afterwards, giving Rey a hard but not unkind look. “What do you want to do?”

“I want to try and get back to what I, what we, were. I want to stop feeling so sorry for myself and actually get something done.”

He ran a hand through his hair. “I can- we can do this. I’ll get us back to New York, and we can try to pick back up where we were.”

“And what about running away?”

He sighed. “We still had a lot to prepare for; we weren’t even close to being free.”

“I can try and help.” Rey clutched at her dress, not able to look at him again. “I feel it too, you know… what you’re going through. The frustration, the loneliness, the pain. And I want it to stop.”

Kylo shifted closer, again giving her the sense of how much larger he was than he. It was comforting, in an old, familiar way.

“Together, then?” he asked.

Rey let go of her dress and looked up at him. For the first time since waking up on the beach, she felt hope, real, tangible, and he was sitting beside her. “Together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! I have finals soon so the next chapter might be slightly be delayed but then I'm free! 
> 
> I know there wasn't much excitement but I hope that it offers some insights to what they were before and what they might become. Also, Hux is an asshole. 
> 
> Obligatory plug that my tumblr is vvhenan!  
> (Tbh I didn't like how this chapter was paced but I hope you enjoyed and it captured some of your interest :) )


	8. Old Wounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey wasn’t sure if this was the answer she was looking for, but it would certainly do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, it's me again! Finals are basically done and I'm going home tomorrow so I should be getting back to normal chapters. Also, this chapter turned out to be an actual behemoth but I think you'll all enjoy it in the end :)
> 
> I tried to fit a lot into one chapter so that things can progress so let me know what you think!

Rey and Kylo took a short L ride down to the center of downtown, getting off at the Adams/Wabash stop and then making their way down the street. As they walked, Rey realized that they had a clear view of the Art Institute. She gave Kylo a look, wondering where exactly they were headed. He had said that they were going out for a brunch of sorts, although she had no idea where that might be.

Kylo had traded in his pajamas for his typical dark attire, looking a little nicer than when he had picked her up. Although he still seemed tired, he seemed far less exhausted than their first day together.

“Are you always so moody?” she asked, tone light as they walked down the sidewalk, her gaze surveying the buildings towering above them.

“If you have to ask then you haven’t paying enough attention.”

“I don’t think that’s quite true,” she gave him a small smile, hands in her dress pockets.  

“You get used to it, and it’s worse for me than it is for you, anyway.”

“I can feel it too, you know, even if it isn’t exact.”

“It’s how I am; you’d be surprised how much worse I was when you first met me.”

She nodded, giving the topic a moment to pass. “Where are we going, exactly?”

“Here,” Kylo stopped and looked at the restaurant. Over its rotating doors was a sign which read Russian Tea Time, and it looked posher than she was dressed for. She only had a moment to take it in before he spoke again. “You used to love coming here.”

Rey entered first, glancing around and appreciating the lighting and general design of the restaurant. It had rich, red decorating all about, and although it was rather cramped, it came off as cozy; there was even a chandelier in the center of it all.

Kylo followed and the hostess led the two of them to a nearby booth. When she spoke, she had a Russian accent, and when they were handed menus, there was Russian as well as English.

Reading it, Rey found that she could understand all the writing, even what was written in Russian. She frowned as she flipped through the different meals, able to read them and imagine them even though she had no real memory of them. After they ordered some food and drinks and were left alone again, she gave Kylo a confused look.

“When did I learn Russian?”

His brow twitched. “Rey, you _are_ Russian.” 

Rey’s brows raised at his statement, keeping her gaze trained on him. She _had_ seen a Russian passport in the suitcase, had understood those students earlier, but still… “When did I learn English?”

Kylo gave a non-committal shrug. “I don’t know the exact year, but I know you lived in the UK first, moved to there from France in the 1800’s. You moved to the US in 1980 and there’s never been an issue since I’ve known you.”

Rey ran her thumb along the perspiring glass in front of her, mulling it over. How much was there that he didn’t know that she would never recover? Would she ever be able to return to her past self? “There’s so much more history than normal people even have, isn’t there?”

“But it’s not like we can remember more than others, well, probably a bit but nothing insane. It becomes a vague blur if you don’t work to write it down to visit often.”

She nodded, finding that believable. Even when she had had her dreams, her memories, many of them were still likely fuzzy from time. Where she came from, however, she must’ve known with certainty. “So… my parents, my family? I guess they were all Russian immortals?”

“Probably,” Kylo grimaced briefly, “but your parents were never in your life, you never knew them. They,” he shrugged softly, “they left you in the mountains and it if it hadn’t had been for a passerby who saved you, you would’ve died.”

Rey’s breath caught in her throat at the statement, the grim reality of it all. She’d been left to die? No one had wanted her? “Who saved me? Were we close?”

“Unkar Plutt? Hardly. He was a bastard who used you to do all the labor he was too lazy to do. After he’d seen you fall down a mountain without a scratch, he practically left you on your own.”

“There’s no one left?” Her gaze left the sweating glass and searched Kylo’s face, desperate for any sign that he might’ve been lying for her. If that was the case, then at least she’d have hope for a family, for others.  

He leant a tiny bit more forward, and although his expression was neutral, his emotions were… nervous. “Just us.”

“Did I ever figure out what happened to my parents?”

“No, as far as you ever guessed, they probably just grew old together and aren’t around any longer.”

“They’re dead,” she clarified, trying not to look hurt.

Kylo gave a small nod. “Presumably.”

Rey rolled her eyes and caught the sight of their waitress exiting the kitchen. “How uplifting.”

“Not all families are happy, anyway.” Kylo leant back into his seat as he spoke, giving off the faintest feeling of indignation.

Rey gave their waitress a small smile when she approached soon after. She considered her background, the fact that they had been here before. If she was really Russian and could understand it, then obviously she should be able to speak it, right? Rey made her best guess as their appetizers were handed out. “Cпасибо.”

“Пожалуйста,” the waitress nodded back and Rey could only stare in response. It was one thing to be able to listen and understand a language but it was another to speak it entirely. If she tried again would it come as easily?

The waitress then set down their tea, complete with sugar cubes, cups, and lemon slices.

Kylo watched her after the waitress left them be, raising a brow. “Mолодец.” Apparently, it was apparently his turn to speak Russian as well.

“ _You_ can speak Russian too?” Rey gave the pierogi in front of her a small stab with her fork, feeling like she was out of the loop yet again. She wondered if she would ever be able to overcome that feeling.  

“Not really.” Kylo shook his head. “I only know a little from you.”

“Did we ever speak in Russian?”

Kylo briefly looked like a deer in headlights and instead of answering, he opted to filter his tea and pour it into his cup. It all looked too small, almost comical in his hands. Rey would’ve laughed if she wasn’t so annoyed by his avoidance.

“Kylo, I thought we were going to start working together.”

He let out a long, dramatic sigh. “I can’t hold a conversation or anything, so no.”

“And yet you know how to say ‘well done.’”

“Rey, I only know what you’ve taught me.” He sipped his tea despite it clearly being scalding hot.

“What’s the point in knowing any at all?”

“It’s useful.”

“How so?”

“We thought it would be fun to use in the bedroom,” he deadpanned.

“Oh.” Rey flushed, immediately breaking their eye contact as she suddenly found the teapot terribly interesting.

“Yeah.”

At least he had been honest, and it did introduce a new topic. Sort of. She took the lead that she had and tried to avoid talking about that

“What’s _your_ first language?”

“Italian, but we don’t really speak with one another in it.”

It was Rey’s turn to deadpan. “You’re Italian?”

“Yes, but no, we don’t use it in the bedroom.”

Rey sighed and let them eat in relative silence once their main dishes arrived. She happily ate her pork loin schnitzel, hungrily digging into it while Kylo leiurely worked on his Moldavian meatballs. The tastes were comfortable, familiar, almost like home. Even if they weren’t strictly Russian, they were something that she had definitely eaten before.

“How often did we come here?” Rey mumbled as she chewed on her schnitzel.

“Every time we came to Chicago.”

“I can see why; everything so far has been delicious.”

Kylo nodded and raised a brow as Rey wiped her hands on the napkin laid across her lap. His expression wasn’t unkind, but almost one of amusement. It was strange to see such an expression on his face; so far, he had mostly been conflicted and generally unhappy. Seeing him expressing anything else was refreshing.

She took another bite of her chicken. “What’s so funny?”

“You’re still you, after everything.”

Rey shrugged and focused on finishing her delicious meal, speaking with food in her mouth. “And what’s bringing up that line of thinking?”

Kylo’s gaze roved over her dirty napkin, the crumbs on the table, and completely cleaned off plate. “Even when I first met you, you were such a messy eater, didn’t care that you had a napkin that was meant to be used.” She frowned and wiped her mouth before lying her napkin across her lap once more. “Don’t worry about it, Rey, you actually did well with the pizza from last night.”

She motioned with her chin to his fork and knife. “You’re the one who’s practically doing surgery on your poor meatballs.”

 Then, of all the things that he could have done, Kylo snorted. “It’s called eating with class.”

“Class or do you mean ass?”

“Touché.”

Rey gave a small smile and flicked her gaze away from him, spotting the waitress again. The woman delivered their two ‘homemade’ Éclairs and took away their dirty plates. Once they were left alone again, she trained her gaze on the man in front of her, trying to appreciate the calm that seemed to have settle between the two of them. Every time she saw his expression soften, however, his brow twitched and he seemed to reel himself back in. It was almost as if he was trying to regulate his expressions, to keep a mask up.   

Rey took another bite of her Éclair. “What’re you thinkin’ about?”

“You.” He tried to shrug it off, but the tone of his voice was too soft; it gave him away.

She worked with him, letting the moment pass as she continued to stuff her face with even more of her Éclair. “I know, I’m clearly the peak of civilization and _class_.”

Kylo raised a brow and took the out, finishing his own off and watching as Rey cleaned herself up. When they finished another cup of tea, Kylo announced that he was going to take her down to look at the Bean.

“The what?” Rey gave him a look as they exited the restaurant, not sure if she had heard him correctly.

“It’s a giant bean, you’ve seen it before and you should recognize it again.”

“Why would someone put up a giant bean in Chicago?”

“It’s _art_.”

Rey snorted and they paused at the stoplight separating them from the other side of the wide street, the Art Institute of Chicago on the other side.

After they crossed, she gazed fondly at the metal lion statues guarding the museum. It seemed surreal how quickly she had adapted to life with Finn and Poe, and now she was doing the same with Kylo.

As they crossed the small bridge that Rey had been pushed over thanks to Hux, she let him know exactly what had happened there. Despite her beautiful storytelling, Kylo seemed less than with impressed with how Hux had dealt with it all.

“He’s an ass, at least you figured that one out on your own,” he stated.

The two leant against the railing where it happened, peering down at where Rey had fallen. “Does he hate me for any particular reason or is just because we’re on opposite sides of whatever’s going on?”

“He’s not happy about what’s happened to _me_ since you’ve come into my life. I think Hux believed that he could just keep you out of the picture, erase your mark completely after your memory loss.”

Rey squinted up at him. “What’ve I done to you?”

“There’s still a lot about use that you don’t know, Rey, and it’s not all pretty, what we’ve done to each other, what we wanted to do together.”

“I could handle it before, couldn’t I? I don’t need to be protected.”

Kylo paused, looking into the distance before giving a reluctant nod. “Can we at least get an actual seat before I go on about my life story?”

“Fine, let’s go see this green bean and then we can sit somewhere.”

“It’s not green, it’s like a mirror.”

“A _mirror bean_?” Rey groaned, following him along the path.

“It’s not like _that_ , just wait until you see it.”

The two followed the pavement and made their way to the Bean, or as Kylo corrected himself, to what the artist called the Cloud Gate. Her guide explained that no one really called it by what the artist had labeled it, instead opting for the simplified version. As they arrived, Rey saw the giant, reflective bean with crowds of people milling around it like ants.

Rey wandered underneath the large structure, amused at how her reflection shifted with the curvature of the Bean. She stifled a laugh when she spotted Kylo’s reflection at an unflattering angle, his features exaggerated by the stretched, reflective metal. It was calming to simply have fun, to take pictures of herself from odd angles and poke fun at Kylo along the way.

He was quiet during it all, tagging along, stepping out of the way of her pictures so that she’d have the right angle. He even grudgingly agreed to take pictures from her when she needed to use his height to her advantage. When she finally had taken enough pictures, Rey led the wandering party closer to the lake. The lake seemed to draw her in, the idea of the water, the wind, all of it, keeping her moving towards it.

“Did I ever do anything interesting with water?” Rey asked her shadow as they made the small trip to the lakefront. It wasn’t a terribly long walk, just long enough to give time for silence to fall between the two of them.

“What do you mean?”

“Did I surf?”

“You never got the chance to.”

“Scuba diving?”

“You wanted to, but again, never had the chance. You did go hiking a lot, though, even tried to convince me that it was good for my health.”

“You never came along?”

“Only on day-trips.” He shoved his hands into his pockets. “You’d go on crazy three-week hiking trips in the Rockies sometimes, said it made you feel more at home.”

 She nodded, casting her gaze on the expanse of water as they approached it. It was inescapable, and she chided herself for somehow thinking that it would be gone, that her change to appreciate its beauty was gone.  

Rey found them a bench to sit on, awkwardly sharing it with Kylo, a man who no longer seemed capable of gauging how close he should sit next to her. At first, they were a bit too far apart, but when he corrected himself he over did it, soon returning to a more modest distance. She didn’t mind, exactly, it was more endearing than anything, but it just brought attention to how much of herself she was missing.

He quickly interrupted his line of thinking by speaking up, taking on a serious tone.

“You wanted to know more about our life together? Why everything’s so fucked? It all started before we met, back when I didn’t think that I had a soulmate. There are rare cases where immortals are born without soulmates, where they have all the same abilities, but no,” Kylo cut her off as she tried to interrupt him, “they don’t live forever, just longer. But I thought that I was doomed to that, to live for ages without _real_ love, without anyone to understand me. I thought like that for a long time, that everything was… wrong. I had gone for so long without any idea of where you were, that you even existed, that when Snoke suggested that there wasn’t anyone out there for me, I immediately bought it. Everything made sense, then.”

“But I’m here now?” Rey’s voice was softer, although no less curious. Whatever had gone on between their meeting to their relationship before her amnesia, it was more than she was expecting.

“I managed to convince that you should actually stay around.”

“Did I think the same thing? Did I think that I was just missing a soulmate? I’m guessing that no one even taught me about what I was.”

“You told me that you had learned about it from others, found it all out on your own. But by the time we met, you doubted that I was really your soulmate; it wasn’t until you stabbed me that you believed me.”

“I _stabbed_ you?”

“It was a complicated time.”

She scoffed at him. “Sounds like fun.”

She unlocked the phone Kylo had returned to her and got him to explain the context of some of the texts she had on there. He frowned when she showed him Hux’s texts from the phone Poe had given her, complaining about how unhelpful he had been.

Rey snorted. “Imagine how I felt.”

After the brief explanations of her texts, they moved onto the topic of future plans, of New York and what they would do once they were there.

“When we go back to New York, I’m going to go back to work.”

“And what exactly,” she sighed at the mere idea of his ‘profession,’ “what does that look like? Are you gone all day and come back in the evenings? Is it a nine-to-five job?”

“Not exactly, sometimes I’m out all day and others I only need to go out for a few hours.”

“And who gives you those jobs? Do you report to someone?”

Kylo paused, eventually allowing himself to relax despite his clear discomfort with the topic. “Snoke. He runs various organizations and deals mostly with the going-ons with immortals; he manages them and practically knows every immortal that’s alive.”

“You mentioned him before, how long have you known him?”

“He knew my parents before I was even born, so all my life.”

“So, he was the one who made you believe that you didn’t have a soulmate?”

“It-” Kylo closed his eyes before staring out at the water. “It wasn’t like that at first, but, in a way, yes. He saw how desperate I was to find you, or the idea of you at least, and offered me a solution.”

“I see.” Rey bit her lip as she thought it over, frowning and focusing her gaze on a boat in the distance.

“After I met you, it all changed and we’ve been… working on figuring it all out.”

They sat in silence for a moment, Rey trying to wrap her head around the entire situation. Kylo had mentioned that they were going to run away, and so this man, this immortal, must have been what was holding them back.

“This Snoke guy, he’s an immortal, right?” She turned and looked at him, determined that they could figure it out. Whatever her past self had wanted, had been working towards, she would finish it. “You work for him, take people out, while he deals with other immortals? We’re going to go up to New York and you mentioned wanting to quit? How would that work with someone like this?”

“We had this idea,” he stared at the ground for a long moment before meeting her gaze, “that we would get rid of Snoke and then we’d be able to go off the grid, live our lives on our own. I mentioned the ID’s, passports, all that, before because that’s where I get mine from. Snoke is what keeps me funded and able to travel around the world, if I just took off, then he would be able to find me without a problem. If that happened, then… everything we’ve worked towards would go down the drain.”

She watched as he furrowed his brows, stress emanating from him. She set her lips into a line, trying to process it all. If Snoke had been supporting Kylo for so long, and they had known one another for such a long time, then it made sense why Kylo was so hesitant to leave him.

Hux worked for him too, apparently, so that meant that Rey was the enemy of Snoke? Of Kylo? If Snoke had encouraged Kylo to believe that he didn’t have a soulmate, then why had they been allowed to stay together?

“Does he even know about us?” she finally asked.

“No.”

They sat in silence, Rey realizing the full scope of everything. “I see.”

-

The two sat and talked near the lake for another hour, Rey trying to get a feel for the type of life they had been planning on making once they were free. Kylo seemed to genuinely care for her and was clearly concerned about what might happen if Snoke found out who she was and what she meant to him. He never directly stated the danger that she was in, just insinuating that it wouldn’t end well for either of them.

Rey also learned that while they were hiding their life from Snoke, Hux knew and was letting it happen, much to his chagrin. Kylo made it clear that despite Hux’s help, it would only be the two of them that they could count on working to kill Snoke. When Rey objected, Kylo insisted that there was no way for him to be alive and for them to be free, that even Rey had told him that there was no other option. She was about to protest again before he stopped her.

“ _You’ve_ killed before, too, Rey.”

Not wanting any details for the time being, they left the park, heading back to the L. On the walk back, Rey tried not to worry too much about what death she must’ve caused, but it was an inch that needed to be scratched; she needed to know how much death she had caused. Had she been a killer like Kylo? She doubted it, but still, she seemed like she was a dangerous force, able to hold her own. The thought gave her confidence, if nothing else.

As they swiped their Ventra cards and waited for the L to arrive at the station, he glanced down at her.

“I’ve got to go see Hux and see if there’s anything that needs to be done here in Chicago, he should be at Loyola today but if you want to do something else, we can split up and meet later.”

“I’ll come with you, it’s Wednesday and Finn should be there; I might be able to talk to him while you bother with Hux.”

They stepped onto the nearest L car when it arrived, and when there were no seats to take they stood, Rey partially boxed in by Kylo as the crowds pushed them again the wall of the car.

Rey worked to make herself smaller, shifting into a corner as the avoiding bothering those around. Kylo, she noticed, seemed incapable of doing the same, as he occupied so much space that he couldn’t even try. They were even more cramped in at the next stop, when more people apparently decided they were making their way uptown as well. Kylo moved closer to her as he had nowhere else to go, and she was left being boxed in by his frame.

She preferred being slightly squished by Kylo than to a stranger in her personal space, at least. One of the plusses to him being so close was that, unlike her, he seemed familiar with how the cars swayed, able to stand so that he didn’t inadvertently bump into anyone. And when he did bump into her, he avoided looking at her, instead muttering an apology as she was left staring at his broad chest.

Awkwardly pressed between Kylo and the wall, Rey texted Finn on their way there, letting him know that she would be on campus soon. When they arrived at the campus L stop and they parted ways, Kylo assured her that he’d text her when he was done with Hux.

They stood for an odd moment at the campus entrance, him seeming to be waiting for something before he blinked and gave a small shrug, taking off. Rey gently shook her head at his behavior, blaming it on Kylo being Kylo and walked to the campus’ quad, sitting on the grass before she settled down and stretched out.

She had briefly considered on a bench, but she wanted to enjoy the nature around her, appreciating what limited plant life was around her in the city. Eyes closed, Rey enjoyed the warmth soaking into her bones, staring at the colors which exploded behind her eyelids. She lay there for several minutes, growing pleasantly warm before her phone buzzed and she was forced to give up her spot.

Rey met Finn at the student café area, as the two of them found a window seat. Although they only had a half an hour before Finn had to leave for his next class, Rey was itching to tell him as much as she could. If she and Kylo were going to be gone soon, she had no idea when she’d next see him. While she wanted to see Poe, she wasn’t sure when they’d be together next.  

 “But you trust him?” Finn asked after she explained that while she didn’t know everything about Kylo, he seemed to be looking out for her. “You don’t think that he’s going to hurt you? Because while he seems nice enough, it sounds like he has a temper and-”

“I trust him,” Rey propped her chin on her hand, gaze fixed on the man in front of her. “I mean, he _is_ my soulmate so that has to be a good starting point towards recovery.”

“He’s your _what?”_

“Soulmate, my weak spot.” She closed her eyes and tried to recall what he had told her, explaining it to Finn in much the same manner. In the end, she could only offer him a meek smile at how incredulous it was. “Oh, and I’m also Russian.”

“Soulmate?” Finn gave her an exasperated look, although he seemed to believe her. “Why can’t you just be a robot, a demi-god, something like that? It would make it so much easier, you know.” He shrugged it off but continued with an actual question. “Why didn’t you wake up speaking Russian, then?”

“Maybe I only spoke English because that’s what you first spoke to me?” Rey frowned softly, brow quirking as she realized another implication of his question. “Do you think Kylo lied to me?”

“No, not exactly.” He rubbed his temples and leaned closer to her across the small table. “Can you start from the beginning? So, you’re Russian, Kylo is your soulmate, and he’s your kryptonite. Why aren’t you still in Russia?”

“There’s nothing left for me back home from what I know; I was orphaned, barely managed to scrape by.”

“Oh,” his features immediately softened, “I’m sorry.”

“I mean, I survived, didn’t I?” Her gaze flicked past him and scanned the passerbys before she let out a fain sigh. It was disappointing to say the least, to learn that no one was waiting for her back home, that she never really had one in the first place. “And I met Kylo here in the US, we got over some things, apparently, and are now together.”

“’some things’?” Finn clearly was prepared to do some digging, and Rey felt genuine affection bloom in her heart at his concern, but kept focused on his question.

“I don’t know specifics, but like I said, I think I tried to kill him once.” Rey worried her bottom lip between her teeth, remembering what Kylo had told her earlier. What had she been thinking when he’d gone after him, when she had thought that it was time for their immortality to end? Had she really wanted him dead? Had _she_ really want to have the ability to die? Why hadn’t she been able to go through with it?

She blinked and found that Finn was giving her a concerned look.

“Are you okay, Rey?”

“Fine, fine, just thinking, sorry.”

“Did something happen when you tried to kill him back then?”

“I don’t really know, not yet, at least.”

“Okay, so you’re Russian, learned British English and came to the US and met Kylo when?”

Rey sighed. “Right… about that.”

This was going to take a while.

-

Rey explained as much as she could with the time they had, assuring Finn that she would get all the answers in the end, and that if anything was wrong, that she would let him know. Their entire conversation reassured her; she was glad that she had others looking out for her, that she wasn’t the only one who was lost.

After he left for his class, Rey wandered around the campus for a few minutes until Kylo texted her that he had finished up his meeting with Hux, that they could meet near the entrance of the campus. He told her that he’d made an arrangement with Hux, that he’d secured an excuse for him to come to Chicago on such short notice.

“Does Hux cover for you often?” she asked as they boarded the L once more. This time around she managed to grab a seat and he stood in front of her, one hand holding onto the metal support bar above. Kylo had to lean down for her to hear him and it was still an awkward position.

“Only when you’re involved.”

“Why?” It seemed unlike the asshole-ish behavior that she had been subject to earlier.

Kylo glanced at the people around them before fixing his gaze back on her. “If Snoke knew, then he wouldn’t let us stay together, like I said before.”

“But why does that bother Hux?”

“Not here, Rey.”

She gave him a look but fell silent, looking anywhere but at the man above her. Despite the subject obviously being sensitive, never liked being left in the dark; even such a simple conversation demonstrated that the gaps in her knowledge were still glaringly obvious.

After making awkward eye contact with some of the other passengers, Rey opted to stare at the least interesting part of Kylo. She set her gaze on his hand holding the metal bar, otherwise trying to push the conversation out of her mind and zone out as much as she could.

As the L jerked to a stop and she watched as his muscles tensed, preventing him from losing his balance. The thought of him toppling over and crushing another passenger momentarily entered her mind but she again, pushed her thoughts from her mind and tried to just relax.

As it picked up speed again, they worked again, and Rey’s gaze moved from his hand up his arm. She watched the tendons flex in his wrist, and then as the muscles in his bicep steadied him. She found herself focused on his arm until they got to the stop near their apartment, the two shuffling out as quickly as they could to avoid the crowds.

When they returned to the apartment, Rey gave Kylo a questioning look. She leaned against the door frame to the kitchen as Kylo closed the front door behind him.

“Going to explain why Hux gives a fuck about what happens to me?”

Kylo sighed and met her gaze. He looked tired whenever Snoke was even insinuated. “Because he knows what Snoke might do to the both of us if he found out that I have a soulmate.

“And what might that be?”

His gaze softened and Rey immediately regretted her harsh tone. “He might kill one or both of us, possibly use you are leverage against me. I don’t like to imagine what he might do or I’d never get any sleep.”

Rey swallowed and crossed her arms in front of her, trying to comfort herself. “Well… I guess I’m glad that Hux is useful for something other than, well, whatever he does.”

“Do you really want to know?”

“You said it was for Snoke, too, right? It can’t be any better, can it?”

“No one who works for Snoke is innocent.” His tone was… flatter, and she didn’t like the uneasiness it stirred in her.

She considered what he’d told her by the lake. “No one who lives as long as we have can be innocent, either, can they?”

His tone was darker but lost none of its intensity. “I’ve done far worse than you ever have and we both know it; what you’ve done is nothing compared to me.”

Rey tipped her chin up, unsure of where the conversation was going. What was he trying to achieve? Dig himself further in the hold he’d made for himself however long ago?

“It doesn’t even make sense to try and compare my life to that of an assassin’s.”

“ _Rey_ ,” Kylo approached, although she remained in place, not giving way. “You, your life before, you were not a bad person. If you’re looking for someone like that then look in front of you.”

She held her tongue, staring up at him in silence as she tried to figure out what was going on. She could feel his uneasiness, how tense he was, and what, hatred? For her? He clearly wasn’t angry at her but she was missing too many pieces to make any real sense of it.

Kylo spoke up again, standing with his muscles tense and voice carefully measured. “Are you going to _say_ something?”

Rey frowned up at him. “Why are you doing this to yourself?”

He stepped closer, frowning. She could sense his agitation, how he was going over his words trying to figure out where she was getting that idea from.

“What do you mean?” He kept his frustration out of his voice, but only just barely, eyes tightening and giving him away.

“You’re just shitting on yourself to make me look good and it’s not working.”

“It’s not shitting on myself when it’s the truth; you know what I do you _don’t_ want to know everything that I’m capable of.”

“People can come back from the wrong they’ve done.”

“There’s too much blood on my hands for that, you knew that before.”

Rey leaned away from the doorframe and shifted closer to him, getting as close as they had been on the L. Although she certainly didn’t _like_ what he did, there had to be more to it. She took a breath and tried to keep her voice steady.

“Why did you go into killing?”

He practically _sneered_ at her question. “Does it really matter?”

Rey’s voice hardened. “Why?”

“It’s the only think that I’ve ever been good at.”

She let out a breath, closing her eyes for a moment. She aimed for the response that would provoke the most drastic response, the one that her old self would have gone for.

“What about us?” Whatever mask he’d tried to construct came crumbling down at her change in tone; she could feel his confusion, how he almost took offense at the implication of her statement. Rey wasn’t sure _what_ was pushing her along his line of questioning, but it had clearly hit its mark. There was another part of her, something in the back of her mind, pushing her to confirm what he’d said about her, about them. “What about _me?_ ”

Something inside Kylo seemed to snap. Without warning he leaned down and crashed his lips against hers, large hands grabbing her hips. Stunned but not exactly displeased, she closed her eyes and knotted her fingers into his hair instinct, trying to reciprocate the warm, solid kiss she was the receiver of.

Rey wasn’t sure if this was the answer she was looking for, but it would certainly do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :')
> 
> Have any thoughts?
> 
> The Bean, aka Cloud Gate: https://www.google.com/search?q=cloud+gate&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjVrIj946fUAhXnzVQKHbspCTIQ_AUICygC&biw=1517&bih=735
> 
> As always, you can find me on tumblr at vvhenan.tumblr.com


	9. NYC

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey gave a small, sad smile. “I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there again, I hope you're all enjoying the summer or whatever season it is by you because I'm currently hiding from the heat. As for this chapter, expect Rey and Kylo try to reconcile everything and maybe get further along than bickering teens? Maybe.

Up until the kiss, Rey had believed that Kylo was rough, with his indifference to the lives he’d taken, how he handled his emotions, even how he thought of himself. She let out a faint gasp and was quick to return the kiss, however, and was met only with softness. His lips, his goddamn lips, were softer than she would have imagined as they moved against hers.

She met Kylo’s softness by gripping his hair with only harshness, pulling him to her and deepening the kiss despite. Her mind was half caught between worrying about what all of it meant, another part of her that just wanted to enjoy it all.

Trying to push any thoughts away, she focused on how one of hands abandoned her waist and she was met with another soft touch as he cradled the side of her face. Rey took in as much of the kiss as she could, ravenous for his affection like a hungry dog looking for scraps.

The last couple of weeks had been hell, the last days only made her more aware of everything that she was missing; if Kylo was hers then she had the right to enjoy it, to savor it. She let herself get pushed back against the doorframe, welcoming his warm, equally desperate kisses as she reciprocated in kind.  

Feeling emboldened and making a vaguely educated guess, Rey gave his hair a harsh tug, smirking against his lips when she was rewarded by a low groan. He pulled out of the kiss a moment later and she opened her eyes, getting a good look at the chaos she’d caused.

Kylo’s pupils were blown wide and she became aware of his hand on her ass, how their rough breathing punctuated the silence. Rey blinked as their gazes met, her grip on his hair loosening completely as she tried to process it all.

While she had no idea how to feel about what had happened, the man in front of her seemed even more unsure. While they had kissed, all she had felt was how _relieved_ he was, but now it was as if she had betrayed him. He was in pain, that much she could understand, and it was everywhere.

 _Regret, regret, regret._ The feeling echoed loudly between them.

“Kylo,” she breathed softly, trying to process what they had just done. What did it mean?

Rey blinked as he deliberately began to take his hands off her. Before he could move further away, she ran her hands down to his shoulders and gripped them, keeping him close. “Ben, we’re okay.”

He studied her expression, gaze flicking down to her lips. Lips that already missed his.

“Are you okay?” he asked after a second.

“Of course.” She still had no idea what she was feeling, but she had enjoyed kissing him, that much she was sure of. Whether she should have was another thing entirely. Rey offered him a small smile instead of an explanation. The muscles in his shoulders relaxed a fraction as he spoke, still thinking it over.

“You would’ve probably have broken my nose if you weren’t,” he decided.  

She gave a vague nod, but still found herself caught up with trying to figure out what the kiss had meant, if it had really been meant for _her_ or whoever she used to be. Did they have to be separate people? She let one of her hands run along his shoulder, resting it on his neck, trying to figure it out. She found no answer, other than learning that even the skin of his neck was soft.

“Did you remember anything more?” Kylo asked, looking just as conflicted about it all.

“I’m just tired of doubting everything.” She frowned at her own hesitation and let her hand wander up his neck, unabashedly enjoying the chance to satisfy her curiosity. Rey set her hand on his cheek, meeting his gaze. “I’m tired of feeling like this life isn’t mine, that I don’t belong here. We’re in this together, right?” She let her thumb rest on his bottom lip. “Help me remember.”

Rey let out a surprised laugh as Kylo hefted her up in his arms, his hands getting a good grip of her ass in the process. Taking advantage of her new position, she wrapped her arms around his neck, leaning down and kissing him.

It was surreal, that was all Rey could think, holding on as Kylo sat on the couch. It felt like a dream, as if she was a teenager enjoying a good snog on her parents’ couch, as if they’d be pulled apart at any moment. She tried to reassure herself that all of his touches, all his affection, all of his want, it was for _her_. The way he held her, pulled her closer, seemed incapable of letting go, it was hers.

She equally enjoyed getting the chance to run her hand through his hair again, to finally get to feel those arm muscles, to kiss his goddamn soft lips. Rey found herself listening less and less to the voice in the back of her head that worried about what all of it meant, if any of this was helping _him_ , and instead kissed Kylo because she could.

His lips found their way to her neck and Rey let out a sigh, hands grabbing at his shoulders until she could dig her nails into in, remind herself that it was all real, no one was going to burst in and kick her out. She was pleasantly surprised at the presence of teeth along her neck but was far from caring about any marks. Lost in his hungry kisses and desperate touches, she almost didn’t realize what she was doing when her hands went to try and get his shirt off.

Rey stopped herself, breaking the kiss that they both had so desperately been clinging to. His hands on her hips squeezed as she pulled away, but he looked less frustrated than conscious as he watched her. Instead of pulling away completely, however, she held his face in her hands, letting her nose just brush against his.

“Enough?” he asked, curiosity evident despite everything else it held. Christ, she wanted to kiss him again.

“For now, I think.” She leant in gave him a chaste kiss, her thumbs stroking the sides of his face. When she pulled away, he was staring at her with such devotion that Rey wondered how she had ever earned it.

“Please don’t go diving in that fucking lake again.”

-

The rest of the day went by without much of an issue, Kylo taking Rey down to one of the lower flowers and showing her the fact that their apartment building also had a built-in grocery store. It wasn’t as extensive as some others, but it had enough for them. They bought a few days’ worth of food and brought it upstairs, Rey supervising as she let Kylo put it away.

“You know where everything’s supposed to go,” she’d teased as he’d grumbled but did it nonetheless.

It wasn’t until the evening, when they were standing out on the balcony enjoying the sigh of Chicago at night that Rey was forced to face reality. She’d been asking him innocent questions, his favorite color, food, city, when he’d gotten a text and it all had to end; he had a job to get to.

She leant against the metal railing, watching as he pocketed his phone. It felt surreal that she had spent all day around him in his murder outfit, that even though it was his profession that he took it so casually.

“Do you need to change?”

“I’ve got gloves here, that’s it.” He shrugged and look out at the city for another moment. “Just think about it, Rey, about how long we’ve been alive and how many people we’ve seen die in our lifetimes. We’ve seen more than they would ever hope to know, we know the best and the worst that people can offer. A life is a life but one of theirs leaves far less of an impact.”

She closed her eyes and tried not to let herself succumb to the anger that flared up.

“I know I’ve killed before, I’ve seen death all around me, but that doesn’t mean that I have to actively encourage it.”

When Rey opened her eyes again, he gave her a small nod of acknowledgement, hands in his pockets. There was nothing left to say.

“I’ll be back before sunrise.”

“That long?”

“Maybe.”

She nodded and he went through the door to the bedroom, closing it behind him.

Rey sighed.

Once they got away from Snoke then he could stop. Then they could be free.

-

Rey heard Kylo enter the apartment at half past three in the morning, listening as he quietly closed the front door and slid his shoes off. She was stretched out across the bed, half covered by the comforter as she fended off sleep; she’d wanted to make sure that he returned in one piece. It was a ridiculous thing to worry about considering his abilities, but she was stubborn that way.

She simply blinked as he stepped into the bedroom, lingering in the doorway. He looked tired.

“You’re still awake?”

Rey shrugged, resisting the urge to yawn.

Kylo walked over to the lamp on the bedside table, towering above her and crossing his arms. He was, as always, too tall, and his arms were too appealing. She groaned and pulled the blanket to her chest, closing her eyes.

“You don’t need to worry about me, I _am_ an immortal you know.” He turned the light off and Rey heard him stand there for another moment. She peeked up at him again, watching his expression shift in darkness, face illuminated by the muted light through the curtains. He seemed to weigh something in his mind, standing there for a few more moments. “I know you’re still worried about not being you, but you’re still the same person, no matter your memories.”

Rey sighed and closed her eyes, giving a faint nod so that he knew she wasn’t ignoring him. He left and she was left alone with the empty bed and a tired heart. Maybe he was right.

-

They left for New York two days later, Rey managing to stop in and say goodbye to Poe and Finn before leaving the city. It was a sad occasion, Rey unsure of when she would return and the two men unsure of what was going to happen to her. She gave them vague details about what she and Kylo would be doing, not wanting to stress them further, but all it did was spike more anxiety in them. She didn’t blame them for their concern, but she had agreed with Kylo that telling them that she was planning on killing a man wouldn’t exactly inspire confidence.  

As they packed for their flight, Rey packed her favorite pajamas despite Kylo telling her that she had another closet full of clothes in New York. She’d protested and said that that pair was special and he’d relented, rifling through things in their bedroom drawers. Afterwards he told her that he found what used to be her favorite camera, stating that she’d probably want it for sight-seeing in New York.

Finally, when they were sitting in the airport waiting for their flight, Rey looked over her chosen driver’s license and tried to lodge the information into her mind. She’d worked on doing so the night before, but with little success. Kylo sat in the seat next to hers, arm resting across the back of her seat.

Despite his casual comfort with her, Rey wasn’t sure exactly what they were anymore, as they treaded the line somewhere between a couple and friends. They hadn’t had any more heated moments as they had on the couch, although she had been pleasantly surprised by a few chaste kisses when she’d hardly been paying attention.

Neither of them were willing to bring it up, to discuss how far they had possibly progressed, although Rey had, at least, recognized more things leading up to the flight to New York. When trying to recall details of their apartment, she’d remembered how they had a large, marble giraffe lamp in the bedroom.

“It was _my_ choice?” she asked, brows furrowing as she tried to understand her own logic.

“You thought it was cute, that-”

“Someone had to save it from poaching?”

He studied her for a long moment. “Exactly.”

Rey continued to try and think about the apartment, about New York, and while both topics felt familiar, she couldn’t remember anything else. Sitting in the terminal with ten minutes until boarding, she didn’t have much longer to wait until they would be there and she’d see for herself.

She leaned back against Kylo’s arm, turning the card over in her hands before she pocketed it. Turning to her carry-on, she was glad that at least she had found comfort in one of her old hobbies. While she hadn’t spent too much time testing out her photography skills with the camera Kylo had mentioned specifically, her phone had served as a stand-in for the time being. She had taken pictures of the city as they’d toured it a bit more, making Kylo pose or take pictures for her when the situation called for it. As it was, she planned on taking pictures of the wing of the plane on their way to New York.

As they sat and waited for boarding to be called, Rey flicked through her contacts again, pausing when she came to Kylo, or as it had been set when she received the phone, a golden heart emoji. She glanced over at Kylo as he seemed to be scrolling through some news feed.

“What do you have me under on your phone?”

“As in your contact name?”

“Yeah.”

Kylo gave a shrug and opened up his contact his, flicking down them until he pulled up what she assumed was hers. Rey laughed when she read her name, not believing her eyes.

“’Rey bae’?” she choked out, leaning further against him as she tried to hide her laugher.

Kylo gave her an indignant look, turning off the screen of his phone. “ _You_ put it in there.”

That didn’t stop Rey from giving a final snort and rolling her eyes. “ _You_ kept it.”

“Of course,” he muttered, doing his best to look annoyed but a slight smirk gave him away.

Once they boarded the plane and settle in their seats, Rey glanced over at Kylo as he seemed to be reading again. It wasn’t a social media page as he had before, nor a news article, and despite her best efforts, she couldn’t manage a clear look at the text.

“If you want to ask, just ask,” Kylo murmured after a few minutes of her discrete peeking.

Rey simply rested her head on his shoulder as he slowly scrolled. “What’re you reading?”

“Guns, Germs, and Steel. It’s a historical book of sorts, you’d find it boring.”

“Why history? Haven’t you lived through enough to not need it?”

“What you see during your life isn’t the whole story; there’s always more in the world than we’d ever see, more sides to a story than we can ever understand.”

She gave a low hum of agreement and turned her phone on airplane mode, knowing that takeoff would be anytime soon.

His explanation made sense, if only because of their particular condition. She wondered what he’d been like when he was younger, when he was actually twenty-five, if he had been so keen in history then.

“How many books do you have on there?”

“On my phone? Only a couple.”

“Do I want to know how many books you have in total?”

“You’ll be able to see the current collection when we get to the apartment. I’ve got more of your photography up there as well.”

There was a ding overhead and Kylo let out a low sigh as one of the flight attendants stepped into the aisle, clearing preparing to give the in-flight safety presentation; clearly, he did not want to be disturbed.

“It’s only two hours and fifteen minutes,” Rey pointed out.

“Two hours and fifteen minutes of hell,” Kylo muttered.

Rey gently smacked the side of his arm. “Hush, you.”

-

Kylo’s, or rather, their, apartment in New York turned out to be in an even bigger building than in Chicago, but then again, Rey knew that she should’ve expected it. The exterior of the building was less interesting, glass windows and harsh corners everywhere. Walking through the lobby, she felt the distinct sensation of dejavu, even down to the way that Kylo pressed their floor button as they waited in the elevator.

Walking through the doorway, Rey was hit with the sensation of being pinned against something solid, the wall? the door? by a very desperate and very warm Kylo. His hands were everywhere and his lips couldn’t decide where to settle on her neck. She was clinging to him with equal fervor, and she realized that her feet weren’t even touching the ground.

Sucking in a breath, Rey was back in the present, Kylo standing in front of her with the bag slung over his shoulder.

“You okay?”

She blinked. “Yeah, fine.”

Looking around the apartment, she saw that it was decorated much in the same manner as the Chicago apartment had been, although this one started with the living room and the rest of the apartment branched off from there. There was a plush black couch in the middle of the room, a tv set in front of it, and along one wall stood a massive bookshelf. It was stuffed with books of all sizes, but from what he had said earlier, she suspected that it was only the tip of the iceberg.

Glancing around, Rey spotted the door to their bedroom and an open kitchen with a small dining area.

Walking about, she frowned as she saw empty bottles of whiskey, vodka, even an absinthe bottle all placed in the trashcan. There was far too much for one person, let alone for one person over two weeks.

“Your clothes are in here.” Kylo interrupted her line of thinking and led the way to the bedroom, dropping the bag off on the bed. She trailed along, appreciating the dark red comforter that stretched across their bed. The bedroom didn’t have a massive window as there had been in Chicago, but the one which illuminated the room served its purpose.

The bedroom looked a little better than the kitchen, but it appeared like someone had left in a hurry, that thinsg were only put away with half a mind in it. It made sense considering that he’d been in Chicago the day she had called him, but everything seemed to be in more disarray that just up and leaving an apartment would cause. As they made their way back into the living room, she leveled a look in Kylo’s direction. Standing in the middle of the living room, she motioned around the disturbed apartment.

“What happened here?”

He stood a few feet from the bedroom, keeping a good amount of distance between them as he crossed his arms.

“What do you mean?”

“Something’s off here, this place looks like you had party while I was gone.” She sighed and brushed some crumbs off of the glass coffee table, glancing back at him after a moment. The corner of his mouth just barely twitched.

“No, no party.” She could tell that he was working hard to control expression, trying to keep any evidence of _something_ off his face. Despite it all, she could feel his frustration and even a slight part shame filtering through, and finally it clicked in her mind. “I told, I thought you were **gone**.”

Rey bit her lip, and sat on the couch as she gave up. If he had been self-destructing then at least it was over, wasn’t it? That was the only plus that came with the revelation.

If she thought that someone _she_ had loved had left her, then Rey couldn’t say that she wouldn’t binge drink and let herself fall apart. Being an immortal had just seemed to make the measures he’d taken even more drastic, although no less sad. Then again, she had Finn and Poe to turn to if nothing else, and as far as she’d seen, Kylo had no one else but her.

“I’m sorry,” she decided on, running a hand through her hair. The whole situation was a mess but at least she knew that she could stop him from doing it again, she could try. He clearly cared for and so far, she’d been getting little tastes of the influence that she had over him. “Don’t do it again, yeah?”

He walked over to the couch and sat beside her, leg pressing against hers as he settled into the couch.

“Don’t go missing again.”

“I’ll try.”

They sat together for another minute, Rey peering around the apartment and Kylo taking in the mess he’d make, both of them noticing where he’d poorly cleaned or hadn’t even thought to clear out.

Whether it was pity or affection, Rey couldn’t tell, but a pained feeling blossomed in her heart as she tried to imagine what he’d gone through. Looking at the coffee table and spotting the white flecks, it looked like he’d even been doing lines. She leaned into him completely and looked up at him, lips pressed in a line. She knew that if she had been her old self, that she would be angry at him as she suspected that this wasn’t his first time. As it stood, however, she wasn’t about to try and change what had happened.

Lost in thought, Rey was pleasantly surprised when Kylo’s arm wrapped around her side and he leaned down, lips brushing against hers. She reached up and rested a hand on his cheek, looking into his eyes and trying to push herself to remember. It would simplify everything, their relationship, their plans with Snoke, their future. She brought herself back to the present when he spoke again.

“I love you,” Kylo murmured, tone genuine, albeit guarded.

Rey gave a small, sad smile. “I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! Plans to kill Snoke? I guess we'll find out next time. 
> 
> If anyone's curious, these are the main four songs that I was listening to to while writing this chapter:  
> Halsey - Trouble (Stripped/Audio)  
> Halsey - Devil In Me (Audio)  
> Halsey- Garden Lyrics [New Song]  
> Halsey - Is There Somewhere (Audio)
> 
> Shameless plug that my tumblr is vvhenan


	10. What Remains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you ever wish you were mortal?” she asked after a few minutes.   
> His answer was immediate.   
> “Every day.”

Rey’s first real morning in New York was spent being wrapped up in the arms of Kylo Ren. She’d invited him to spend the night with her in bed and after a few minutes of them figuring out how to hold one another without Rey dying of embarrassment, she’d easily fallen asleep with the comfort of his arms around her. He clung to her like she was a teddy bear and she’d buried her face against his neck, all too happy to soak in his affection.

Her dreams that night, or rather possible memories, were vague but familiar, and she felt herself being held even when she was asleep.

She woke to the sun spilling across the room and the realization that Kylo was partially suffocating her, his large frame stretched across her own. His face was pressed against her neck and he’d shifted in the night to the point that that his upper half was sprawled across her waist and ribs. While she could still breathe, it was hardly comfortable and growing worse; he was solid and heavy and she was not made to hold his weight in this manner.

“Kylo,” Rey murmured as she wriggled, trying to free herself Kylo let out a low, tired sigh but otherwise only shifted his face to her chest, clearly still out of it. She let out a sigh and while she was still going to die in this manner, she opted to try and enjoy it all for the time being. His presence, although currently suffocating her, was a welcome change to sleeping alone.

Rey ran a hand through his hair and gave his bicep a gentle squeeze with her other. When he began to move in a manner that suggested consciousness, she spoke up again.

“You’re squishing me,” she breathed as he stretched, doing nothing to remove the weight off her cheset. Finally, he gave a low groan and shifted off of her, rolling onto his side. Rey, reluctant to give up the warmth he was providing, moved with him, sliding an arm around his neck to claim a spot at his side. If she had more sense of actual thought, she would’ve wondered if she had any right to be so close and claim so much for herself, but as it was she was still fighting back a yawn.

“Morning,” Kylo sighed, arm winding back around her waist in a way she’d grown familiar with. Instead of waiting for a response, he leant down and kissed her. Unlike their previous kisses, this time around they were less filled with desperation and instead saturated with tiredness, a comfort that was conveyed it how his hand slid down her back. She expected it to end after a moment but instead he deepened it and she hummed in pleasant surprise. It was languid and comfortable, if a bit insistent, intent on only conveying love.

Rey pressed further against him and lost herself in the kiss, only breaking it off to suck in a breath. She let out a soft laugh as his hand unabashedly groped her ass; someone was thoroughly enjoying himself. As they lay there he carded a hand through his hair, a relaxed smile spreading across her features.

“Glad you finally got to sleep on a bed again?”

There was a moment of silence and something inside of him seemed to click, or more aptly, snapped in place. His gaze grew sharper but as his hand relaxed its grip on her bottom. He certainly looked more awake, finally catching up with the rest of his body.

“Sorry,” Kylo breathed, hand sliding to rest on her waist. Despite having been woken up only moments ago, he looked infinitely more tired, sinking into the sheets as he met her gaze. “I-.” He didn’t finish his thought, giving a lame shrug instead.

Rey opened her mouth to speak when realization came crashing over her. The way he had kissed, had touched her; he had kissed her as if she was her old self, as if she wasn’t missing huge chunks of her memory. Like she was her old self.

She was hit with the difference of the treatment that she had been receiving. While Kylo had been no less affectionate towards her, he was clearly holding back. She had just been given a chance to see the love that he was capable she was wasting it; Rey felt sick with the guilt of the pain that she was causing.

Kylo’s pain echoed with hers and Rey gave him a tired look, her arm around his neck loosening a fraction before she spoke.

“I’m sorry, for everything, for what I’ve done, for everything I can’t be.” He frowned and his hand slid to her lower back, pressing her against him in a protective manner. He seemed to weigh his words, studying her expression.

“Together, right?” he offered.

Rey bit her lip. It was so much baggage, so much pain, so much responsibility. Why couldn’t she just reciprocate his love? She enjoyed his company, his touches, everything about him, so why couldn’t she love him?

She leaned up and kissed him, softly at first, parting only to breathe one word. “Together.” She kissed him again, this time holding nothing back as her nails dug into his shoulder. This time around _she_ was the one with the heavy-handed touches, the persistent kiss, the want to claim him.

When they finally parted, they were flushed, a mess in every sense of the word.

Rey sat up and tried to let her mind catch up, tried to shake the heavy feeling in her chest that came with the knowledge of everything that she had to live with, that kept haunting her. She stared at the floor and the disarray that the apartment was still in despite their meager efforts the evening before.

“We can go look at some of your art today,” Kylo suggested, lying among the sheets and pillows. His hand ran up her back, resting in place. “You submitted some pieces anonymously to a local art gallery and they’ve been in love with it all for the past month.”

“Can we go out on a date?” Rey asked instead, turning and meeting his gaze.

“Tonight?”

“Whenever,” she glanced back down at the sheets, frowning. “Just sometime soon.” She let the silence stretch out again, her playing with the sheets and Kylo drawing small circles on the small of her back with his thumb. “Where were we planning on running away to?”

“Back to Europe, possibly, that’s all we ever decided on. Russia was out of the picture because of the politics of entering there, even with decently forged documents, but you toyed with the idea of Kazakhstan because they also speak Russian there.”

“What about Italy?” It seemed the obvious choice.

Kylo grimaced. “There’s too much bad blood there for me.” When she frowned at him, he glanced away. “There’s a lot of family history that I’d rather not revisit.”

“Like what?”

He groaned and closed his eyes, hand sliding down her back to lay back on the bed, and he was, what, brooding? Rey gave him a look.

"You’re just going to tell me to go back and get over it like you have before.” When he didn’t say anything else, she rolled her eyes, laying back down and settling against him. She’d use whatever advantage that she could use against him, even giving him the saddest look that she could manage. It had worked before, hadn’t it?  

“Fine, but don’t punch me, alright?”

She gave him a look. “I’ll try not to. _”_

Kylo gave her an abridged version of his family history, rushing through in several places and staring at the ceiling through most of it. Despite trying to read his expressions, Rey found that he managed to keep a mask of indifference up, although she could quite clearly feel anger and indignity radiating off of him.

When he was young all he knew was instability, from his mother’s politics to his father’s trips to the countryside when he was incapable of sticking around. His parents hadn’t lived particularly long lives without one another, they had managed to find one another in their thirties and settle down soon after. Maybe that was why his father had to leave so often, to get away and experience the life he could’ve lived despite the love he held for his family; he never knew for sure.

It didn’t stop it from seeing his mother’s frustration and sadness when his father was gone. Ben’s eavesdropping on fights were what finally made his parents realize that he needed more than simply maids to look after him, that it was time he was made an apprentice. With so many responsibilities and other people to attend to, and the fact that Ben would be around for near endless years later, a family life was hardly the highest priority for Her Highness.

At the age of eight, Ben was sent off to Snoke and that was the beginning of his lessons in the value of pain.

Kylo returned home a changed man, violently aware of everything wrong his parents were doing and set on the one thing that would free him from the source, the man who’d claimed that he couldn’t teach his son what he needed. He’d gone to the root of it all, the charming man who’d captured his mother’s heart and led to his own conception.

It was in that evening, that he changed from a son among royalty to a god among kings. He’d slain his father with his favored sword, all ceremony and pain. Kylo left his mother in the 1600’s and never returned.

Now Snoke worked to keep a monopoly on information about immortals, helping some find their soulmate in exchange for their livelihoods benefiting him somehow. There were countless immortals in politics, corporate, businesses across the world. People were desperate to find the one and Snoke full advantage of their helplessness.

-

Patricide and ending his mother’s immortality was nothing compared to what he did as a job in principle, but Rey couldn’t help but feel the _anger_ that was stoked in her gut at the reality of what had happened to his family. She barely knew that she had a life, that her parents had dumped her in god-knows-where in the Russian mountains and Kylo had the audacity to ruin what he was given?

They lay in silence, Kylo painfully self-conscious, her more concerned with trying to figure out exactly what went wrong and where. Rey stared up at the man lying beside her, trying to put it all in perspective trying to understand. There was no clear answer beside the fact that whoever, whatever, Snoke was, he was quite clearly the worst of influences on Kylo Ren.

The way he _spoke_ about him, what she had heard of their conversations, it all unnerved her. It didn’t feel like a typical apprentice and mentor relationship; it almost seemed like Kylo was on a leash and Snoke would give it a good tug now and then.

Rey sat up, edging away from the hand that brushed along her side.

“Don’t,” she growled, eyes closed as she tried to even out her breathing. While it was clear that he’d done horrible things, it was far too easy to see where he’d gotten the idea that they were the _right_ things. Snoke. The way that Kylo’s thinking had been twisted-

“You’ve been with Snoke since then?” Rey asked, looking at anything but him.

“I’ve always been in contact with him, yes.” He sounded less resolute than she expected him to be; she’d half-expected him to be willing to defend his master tooth and nail despite their plans to run away. Instead, he sounded tired, regret tinging his voice. It gave her hope if nothing else. Recognition of the collar around his neck hardly seemed to make the situation any better.

“Willingly?” she asked, turning and examining his expression.

“We’ve-,” he stopped himself and bit the inside of his cheek, “things started to change after I met you.”

She couldn’t help the accusation that automatically formed in her mind despite how petulant she sounded. “That was in 1984.”

“We only started dating last year, Rey. Before that, you were on the run, trying to avoid me after you stabbed me, then _you_ hunted _me_ down.” There was a pause. “We’ve tried to figure it out since.”

“You know he’s just using you, right? Even I, a fucking amnesiac, can tell that; I’ve missed hundreds of years of our lives but even listening to you talk about him. You go out and do his bidding and get what in return?”

“He-”

“Don’t tell me that he fucking made you _strong_.” Rey shot a glare at him, angry at everything that had happened between them, that he ended up fucking up the one thing that she had never gotten, that he had fucked up his own life just to prove that he was strong.

Righteousness surged in her, fed the anger, but he stopped herself from going further. Looking down at him, going over the words that she was saying, she was met with the realization that the words she was saying sounded familiar.  

Kylo looked at her with relief, much to Rey’s surprise.

“I used to think it did.”

“And now you want to kill him.”

“It’s the only way out.”

_Killing_ , death.

“We couldn’t just run away?”

He locked gazes with her and spoke without hesitation. “He’d find us.”

Rey tried to let the anger flow from her limbs, falling back into the sheets. Despite wanting to relax, still felt the need to get up and do something, possibly punch someone. All she could end up producing was sarcasm, and that wasn’t nearly as productive as she hoped it was. The more she learned about Snoke the more daunting their task became.

“I’m glad that your mentor is monitoring so many immortals, has contacts all over the world, and that you’re his prized pupil; it makes all this so much easier.”

-

Later in the morning, Rey busied herself by investigating the apartment further, specifically the two pieces of photography that Kylo pointed out were her own. Considering that they had gone for a long walk the day before, that evening she hadn’t had a chance to notice the specific décor.

Two of the pieces in the apartment were her photography, one in the living room and one in the bedroom. The one in the main room was on the far wall, drawing the attention of all who walked in.

Black and white, it depicted a candid picture of someone lying on their back with a book on their face, attempting to sleep and block the sunlight that filtered through the entire image. It only took a few seconds before she realized that it Kylo, noting his hair. Wherever it was, he was lying on a different surface, a bed, maybe? but not anywhere that she had seen so far.

“And you were okay with this being put up?” She hardly believed that he would enjoy being the center of attention despite the vagueness of the photo. Lying on the couch behind her, reading of all things, he gave a faint nod.

“You were convincing.”

She didn’t need an explanation for that one.

The only other photo of hers was small and stood on their nightstand, although it didn’t look like she had taken the picture. Picking up the frame, Rey could see that it was of _her_ but half her face had been cropped out. It didn’t matter for the composition of the scene, as she was laughing and it was clearly conveyed. If nothing else, it made her curious about the missing part of the it all.

She returned to the main room and looked at the picture of him again; it gave the distinct impression of being from a different time, somewhere else. Noting her interest in the photos, Kylo, who had up until then had been reading and generally keeping himself distant, spoke up.

“Like I said, we can go see more of it, although I’m sure you’ve seen plenty of it on your laptop. We could even make it our date.”

“If that’s the case,” Rey let the picture on the wall be, turning to Kylo, “I hope you’re good at small talk.”

-

They opted for a sandwich shop before heading to the small gallery, Rey ignoring the looks Kylo gave her about how she tried to tackle her meal.

“It makes a lot of sense, you know,” she wiped some mustard from the corner of her mouth. He tried to look unaffected.

“What does?”

“You, everything.” Rey shrugged. “You’re a prince, right? Well that and everything, it explains why you can’t enjoy anything for what it is.”

Kylo stared at her for a long moment, clearly taken by surprise that such a topic was brought up considering their surroundings.

“You were never good at enjoying things for what they were, either.” He shifted slightly. “Besides, the title isn’t applicable anymore.”

“What did I do with everything? Run away from it all?” The added piece of _like you?_ hung over the conversation.

“No, you had the tendency to hang on to things long after they were done.” His voice was matter-of-fact; it was clear that he had realized this long ago. “Like your family.”

“What about them?”

“You spent a long time waiting for them, the fact that they were immortals drove you up the wall with all the possibilities and-. Well, that gives you an idea.”

Rey took another bite of her sandwich, trying to avoid eye contact as she processed it.

“The photography?” she asked despite herself, managing to cover her mouth for his benefit.

“The photography,” Kylo confirmed. “Nothing else stops time quite like it, does it?”

-

The gallery wasn’t as small as Kylo had claimed it would be, although Rey was glad that it wasn’t as posh as her worst fears had led her to believe either.

“I’ve no idea what I’m supposed to be doing,” she murmured as they walked in, self-consciously taking his arm.

“Look at the nice art?” He sounded unimpressed. “Try and remember?”

Rey took in the white walls adorned with photography from artists she didn’t recognize with subjects that varied from image to image. Some were focused on landscape shots, others on portraits, and another-

“Look,” she breathed, tugging him along with her, passing a few strangers who seemed too interested in the ‘art’ to bother with them. Rey let go of Kylo’s arm as they neared the piece despite the fact that he easily kept up.  

It was a picture of a woman, slightly out of focus, with a pair of children’s shoes in hand. In the foreground there was a child, six, maybe seven, even more out of focus, but clearly laughing and running through some grass. The entire image was in black and white, and Rey wasn’t sure what feeling what it was supposed to invoke but she was certain that the children’s shoes were blue before the filter had been applied.

“This is mine, isn’t it?” Glancing back at Kylo, he nodded, barely paying the piece any mind.

“What do you think of it?”

“It’s familiar?” she tried, studying it again.

“Does it make you feel anything?”

“I’m not going to try and be that pretentious.”

“Rey, you submitted this for a reason, it was _chosen_ for a reason.” Kylo was closer, standing right behind her.

Rey just crossed her arms in frustration.

She closed her eyes and tried to picture the scene as it would have been. From the angle it was taken at, she guessed that she would’ve had to have been crouching, closer down to the grass, listening to the little boy screaming with laughter and his mother sighing.

Rey’s eyes snapped open as the scene came to her in vivid detail, the evening light throwing shadows over the park, the lighting just past the golden hour. It hadn’t mattered, the picture came out well enough, and when she’d cropped it, it had made the mood even clearer.

“It’s supposed to be nostalgic,” she stated in wonder, turning back to her date.

“You remember.” It was less a question and more a statement, his expression just barely unreadable.

“What a,” Rey shook her head, taking a few moments to try and get her thoughts clear. “I don’t know. I never had a childhood like this, didn’t this make me sad?”

“Maybe it made you hopeful.”

“For what?”

“For the future.”

Rey looked away at the implication of his words, wondering exactly how much they had planned, what they had wanted they were free.

Kylo stepped closer, hands settling on her upper arms, stopping her from turning away.

“We didn’t have anything planned, Rey, don’t put make this another thing that you’re worried out.”

Had she fucked everything completely? This entire trip was supposed to bring back memories to _help_ and all any of them had done so far was make her feel worse.

Rey stopped herself as she realized the line of thinking she was letting herself fall into again, mentally scolding herself. She was doing what Kylo had pointed out, hanging on to things that were gone, things that she couldn’t change. She could try and remember as much as she could and _cherish_ and _learn_ from it instead of just pitying herself and her situation. She could try, at least.

There was a lull between the two, some man passing the two of them, but Rey spoke up when he passed.

“Are there any more pieces here?”

“Over there,” Kylo looked past her, clearly motioning to the other part of the exhibit.

“Let’s go,” Rey took his hand in hers and without waiting for a response, headed in the direction he had pointed out. He followed without hesitation, silently letting her pick out which piece was hers; if she had done it before then she could do it again.

Rey, with Kylo in tow, surveyed the pieces on the walls around her, looking to narrow down on the black and white pieces. It didn’t take her long to find another one of her works, spotting it almost in the corner as it already had a few people looking at it.

It was taken from a higher altitude, and as she tried to figure out exactly how it had been taken, how she had managed to capture the image of the man with the balloon standing in front of the apartment building with his back to her, it came to her. She was crouched on the roof of the apartment, able to get access to it via snooping at the right hours.

Rey had been lucky enough to get up there at a decent hour and was even luckier when she spotted the stranger with the lone red balloon. His back to her and head tipped up to try and get a glimpse into one of the apartments higher up, she hadn’t expected to like the shot so much, to appreciate it for what it was. Maybe she was just getting pretentious with old age.

Rey blinked as the memory passed and squeezed Kylo’s hand. With others about she didn’t say anything but he seemed to understand nonetheless. He always seemed to.

-

After the gallery, at Rey’s request, they went out for ice cream.

“We need to do something _normal_ for a change,” she had suggested, and so they did. They bought two cone of ice cream, Rey ordered mint chocolate chip and Kylo had gone with chocolate.

They found a bench in a nearby park to seat themselves on and despite attempting to have a normal type of date, all pretense flew out the window when she brought up Snoke.

“How do you even keep in touch with him?”

“He’ll call me, I’ve even Skyped with him.”

“How professional.” Rey snorted. “Where’s he at now?”

“I know some of his past headquarters, but,” his tone grew harsher, the frustration evident in his voice, “I don’t know _exactly_ where he is right now.”

“ _What?_ ”

“It’s complicated.”

She let herself rest against him despite it all. “And we only have a vague plan of what we were going to do to get to him?”

“Nothing set in stone because we haven’t even been able to pinpoint his location.”

“Do I want to know what ‘taking him out’ might look like?”

“Probably not.” He gave her a look and reached down, wiping off a fleck of ice cream which had managed to find its way onto the tip of her nose. “I have no idea how you managed in society before.”

Rey rolled her eyes but just continued to work on her ice cream; she was going to enjoy it whether or not he approved. Kylo said nothing, looking out at the people enjoying their day around them.

“Do you ever wish you were mortal?” she asked after a few minutes.

His answer was immediate.

“Every day.”

-

Rey relived another memory that night, although when she woke she found it more akin to a nightmare.

“Stay the fuck away from me,” she heard herself growl, finding herself wielding a rather large knife in her right hand. It had an elegant, almost ornate handle and its blade was serrated; it was made to _hurt_.

The man in front of her ignored the threat, continuing his slow approach. He looked completely unfazed by her choice in weapon, making a show of upholstering his gun and waving it about. Rey didn’t appreciate his attempt at humor.

“See? Look? I have my weapon too, it’s not going to do us any good unless you’ve suddenly become my other soulmate.” He rolled his eyes and Rey could tell that her options to escape were cut off; there was no way that this man was going to let her run. “You just gotta come in and see him and then we’ll be done, hell, he might even hire you.”

She grit her teeth and adjusted her hold on the knife, watching the way the man was positioned, how he was holding his weight.

“One more step and you’re dead,” Rey practically snarled, muscles tense. She had thought that her contact was good for it, not that she’d fucking be stuck in an abandoned building to be carted off; what a great community the immortals had nowadays. She didn’t want to have to stop the man in front of her but she couldn’t let her location, what she had, be handed over. If he wasn’t going to let her run then there was no other option. “I’m serious, this is your last chance.”

 “Oh, am I scaring you?” The man holstered his weapon, giving her a sympathetic look. “Sorry.”

There was a brief pause before he snarled and lurched forward, aim clearly to grapple her.

Rey lunged in response, not bothering to avoid coming into contact with him. Instead, she invaded his space, aiming her knife straight for his neck.

The man clearly had disregarded her knife as a play thing, something would bounce off his skin; he _was_ an immortal after all. As it plunged into his trachea and twisted it to catch his carotid artery, blood began to gush from his injury, down his front as well as onto Rey’s clothes.

His hands clutched at Rey’s sides as he fell before they retracted and he tied to stem the bleeding. She pulled the blade out and stared as the god bled out at her feet. He stared at the knife, realization dawning in his eyes.

-

When Rey awoke in a cold sweat and shook Kylo awake, explaining what she had seen. He frowned and listened despite sleep still pulling at him.

“It’s probably time I show you something.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's uh getting real here so keep an eye on the tags but I hope you enjoyed it! 
> 
> I had a lot of fun writing their outing and I know they didn't have too much fluff like last chapter that their interactions were enough c:


	11. Glory and Gore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Was I good cook?” she tried, trying to keep the conversation away from anything too serious.  
> “More or less.”  
> “And you?”  
> “I can cook.” She wasn’t sure if that was supposed to be a dig at her or himself so she continued on with her eggs. At least those were easier to deal with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly I know nothing about New York so forgive how vague everything is compared to their time in Chicago.
> 
> Anyway, these kids keep trying to discuss things and their feelings get in the way. Maybe one day they can have a day filled with pure communication, but then again, who actually is 100% honest about what they're thinking 100% of the time? 
> 
> It's time to get going, isn't it? Well, hold on and enjoy the ride. c:

 That Kylo went to the closet, giving a tired sigh as he dug through various boxes.

“When I said you wouldn’t enjoy knowing our plans, I meant it.” He pulled out an innocent enough suitcase and sat on the bed, lying the case between them. Rey stared at it, waiting until he motioned to her. “The honor’s all yours.”

Frowning, she snapped opened the case and stared down at its contents. Although there was only the dim light of the bedside lamp illuminating the room, there was no doubt in her mind that the weapon in the case was the knife from her dream? Memory?

She withdrew her hands and looked up at Kylo for an explanation, trying to ignore the repulsion at the thought that this weapon had been used to well- that it had been used as it had.  

“What is it?”

“An immortal killer.” He let out a soft huff and shifted the case so that he could look at it as well, his expression shifting from relative boredom to mild interest. “From the stories I’ve heard, there used to be hundreds of them, immortals used to carry them so that they could stop one another, regardless of a soulmate.”

Rey bit her lip and picked up the knife, carefully turning it over as she examined it. She was overcome with a sense of dejavu as she felt the weight of the weapon in hand, how the ornate and intricately designed handle pressed against her skin.

“And now?”

“There are only a few that exist anymore, and to most immortals these have been lost to the ages.”

“How did I get one?”

“You said you found it in a museum in Paris, I think.” The way he looked at the blade unnerved her; it was as if it was calling to him. Considering his life of work, she couldn’t find that too surprising.

“I’ve killed people with this,” Rey stated, trying to cement the idea in her mind. Sure, he had told her before, but it hadn’t settled in properly. She tried to hold it the way she had in her memory, taking up a defensive pose, her muscle memory doing what she could previous could not.

“I told you.” Kylo gave an ambivalent shrug.

It was easy to wield, almost natural. How long had she used it? How many people had she used it on? How many soulmates had she broken apart? Maybe she didn’t want to know the answer to those questions. Would this work against Snoke?

Suddenly she realized why it was even at his apartment in the first place.

“We were going to use this to kill Snoke?”

“Yes, now can we deal with this more in the morning?”

“This is important, Kylo.” She looked over as he lay back on the bed, eyes closed and legs still hanging off of it. “You look ridiculous.”

He said nothing, shrugging faintly.

Rey shot him a look, trying to make use of the adrenaline still in her system to work out what she could about the blade.

“Why’s it here, exactly? Why isn’t it at my place in Chicago?”

Kylo groaned. “Snoke’s looking for it; he has the only other one we know about, really.”

“’really’?”

“I’m not getting into it right now when we could be sleeping,” he muttered.

She stared daggers at him until he opened his eyes and looked back at her, staring at the knife I her hand. Rey was still wielding it, she realized, and silently and set it in her lap, unable to let go of it quite yet. It was part of her history, some of it at least, that’s all she could think when she looked at it. That, and the blood it shed.  

“There are rumors,” Rey surmised.

 “Snoke wants that weapon because not only does it just injure immortals, we can’t heal the wounds like we normally do. Take for example when you hit your head: I left and you healed right away. Injures made by these heal like mortals’ injuries do and they leave scars.”

“You said there are only a few, but there are also rumors? Who has the other one that you know of.”

Kylo’s gaze flicked away, voice flat. “Snoke.”

Rey grimaced. “Have you seen it?”

“I have.” He slowly sat up, brows furrowed in concentration. “Hux has use for it sometimes.”

“What does he even do for Snoke?”

“He tortures people, mostly.” The words left his mouth so nonchalantly that Rey almost didn’t register what he said.

She stared at him, horror setting in. Kylo took the time to correct himself.

“He also teaches on the side, does whatever Snoke wants of him.”

She blinked in disbelief, more grateful than ever that she was away from Hux. “As opposed to you?”

He gave her a glare, although she had seen worse. “ _I’m_ not hired help.”

Oh, that had pushed a button.

Rey put the knife away, closing the suitcase. When she looked back over at him, fatigue finally sinking in. They had completely swapped enegery levels, with her ready to sleep and him ready to defend himself.   

“Have you ever used the blades before?”

Kylo, although looking like he was still ready to pick a fight, paused to think for a moment.

“No.”

There was something else there, hiding behind his answer. Considering everything that Snoke was involved with, Rey wasn’t sure if she wanted the answer. Rey let the issue simmer for a bit, trying to get the last bit of info out before they headed back to bed.

“But you think there’s another one out there?”

He set his jaw, looking even more petulant.

“Is it anywhere _nearby_?”

“No.”

Rey gave him a look before she set the suitcase on the ground and slid it underneath the bed, ignoring the fact that he had pulled it from the closet. If he was going to start something than she was too tired to fight it.

She scooted back to the right side of the bed, Kylo slowly returning to his side. He lay on his back before shifting to his side, back turned to her. Rey would’ve been offended if she wasn’t so sure that he’d give up before she fell asleep. Even when they were barely touching when she fell asleep, waking up Kylo was nearly always nestled against her.

She curled up in her own spot and despite exhaustion pulling at her, the novelty of the weapon intrigued her.

Kylo clearly had some history with it, she still didn’t know why it was at _his_ place of all things, and why, according to her memories, Snoke had been hunting her. Then again, maybe four am wasn’t the best time to be asking those sorts of questions.

Before she could try and make sense of it, as she expected, Kylo rolled over and made short work of pulling her close. She didn’t resist, instead trying to relax as much as she could. While she could still feel his thoughts churning, he seemed to be able to let his muscles relax.

“I can hear you thinking,” he muttered against the back of her neck. His insult lacked any real venom as she could hear tiredness in his voice; he was ridiculous. She couldn’t help but wonder, based on what she had seen, if he always used anger as a cover for what he was feeling.

“Ditto.” Rey shifted and used his left arm as a pillow; it’d be numb by morning and she would take the petty victory.

Kylo’s hand squeezed her side and she felt his face burrow against her loose hair. His lips brushed the back of her neck and she let out a soft sigh, leaning further back against him.

“Night,” he breathed, voice already thick with sleep. Although he was always the last one to fall asleep, he was certainly ready to rest.

She gave a small smile, listening to the sound of his heartbeat. “Night.”

-

“What’s the deal with Phasma?” Rey asked, warming her hands on the coffee mug in front of her. She sat at the small dining table the next morning, watching as Kylo silently scrambled their eggs. “Why didn’t she send me to New York like she said she would?”

They hadn’t brought up the topic from the night before, Rey letting it settle for a bit. She’d get her answers but he seemed… adverse to dealing with getting a weapon they might sorely need. At least when she’d found herself waking up, Kylo had as well, despite his complaining the night before.

“She’s Hux’s unfortunate soulmate.” He continued to focus on the task at hand, whisking the eggs he’d just cracked. Rey just rolled her eyes; that much she knew. “But as far why she didn’t send you back to me… she must’ve made a plan with Hux that would screw the both of us over, just because they could.”

“Is she associated with Snoke as well?”

“Most immortals are, one way or another.  She does some field work for him, talks to people since she’s more a people person. Sort of.”

“Most are? How did I manage to avoid his _lovely_ company? I know- I know the man in my memory, I killed him to avoid getting ‘taken in’ but why was I hunted in the first place?”

 “You had the blade, it made you a threat.” Kylo poured the eggs into the hot pan, aggressively trying to stifle a yawn as he worked. “Snoke doesn’t have many details on you so as far as I’m aware; he isn’t sure where you live, who your soulmate is, things like that. The only reason he thinks that you still have the blade is because it hasn’t surfaced anywhere else.”

“You didn’t tell him anything about me?”

“There’re a lot of things I haven’t told him about you.”

Rey stared down at her coffee, unsure of the feeling in her chest.

“Why’s the blade here in your apartment?”

“You didn’t want Snoke finding it if he ever found you.”

“And your apartment was the best place instead?”

Kylo fell silent and Rey could practically hear him thinking, considering something.

“Like I told you, he never visits me.”

There was something else, something he was holding back.

“And there was no other reason?” Rey picked up her mug and took a sip, eyes trained on his back.

“You wanted me to have it, in case I had the chance to meet with him again.”

She watched as he scraped the eggs off the pan and served them onto each place. He grabbed them utensils and set it down on the table, motioning to the salt and pepper on already there.

“You like it best with an insane amount of pepper.” He went back to the cupboards and grabbed two glasses, setting them on the counter before moving to the fridge.  

Rey lightly sprinkled her eggs with the pepper before trying it and confirming what he said; it barely tasted like anything with what she’d tried.d

Kylo returned with two glasses of orange juice, sitting across her at the small table. She’d asked about bacon or anything to add to it but he’d just shrugged and said they were out.

“Was I good cook?” she tried, trying to keep the conversation away from anything too serious.

“More or less.”

“And you?”

“I can cook.” She wasn’t sure if that was supposed to be a dig at her or himself so she continued on with her eggs. At least those were easier to deal with.

“You always look tired when you’re asleep,” she commented after a few minutes, taking a sip of her orange juice.

He looked unimpressed with her observation and tiredly blinked at her.

“People tend to be tired when they’re sleeping.”

“No, I mean,” she waved her fork at him, “don’t you ever sleep well?”

“I sleep better when you’re around.”

There was a certain comfort to having his arms around her, to feeling the solidness of his weight at her side, that she could conceded to.

“Me too.”

 Rey was left to think as they lapsed into a reasonably comfortable silence, helping clean the dishes once they were done. Afterwards, she returned to the bedroom and pulled out the suitcase, bringing it out to the couch.

He was reclining when she first appeared with the case, quickly sitting up and frowning at its apparent return.

“You still have questions.”

“You didn’t answer them all last night.”

She popped open the suitcase and picked up the knife, watching him fight to keep his expression neutral. She tried to change how she held it and found that her muscles knew what they were doing before she realized it.

“What don’t you like about this knife?”  

“It’s dangerous to us, for one thing.”

Rey raised a brow, trying to gauge what he was thinking. He certainly was good at keep his _feelings_ unclear, not giving off any feeling in particular.

She extended the weapon to him. “You can hold it, you know.”

“It’s fine, it’s yours, anyway.” He stared at it, studying it for several long moments. When she didn’t take it back Kylo gave a sigh and took the blade, weighing it in his hand.

“You’ve never even held it?” she asked, sitting beside him on the couch. She didn’t shy away from the contact, leg pressed against his as she watched him.

“There’s been no need.”

“You mentioned another one out there last night; why isn’t Snoke after that one?”

“He’s not sure where that’s at, either.”

Kylo flipped the blade and caught it in one smooth action, looking pleased with himself as he seemed to consider doing it a second time.

“He’s certainly shite at his job, isn’t he?”

“We’re lucky he doesn’t know everything.”

There was something… off about how he spoke whenever it came to Snoke, something that Rey wasn’t entirely comfortable with.

“I thought you were ready to kill him,” Rey murmured, sliding her right hand into his left. He blinked before he spoke, voice harsh.

“I’m ready to get it done and over with; I’d like nothing better than to gut him but we can’t exactly do that as it is, can we?”

She frowned and squeezed his hand. “Do you know where the other knife is?”

He set his jaw.

So, he did.

“Who has it?”  A long silence stretched between them. “ _Kylo_.”

“My uncle.”

“Your _what?_ You didn’t think to mention that you had an uncle before this?”

Whatever type of neutrality he’d worked to maintain was immediately fell away, sporting an expression that exuded almost a comical amount of annoyance. Rey would’ve laughed if the topic wasn’t so serious.

“He hasn’t exactly wanted to be part of my life since my I last saw him.”

“We need to go talk to him, get this other knife, maybe even his help; we’re going to need all the help we can get to stop Snoke.”

His hand tightened around hers, although it was clear that it wasn’t a conscious effort.

“I don’t exactly know where my uncle is at the moment.”

No one seemed to know where anyone was, it seemed. So much for all the power, stability, and influence that Snoke offered.

“How do you know he has it, then?”

“Because _you_ know him.”

-

Rey tried to grasp the fact that she apparently knew Kylo’s uncle better than his own nephew. Kylo filled in the gaps that he knew, that she’d encountered Luke through the remaining network of immortals as she had headed farther and farther into Europe. She’d gone through Prague and found the older man, then going as Lukáš. He’d moved out of the country as soon as the second world war had started, rightfully fearing the approaching iron curtain.

She’d reconnected with him in the modern age, flying to meet him in various countries before Snoke had begun to attempt to track her. As far as Kylo knew, Rey was certain that Luke had one of the last remaining immortal blades, and that he was more or less remaining secluded from the rest of the community due to Snoke’s insidious influence. She wasn’t sure who exactly his soulmate was, just that he’d told her not worry about it and she’d trusted enough to leave him to his secrets.

Kylo seemed to disapprove of the entire endeavor, although Rey sensed that he wouldn’t stop her or hesitate to come along if he thought there was any danger. They needed the extra advantage and even if they weren’t sure where Snoke was, it was a given that his location would eventually be revealed once more.

“He can’t stay isolated forever,” Kylo had reasoned, “I always have been _invited_ to his headquarters at one point or another.”

-

“What else do you know about the blade?”

They’d opted to go out again that evening since the idea of staying in all day didn’t appeal to Rey. Once they were out and about, she forced Kylo to buy them more ice cream, to make up for old times, she’d said. While he had showed her where her cards and money were, it was least he could do considering how much of a pain he’d been so far.

Despite his complaints that they didn’t sleep well enough the night before, he grudgingly agreed to let Rey drag him on a walk again. They walked with their treats in hand, Rey’s mind wandering back to their conservation from last night. The blade was still in the apartment, back to being stowed in the back of the closet.

She thought back to its ornate handle, how deadly the blade had looked, especially in his hands. She believed him when he talked about how it was made to hurt.

“I still don’t know why you wouldn’t use it,” she quieted as they passed another pedestrian, “at work.”

“I’m not looking to make people suffer,” he made a face, “that’s been Hux’s job for ages now.”

Rey took a long lick of her ice cream, furrowing her brows in concentration.

“Does that mean that you’ve done the job before?”

“When it was needed. War is war and immortals are no different.”

“What did Snoke do before, what, _organizing_ immortals? Was he always like this?”

“He’s always been in the shadows, slowly gaining power and acting as a unifying factor for those with a certain disposition.” When she gave him a look, he sighed. “He gave Hux, Phasma, others, jobs throughout the years, put our skills to use.”

Rey shook her head. “You said you never touched an immortal blade, but you…”

“It’s not always immortals that Snoke is concerned about.” He turned to his own diminishing cone. “You don’t need to cut flesh to torture someone.”

Rey knew that all too well.

“How are we supposed to spark my memory of Luke’s location? I barely remember myself as it is.” She glanced up at him. “I know you were thinking about it last night.”

“You wouldn’t agree to it.”

She looked up at a cloud passing overhead; part of her just wanted to give up, to let Snoke win, to join Kylo just so that they could stay together. Then again, based on Kylo’s hesitancy to tell Snoke about her, regardless of the weapon, she wasn’t sure what would happen to her if Kylo’s master found out she was his soulmate.

They kept walking until they reached the park they’d visited the day before, and although they were nearly done with their cones, Rey insisted that they claim a bench.

“I know I’m supposed to feel sad,” Rey stated after a few moments of silence. She was tucked against his side, his arm resting against the back of the bench. It was tiring pretending that she was okay, that she could handle it all, that it wasn’t terrifyingly and so frustratingly overwhelming. “But every time I realize that I’m missing out on something, I’m _angry_. I can’t fucking change any of this and if your idea even works, how do we know that I’ll remember what we need? What if I just have some weird flashbacks to my childhood? What if I don’t remember anything?”

“Do what you’ve done in the past, _use_ it, find something you can channel it into.” His hand brushed a strand of her hair out of her face, arm slowly curling around her shoulder. “You always managed to avoid letting it consume you.”

Rey closed her eyes, enjoying the warmth of the daylight and the heat that Kylo offered. Whatever reservations she had about their past lives how he currently was making a living, she had gotten one thing right.

When she spoke, her voice was lower, unsure of how far he was going to let this line of thinking go.

“But not you?”

Kylo ran his hand through a few of her lose strands; his voice sounded distracted when he spoke.

“I’m much better at using my anger when I let it consume me.”

She let him rest his hand against her cheek before she opened her eyes, looking up at him. She gave him a small smile.

There were countless issues she could bring up, _who_ had taught him to be that way, if it was really the right away, but they’d just gotten over issue with the blade and were on good terms for the moment. Rey wanted to enjoy his company for what it was, not what he became when he was defensive, avoiding truths that she had clearly understood when they were together.

A child screamed in the distance, from the other side of the park, maybe, and Rey pretended not to notice the interruption.

Instead of focusing on what was going to be, which frankly was terrifying, she opted for a safer, if not sadder, topic.

“How did we start dating?”

He frowned momentarily but looked away, clearly trying to remember.

“It was after you found me, after you hunted me down; you’d confronted me and wanted to know what we were supposed to do considering everything.”

“And what was your answer?”

He shrugged. “After we decided that we weren’t ready die, you were willing to tell me more about yourself, and vice versa.”

Rey tipped her head back into his arm around her shoulder, wanting to make sure that she could catch all of his expressions, wanting _more_ of him in general. It was nice when he was more transparent, when he wasn’t trying to mask everything he felt.

“What great declarations did you make to get me to fall head over heels in love with you?”

Kylo gave a loud snort.

“At first you tried to convince yourself that things weren’t going to work, that you could just fuck me and that’d make it all okay. That didn’t last very long,” his thumb ran across her cheek, “you… you saw things in Snoke that I had been pretending not to see for centuries, you saw past everything I’d become.”

“We were happy?” Rey’s voice was hesitant, not wanting to interrupt his reminiscing.

“We tried to be,” there was a hesitancy to his voice before it disappeared, “we just wanted to be together.”

She shifted so that she was leaning into his left arm and reached up to hold his face with both of her hands.

“What were we going to do when we ran away? Just live happily ever after?”

“I promised that I would help try and track down whatever I could about your family, then we would figure something out for work wherever we landed.”

“You don’t even speak Russian.” She tried to imagine him going about the Russian countryside interrogating some poor, innocent бабки.

“I can learn.”

“You’ve got to teach me Italian, then.”

Kylo looked like he was about to laugh but stopped himself, letting out a long breath through his nose.

“You never liked it very much, even if you did want to move there.”

“So?”

“You were also very bad at it.”

“Piss off,” Rey gently smacked his shoulder, giving a soft laugh.

“It’s true, you’re much more suited for Slavic languages.”

“Oh, and you’re the king of them all?”

“I _enjoy_ learning other languages.”

“Just come here.” She made a face as she pulled Kylo into a kiss, making him lean down in order to get what he wanted.

His lips met hers readily and Rey couldn’t help but smile into the kiss, tightening her grip wherever she could get a hold on him. She had initially planned on a sharing only a brief kiss, but when he insisted on deepening it, she obliged. It seemed after having much of the relationship on display, after being questioned about so many aspects of it over the course of their time together, he wanted something simpler.

Kylo’s hands seemed to gain a purpose, holding her close, touches heavy and possessive. He’d kissed her like this before, back when she’d first invited him to do so, and again in the morning haze of mild petting. While she wouldn’t call it holding back, it seemed as if he’d been keeping himself in check with how much he seemed to let go when they were together.

While a park bench was hardly the place to let herself get drawn into his touches, Rey found herself doing just that. It was addicting, _satisfying_ , everything that she had been missing so far. Everything else was a fractured mess, uncertainty hid around every corner, threatening to make her re-think her life, but she had _him_ , had this man who was completely and utterly devoted to her. That had to count for something.

-

After ‘accidentally’ being hit by a football by a child, they left the park, Rey taking Kylo’s hand as she made it her mission to navigate the neighborhood based on her intuition alone. It was much like being in Chicago except for the fact that the buildings were far taller and the sprawling cityscape made for countless more paths to get lost down.

Kylo pointed out some places that they had visited before when Rey didn’t immediately recognize them, although she did manage to piece together a few of their outings. She found a cute café that Kylo confirmed that she had visited several times before. She hoped that even small things, with bits and pieces of memories attached, might give way to something bigger, something more important.

Any hopes that Rey had for suddenly having an epiphany about where Luke was, how to get the blade, or even anything about herself, were dashed after several hours of wandering the city in the growing heat. There had made a general circle around the vicinity of their apartment, and while she knew it wouldn’t be that long of a walk back, she wasn’t ready for his company to be taken from her when Kylo got a call for a job somewhere down in Jersey.

After he pocked the phone, he gave her a look, almost studying her expression.

Rey gave a soft sigh. “Do I want to know what you’re thinking?”

They were stood in the shadow of a large apartment building, a few people milling about on the sidewalk, although for the moment they were alone.

“I have an idea, it might help you get some of your memories back.” A faint gust of wind disturbed both of their hair and he ran a hand through his, trying to control it. “But it has to do with my job; you won’t like it.”

Rey crossed her arms, chewing the inside of her cheek as she turned over the mere concept of him suggestion. There seemed to be only one direction for it to be headed in.

“I’ve no interest in killing anyone, Kylo.”

“You wouldn’t be the one doing the killing.”

Was he really inviting her to watch him kill someone?

Was she really considering saying yes?

Rey looked away as she turned it over in her mind. Regardless if she went along as well, he would kill whoever his target was and it wouldn’t change the fact that he had done it what, hundreds of times?

“I’ll go with you there,” she sighed, meeting his gaze, “but I won’t make any promises.”

-

They didn’t head out immediately, Kylo insisting that they wait until midnight to even head out. The ride down was mostly silent, Rey sitting in the passenger seat of his black Volvo. She’d snorted when she’d seen it the first time, but she’d resisted the urge to tease him, instead settling in the comfortable seat.

Kylo drove reasonably, a bit harsher and more aggressive than Rey would have liked, but it wasn’t so bad that it completely distracted her from her reverie. She stared out her window, wondering what it would mean, if it meant anything at all, that she was considering his suggestion. She knew that he had a point, that witnessing such a visceral thing would make her feel something, that there was even the chance that she’d remember something.

Kylo briefly interrupted her thinking to explain that when he’d been hunting her down, when he’d been sent by Snoke, that their first real meeting had been when she’d seen him kill someone. It stood to reason, then, that recreating the scene would bring _something_ back.

Everything that they had tried so far had been small steps, favorite foods, colors, places to visit, but they were tiny pieces of the picture.

Rey watched the moon in the sky, frowning down at her phone, wanting to text Finn or Poe, wanting their opinion on it all. Sure, she had Kylo, but he was biased; she was sure that anyone else wouldn’t have suggested such a dark measure. How was she supposed to even text her friends, tell them that she might witness a murder just because she could? There was no way to explain it without compromising everything.

Kylo pulled off to the side of the highway after a while and Rey’s suspicion that they were getting closer was confirmed. He didn’t turn on the overhead light, instead allowing them to be illuminated by the light from the traffic and his own headlights.

“Before we get any further, I need an answer.” His hands rested on the steering wheel, gaze trained on her. It was unfair, how cold his gaze had become, how warm it could be when he wasn’t about to kill someone.

She looked at him, lips in a line. She wanted answers and was willing to pay the price; she’d seen it before, hadn’t she?

“I want to see you do it.”

-

Rey wasn’t sure what she was expecting to see, despite the fact that Kylo had given her a short warning in advance. He had pulled out a leather jack, predictably black, and wore black clothes, but otherwise he looked as he normally did. He’d showed her how he was going to kill the man, a slender, metal garrote with firm hold on either end of the cord. Surreal was the only way to describe the entire situation.

He told her that his target was a man who’s simply made an enemy of Snoke, had poked the bear one too many times and was about to face the consequences. The only comfort Rey could take from it all was that the target was unmarried, had no children, and as far as Kylo knew, had no family that would look into his death.

While Rey was glad that the residence didn’t have many lights illuminating the building, she was even more disconcerted by how dark it was inside. She’d tried not to look concerned at how he had picked the lock of the dingy house, trying to force herself to see the entire endeavor as a means to the ends. In the end, it didn’t matter, Kylo managed to reach his target, a man who was nearly a foot shorter than him.

At first, all Rey felt was horror as she saw Kylo, passive expression as he flexed his muscles and strained to keep the metal garrote snugly around the man’s neck,as the man’s feet left the ground.

There was a minute amount of relief in the fact that Kylo at least turned the man’s face away; she wasn’t sure that she could handle seeing the life leaving the man. The three of them stood in the man’s dark bedroom, the entire scene fuzzy as the outline of the man and Kylo were all unclear.

The man who had said he loved her gave her a concerned look as she strained to keep the other man off the ground, features lit just enough by the ambient light that she could make out the furrowing of his brows.

Then, Rey could picture what was going to happen. She could imagine the unnamed man’s body go limp as he passed out, but that wouldn’t be it, that wouldn’t be the end. No, she could predict the way that Kylo would have the ensure that there was no pulse, no breath, nothing.

Rey could imagine it, and then before the man even went limp, she _remembered_.

She let out a gasp as she was thrown back through memories, reliving them all in one moment, ranging from her treasured mountain range to-

_Kylo Ren._

That name she knew like the back of her hand, one she had encountered, one she had feared finding. He was her soulmate, but what a disappointment he’d been. Learning that she was stuck to a killer had been a kick in the chest, an insult to everything that she had made for herself. _She_ didn’t just go around killing, _she_ worked to make those around her happier, to help where she could, but keep herself afloat. And she was stuck with such a sad excuse for a soulmate. The entire situation filled her with _anger_ , at herself, at him, at whatever maker had decided that she was to have a soulmate.

Oh, Rey remembered Kylo Ren.

Rey remembered seeing him take a life for the first time, how he had looked indescribably unaffected by it. She remembered how he’d hunted her down and he’d almost begged her to join him, to _learn_ from him. She’d remembered the bystander who had walked in on their conversation in the abandoned warehouse, a man she knew Kylo had witnessed harassing her earlier. She remembered watching Kylo, all impulse, free his garrote from his jacket pocket end the man’s life.

Reliving that moment a second time threw her headfirst into it all, the sea of emotions that she could remember, all of it assaulting her senses, everything she had every thought about her life, about Kylo Ren.

Rey staggered back and Kylo looked like he was trying to hurry the process, almost about to speak. Before he could, she turned and fled.

Rey knew only one truth: she wanted to be free of Kylo Ren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I know everyone wanted Rey to get her memories back and now we have it, well, maybe not the way you were expecting.
> 
> Want to scream at me some more? I'm at vvhenan on tumblr


	12. An Old Kind of Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey wasn’t sure if she was happy with what she was left with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! Looking for clarification on what happened last time? Me too!

Rey tore her way through the front door, staggering out into the dark street. Her head was pounding, memories rushing back to the surface of her consciousness and she was unsure what exactly she was doing. Her first instinct was to _run_ , to get away, to get back on her own and try and sort her memories out that way. As far as she remembered, she had an apartment out in LA, but that was too far away at the moment.

There was only one option that she saw as she stood in the middle of the dark street.

She stumbled towards the Volvo, yanking the door open and collapsing in the driver’s seat. She promptly locked the door, sinking into the leather seat as she tried to let her mind reconcile it all, to try and _understand_.

Rey remembered everything, her childhood, the horrors of the indifference and manipulative nature of Unkar Plutt, the _years_ spent scavenging amongst countless mountain ranges and shying away from any real hint of civilization.

All the loneliness, the years roaming the mountains, barely speaking to anyone for weeks at a time, all the nights spent alone trying to count the stars, it came crashing back. She had been terrified for years to leave her homeland, paranoid that her soulmate would somehow find her and she’d miss them, but after ages it seemed inevitable that she would leave. All that the Russian mountains held for her anymore was terrifying loneliness.

She remembered finally forcing herself to travel west, making her way through other countries by managing to get through a mess of Slavic languages, finally encountering Luke Skywalker.

Luke was the one who had taught Rey that most of the immortal population had died with the black plague, that although there were others spread all across the world, they too had become isolated and there were rarely anymore immortal children. She learned from him everything she had been denied by losing her family, about the community that used to exist and was now a dying relic.

He taught her about the immortal blade, about how staying on the move was one of the few ways to guarantee safety from nosey neighbors. Luke, in parting words, had warned her of Snoke and all those around him, that they sought nothing but power, control.

She had made a life for herself after Luke’s encouragement, settling in Paris as cliché as of a backstory that it was. There were plenty of people there and a market for growth which she’d used for her advantage. Back then it there had been no real regulation of people like modern days, making it easier to lie about who she was and what she was doing.

Rey had moved to the UK later in a bid to learn English, as she realized more and more foreigners were using it to get by. It wasn’t that she’d never learned it, it had been useful before, but she’d never been able to pass as a native. Moving to London had helped her perfect it, and moving to the US years later had given her a chance to pick up a second accent.

Then, she had learned about the price on her head, about how far-reaching Snoke’s influence was slowly becoming. She learned about Kylo Ren through the grapevine, and in the US, while still trying to settle down, she finally was hunted down.

Seeing him kill the man was confirmation of everything people had whispered about him, that he was a monster, that he was like Snoke, that he didn’t have a soulmate. When she had confronted him, ready to shout down any of his defense, she had felt it, the bond, could _feel_ his emotions. And then-

Then, she had woken up on the beach in Chicago, a year and a half later. She’d met Finn and Poe, met Hux, met Kylo, _kissed_ Kylo, apparently had a life with the man she’d previously wanted nothing to do with.

She’d nearly given up hope in finding anyone, lost faith that her soulmate would even have been worth all that time searching him out, and now what did she have to show for it?

Rey wanted to scream.

She curled up in the seat, wrapping her arms around knees as she tried to think of what she could do next, her eyes closed as she tried to keep everything in check. She didn’t have the keys and she had no idea how to hotwire a car, so she had to wait for-

Kylo tapped on window and Rey’s heart jumped into her throat, eyes flying open as she looked up at the man outside of the vehicle. He had apparently finished the job, the garrote hidden and his gloves removed as well. What she could feel of his emotions mirrored her own; he was caught in the mess of instability, of not knowing what was going to happen next.

“Rey? Hey, hey, it’s okay, I don’t know what you remember but-”

“ _Будь спокоен_ ,” she shouted, closing her eyes again.

Rey tried to slow her breathing, tried to ignore the hulking creature waiting for her on the other side of the glass. He had _no_ right to say her name, no right to sound that worried.

She heard him try the handle and stared daggers at him before she looked past him, into the dark night. The full reality of everything set in, where they were, _when_ they were, and exactly why they had gone there. The murder, they were still at scene of the crime. They needed to leave.

Rey looked out at Kylo, unable to bring herself to hate him as much as her memories insisted that she do so. She’d seen the love in his eyes, heard him confess it to her, had _felt_ how much she meant to him; she still had all her memories of the past week. While she wasn’t able to remember what had happened to them, she did remember herself.

Rey wasn’t sure if she was happy with what she was left with.

Regardless, she unlocked the car and grudgingly clambered her way into the passenger seat, looking out at the dark neighborhood through the passenger side window. The overhead light came on and she pointedly ignored when she _knew_ he was looking at her, how she could _feel_ him screaming for her attention.

“Just drive,” she breathed, leaning further against her side of the car, trying to keep some sort of distance between them; she couldn’t handle everything at once. “Get us back to the flat.”

Kylo started the car they were plunged into darkness again, driving in silence as they hit the main roads.

Rey knew her life before, what had come before seeing him commit the murder in front of her, but how was she supposed to make that agree with what she had learned? She knew he cared for her, but at the moment her entire instinct was to fight him, to do anything to get away from him. Anytime she managed to get herself to consider him in a neutral light, she was back to her old instincts.

Living on her own for so long, Rey had gotten good at being self-sufficient; she hadn’t ever needed anyone else. The thought of a soulmate, at first, had be ridiculous, almost a joke. Then it had become something to have hope in, to keep herself going. After Luke, before she knew exactly who she was ‘destined’ for, it had become an embarrassing dream. How was someone supposed to exist solely for her? When she’d encountered Ren, everything had shattered.

Rey believed Kylo when he said that she had stabbed him at one point; she was sure that she’d be so desperate to be on her own, to reject him, that she’d go so far.

“I’m sorry,” she managed to get out, looking at the time on the vehicle’s dash; it was half past one in the morning. Kylo glanced at her and she saw him working to keep his expression in check. “For stabbing you, before.”

“It’s alright.” His gaze flicked back to the road, one hand on the wheel. “What exactly do you remember?”

Rey studied his features in the unsteady lights, his profile clear despite the muddy light behind him.

“Who I used to be.” She blinked and looked toward the endless road in front of them. “Up until I saw you kill that man, at least, before, in the warehouse.”

Despite it haven taken place so long ago, the newly fresh memory stung and she couldn’t help but let the acidity seep into her voice. She mentally scolded herself, she had to _try_ and move on, but that was easier to say than to act on. It wasn’t like _she_ hadn’t killed when it was needed.

Kylo gave a low sigh and nodded, readjusting his grip on the wheel.

“Do you still remember everything since the beach?” He sounded desperate despite his best effort to sound detached; he was always bad at lying about how he felt.

“Yes.”

“Do you believe what I told you, about us?”

Rey looked back at him again, brows furrowing at how precisely he had nailed her thought process.  

Kylo gave a soft, exhausted sigh. “You were so used to being on your own, that in the beginning, when we first tried, you had a hard time.” He made a small motion with his free hand. “You couldn’t believe when it was finally happening.”

“What about you?” Everything he had told her made her think that _he_ certainly wouldn’t have been ready, either. “You didn’t think you even _had_ a soulmate.”

“It wasn’t easy for either of us, we were both…” He paused as he searched for the right word.

“Afraid?” She suggested, shifting her position so that she was less in a ball, stretching out her muscles.

Kylo let out a sigh, clearly loathe to admit any sort of weakness. Considering that he worked for Snoke, she didn’t find that surprising.

“Yes.”

She thought back to her memories leading up to the warehouse, trying to pull what she could from them. They’d already faded, weren’t as crisp as when she tried to recall anything recently, but she’d gone there to confront him, although they hadn’t gotten to the point where she’d wanted to figure it out.

“I don’t remember trying to find equal footing,” Rey struggled to describe what she was feeling, the inconsistencies with the gaps in her memory, “I know I went to find you and _end_ whatever was going on,” them being soulmates, that was. She had been desperate for an answer, for an end, for something to have made her life worth it. “But not any idea of really _talking._ ”

“You ran away that first time, too, I should’ve expected it.” She frowned at him and he quickly backtracked. “You knew I wanted to talk to you, knew that I had been following you, that I’d follow anyway. Look, I never said your plan made any sense. We talked after the man’s death, after you found me again; you were a little calmer that time around, wanted to find answers to it all.”

Rey pulled out her phone, going back to a few of the texts sent before her memory loss, or rather, this phone’s account of it. Looing it all over again, they seemed like a normal couple, her sending more cute texts than him but he reciprocated in kind on most occasions. She tried to let herself relax, to stop letting her old habits get in the way of figuring it all out.

“Why do you have one of my phones?”

“You had a few different phones, left a few with me because you could.” He sounded truthful enough. He had given it to her right away, she reasoned.

She continued to scroll through their messages, the last week, all the time they had spent together all settling in. What they had was _real_ , had become her life, was supposed to have been her life.

Rey had loved Kylo, she realized all over again. When she had no memories, the situation had been somewhat sad, mostly frustrating because she couldn’t remember anything that mattered. Now that she remembered the linliness that suffocated her at night, _who_ she had tried so hard to be, it was compounded.

She couldn’t decide on who she was, what she had believed when she had been without any of her memories, or who she was now that she had most of them back? All that anger that she had from years of survival, now vague memories of her time in France, everything was just a haze and Rey couldn’t pinpoint where she started and where her old self began.

“You don’t have to know everything right away.”

Rey blinked, focusing back on the man at the wheel. Kylo ignored the road for what she considered a dangerous amount of time before his gaze left her.

“I’m just…” She looked out of the passenger side window, peering at the distant lights, trying to settle on the right word before giving up. “Tired.”

“You can try to sleep on the way back if you want.”

“And let you carry me up to your flat?” Rey snorted, closing her eyes and slipping her phone back into her pocket.

Kylo didn’t reply, although she could _feel_ that he felt more at ease than he had when she had initially let him in.  

She didn’t drift off to sleep, unable to settle as memories bubbled up at nearly every thought. It was all a mess, she decided, having her old memories and the more recent ones. She felt like a creature living in someone else’s skin despite the fact that it was hers, that she was finally closer to being _herself_.

Rey stretched in her seat when they finally pulled into the parking garage, gaze flicking to Kylo as he stifled a yawn. He pulled into a spot and turned off the engine, giving her a hopeful look.

“I never knew your name was Ben,” she murmured, removing her seatbelt, “before it all. Luke always called you Kylo.”

“Probably because it’s more accurate,” he shrugged off his own belt. “Ben was a friend of the family, with his name came his legacy.”

“It’s better than practically having no name,” Rey watched as the interior light of the car turned off, leaving them in eerie darkness; it reminded her of everything they had just left behind. “ _You_ at least had a family.”

“One that was too busy with their own interests to bother with their son.’

“I’m sure that they loved you.” She sighed and opened up her door, activating the overhead light once more. She was halfway out the car when she barely caught his response.

“Not enough.” His voice was low and he was growing visibly tense.

She’d have to bring the topic back up when she wasn’t fighting off a headache and wanting to pass out as soon as possible.

Rey leaned down to look at him, right hand on the door. “Let’s just go and get some sleep.”

There was a pause before Kylo huffed and exited the car. Rey sighed in relief as he locked the car and they boarded the lift, her staring at herself in the reflection of the metal door. She looked different from her newly-recovered memories, even if it was just a minute amount.

She looked up at him as the lift counted off the floors, everything, new and old, clashing. If she hadn’t gotten her memories back she would have easily have taken his hand to comfort the both of them, but as it was, she couldn’t bring herself to do it.  

“Don’t run off on me while I’m sleeping and we’ll be fine,” Kylo gave her a look as the door opened to their floor, quickly stepping off.

“I wouldn’t do that,” she muttered defensively, following him.

He pulled out his keys and threw her a skeptical look. “I know you, Rey.”

She stood there, every one of her memories of him before Chicago telling her that Kylo Ren had _no_ right to say her name, let alone with that much intimacy. In contrast to that, she couldn’t help but recall the time spent together earlier that day, the immortal blade, their walk, the park, his warm lips on hers, his large hands-

Rey blinked and stopped herself, stepping through the open door of the apartment after him. He didn’t turn on the lights, easily navigating his was via the minimal light filtering in.

“Let me get changed and you can have the bedroom all to yourself,” Kylo sighed, back turned as he made his way to the bedroom.

Rey wondered if they were back to step one, with her memories setting them further back rather than actually helping them. She _did_ remember where Luke was, at least a year and half ago, but had gained nothing regarding Kylo.

“Kylo,” she tried his name again, trying to get back that familiarity they had developed in their time together. He stopped in the doorway to the bedroom, slowly turning to look at her. “You can spend the night with me again.”

There was a brief pause, some of the tension leaving his shoulders. “Alright.”

He looked younger in the light, in the way that he looked at her with hope, and Rey wasn’t sure how she felt about it.

She was left with her thoughts as he closed the bedroom door behind him. She situated herself on the couch, trying to remind herself how happy she had seemed with him, returning to their old texts.

Rey let herself give a small smile at how sappy it all seemed at point, how sweet she had been, how he had been in return. Without her previous memories, they had just seemed like a typical couple, but now, she wondered how she been so set against him, against them.

She had never thought that she was going to have a happy ever after, not like this. Maybe, she had believed, she would find a nice person and move around with them, eventually suffering their death while she was forced to move on, continuing the cycle for however long. This, her soulmate, a permanent sort of love, was another thing entirely. Everything he had told her since the beach seemed genuine, from stories of them together even to her food preferences and habits.

She sighed, leaning her head back against the couch and closing her eyes. She turned her phone screen off, enjoying the darkness as it surrounded her, letting her mind wander.

Rey kept her eyes closed even as she heard Kylo emerge from the bedroom, listening to him stop, most likely staring at her like he always did. She wondered if in the past he would’ve walked over and given her a kiss.

“It’s quite the situation we’re in,” she murmured. Disturbed from his reverie, Rey heard him step closer, hands resting on the back of the couch on either side of her head. His voice came from above her, although he must’ve been standing behind the couch.

“You remember what’s important, at least.”

He was still trying to keep himself separated from it all, as if he wasn’t suffering, as if what they had, had meant nothing.

Rey opened her eyes and looked at him, his features hazy and muddled in the low lighting.

“I still don’t remember us.”

“ _You’re_ what’s most important.”

She wondered how could she could watch him kill someone, and yet he could make her feel like this, make her feel so loved even when he was distancing himself?

“Even if I don’t remember what we had,” she met his gaze with grim determination, “I’m not going to just give up on it.”

Rey watched as some of the pain he carried smoothed out. Satisfied that she had repaired some of the damage that had been done, she stood, giving a small yawn. She gave him a one-over and shrugged, making her way to the bedroom.

She didn’t bother to close the door; they had been in a relationship, hadn’t they? He’d already seen her and there was no reason to fear him; Rey was more than capable of holding her own, naked or not. Before Chicago, before all of this, he’d already been desperate for her attention, she reasoned that even if he _did_ pose a thread, she had even more power over him as it was.

She quickly stripped and found a pair of pajamas, finally opening the door completely to find Kylo in the same position she had been in only moments ago. His head was tipped back and resting on the top of the couch, although his eyes were open and he seemed focused on some point beyond the ceiling. He groaned when he noticed her, slowly standing before he seemed to size her up.

Rey noticed how he lingered on her choice of clothing and she raised a brow as he approached, crossing her arms.

“You never did explain what’s going on with these pajamas.”

Kylo rubbed his eyes and let out a sigh, looking defeated when he was done. “Whenever you used to wear those, they never lasted the night on you.”

Rey blinked and despite her best efforts, she felt herself blush.

“Well, thank you for not taking them off so far.”

She turned and quickly settled into the sheets and used the thin blanket as a source of comfort more than anything else. Even after all her time sleeping in beds, it always took her by surprise at exactly how _comfortable_ they were compared to stone floors and threadbare beds.

When Kylo didn’t immediately slide up to her, she turned back to have a look at him, rolling onto her back in the process. He was also lying on his back, gaze tiredly trained on her.

That love-sick look of his was back again.

“I know you were dealing with another version of me, earlier.” Rey sighed, shifting to press her shoulder against his. “That I wasn’t the same person you fell in love with, and now… I am, aren’t I? Just… reset?”

“You’ve always been you, and you still are.”

“You’re not the same that I remember.”

Kylo flicked his gaze away before focusing back on her.

“There have been a lot of things that’ve happened between what you remember and now.”

She studied his expression, gingerly touching his jaw as she tried to read between the lines. She let her thumb run along his bottom lip, trying to get herself used to it all again. It had been so much easier the night before, letting herself touch him as she liked, but now it felt like she’d been thrown two steps back.

“You mean that I came into your life?”

His lips parted as he went to reply and Rey wondered why the hell he could look so kissable in his condition.

“You could say that.” Kylo gave a small smile and she couldn’t remember ever seeing him with such a gentle expression; it suited him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh these kids and their lovesick lives.
> 
> Some songs I listened to while writing and got me into the mood of the last couple of chapters:  
> Sia - To Be Human (Lyrics) feat. Labrinth | Wonder Woman Soundtrack  
> Phildel - Moonsea  
> Oh Wonder - Without You  
> Lorde - SuperCut  
> Lorde - Sober II  
> Who We Are - Imagine Dragons  
> Imagine Dragons - It Comes Back To You
> 
> As always, you can find me on tumblr at vvhenan


	13. Planes and Trains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He made an expression that was the closest to a pout that she’d ever seen him make and Rey let out a soft laugh, running her thumbs along the sides of his face.
> 
> “You poor thing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm what to say about this chapter? Well, there is definitely a difference in someone's behavior if they have no memories vs if they all the memories of hundreds of years. I think it makes a change. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy what that entails.

Rey fell asleep in Kylo’s arms, waking up with him underneath her, his arms loose around her as if she was a stuffed animal. As she tentatively stretched, she was surprised to see that he was already awake, quietly watching as she looked around.  

“No dreams,” she yawned, setting her face back in the crook of his neck where it was warm.

“Me neither.” His voice was still thick with sleep, hand trailing down her back. While she remembered that their focus was supposed to be on getting the immortal blade, she enjoyed the warmth and comfort he provided for the time being.  

“You really like my ass, don’t you?” Rey valiantly worked to keep any expression off her face but when the inevitable smirk came, she pressed her face against his collarbone.

“It’s pretty nice,” he confirmed. She wasn’t disappointed when he reached down and grabbed it, clearly picking up on the invitation and needing no other offer.

She snorted, hand resting on his chest before gingerly picking at the fuzz on his shirt. She’d have to get it off him, eventually, she decided, when they had more time.

“What about my tits?” she posed, shifting once more so that she could study his expression, trying to look as serious as possible.

“Oh, they look good no matter what.” Kylo smirked and she rolled her eyes.

“Maybe later, loverboy.” Rey pressed her face to his shoulder for a moment before she groaned and rolled off him, listening to his dissatisfied groan as well. He made a weak attempt to keep her in place but once she was sitting up he seemed to give up. “I’m going to need my passports.”

“Where are you going now?” He sat up and she pretended to ignore his hand on her waist; he really was desperate for affection, wasn’t he? It didn’t surprise her, now, how he had nearly _begged_ for her to join Snoke with him, to stay.

In response to his question, she let her hair down from the ponytail she’d slept with it in, running her fingers through it in a crude attempt to brush it.

“I remember where the blade is, or at least from a year and a half ago. I need to go to get it.” Rey considered what they were up against, Snoke, whoever he had with him and- “Kylo, _fuck-_ ” she left the bed and picked up her phone, pulling up her browser.

“What?” He’d perked up a bit, frowning at her tone.

“Back in Chicago, I don’t think I told you, but I- there was a meme of me, of sorts.” She found what she was looking for, moving back to the bed and before she showed Kylo the gif of her with the engine block. His expression hardened and her heart sank. “Do you think Snoke has seen this?”

“I don’t know,” his brows furrowed and he gave her a look. “This was before I found you? If he _did_ know about it, that explains why he didn’t question why I was heading there; he must’ve thought that I was going after you.”

“And as far as _he_ knows, you failed?”

“I never mentioned anything about you him.” Kylo pinched the bridge of his nose as he stood and moved to the closet. “Where’s the blade at?”

“Last I knew, Luke had left it in a place outside of Prague?”

“You’re going back _there_?”

“He always rotated around, never the same place, but this cabin… it’s nice, okay? It should be secure and no one else will have had any reason to visit it.”

“What if Snoke realizes that you’ve left Chicago?” She watched as he pulled out some clothes but paused, giving her a look.

Rey bit her lip and looked back at her phone. “I think we can make him believe that I’m still there, if anything he might send you there and then I can go to Prague.”

Kylo nodded faintly. “What’s your plan?”

“I could get Finn or Poe to post something of me online, something ridiculous, I don’t know, but _something_ , and there’s a chance that if Snoke’s already looking for me, then he’ll see that and he can take it as confirmation that I’m still there.”

“And when I can’t find you in Chicago?”

“Kylo,” she gave him a look, “you couldn’t find me for _years_ , another setback will be fine.”

He turned away and she watched as he stripped off his shirt. Maybe, Rey thought, she should’ve expected what she saw, should’ve expected that Snoke, with an immortal blade, was bound to abuse it.

Kylo’s back was littered with scars and she was hit with the reality of _exactly_ what his relationship with the weapon was, what his like with Snoke had been and continued to be. Some of the scars were long and stretched the entired length of his back, others short but appearing more as if he had just been stabbed. Her blood boiled at the injustice, the selfish corner of her mind hurt that she hadn’t seen it yet, that he hadn’t just _told_ her.

Rey stood staring at his back as he pulled on a light grey shirt and turned around, finally noticing her gawking.

“It’s fine,” he muttered, tossing the sleep shirt in the hamper nearby. She stared at him and gave him an incredulous look.

“It’s not.”

“You should go buy those tickets to Prague if you’re leaving, tell Finn to post whatever it is as soon as possible.”

“Kylo,” she tried, stepping closer and touching his arm. He tensed but he just looked down at her, quickly moving on.

“Don’t forget to say hi to Luke while you’re there.”

“Ben,” Rey tried, tightening her grip on him. He fell silent and looked away momentarily. “You _know_ that it’s not okay.”

“Well, what am supposed to do about it now?”

“We _are_ going to kill him, he’s going to die,” she forced as much determination into her voice as she could, thinking back to what he’d said the other night, “and you _will_ be able to gut him.”

Kylo gave a grim nod, glancing back at the blade hidden away in the closet.

“What are you going to do with that?” he muttered. “Leave it here?”

“We still don’t know where Snoke is so there’s no point in moving it.”

Rey stared at him for another moment, flexing her hands before she resolved to focus on what they could get done. When it seemed that he was moving away, she pressed up against him, standing on her tiptoes as she stole a brief kiss. Kylo reciprocated the gentle kiss in kind, one of his hands resting on the back of her neck as he leaned down.

Maybe they’d be okay, she decided.

-

After scarfing down a breakfast, Rey sat on the phone with Finn, her laptop in her lap and debit cards spread aout the couch as she tried to organize it all. She had caught him between classes, letting him know that she remembered almost everything, expressing how much she appreciated what they had done for her, supporting her when she had nothing.

“I didn’t have anything to offer and yet…” She was aware that Kylo was not-so-subtly eavesdropping from the kitchen but didn’t care, scrolling down the available flights. “I was wondering if you could do one more thing for me.”

“Anything.” Finn sounded just like she remembered and she was glad that out of everything that had happened, she had ended up with them.

“Do you know if Poe has any more pictures from the shop? We took some one of the days I was working,” she flexed her hand around the mouse, itching to get the second blade. “If he does, I need him to post them online, claiming that they’re not photoshopped, making me out to be the real thing.”

“And here I thought you were trying to keep a low profile.”

“Things have changed, I need certain people to think I’m there.”

“Will Poe and I be okay?”

Rey frowned at the question, glancing over at Kylo who was looking at flights back to Chicago.

“I could get Kylo to make sure that you were.” The man in question sat up from his previously hunched position and looked her way, clearly not on board with the statement. “Just a second, Finn.”

The man on the other end made a sound of agreement and Rey set the phone down, giving Kylo a look.

“When you go to Chicago you’ve got to make sure that they’re not under suspicion, that Snoke knows that they don’t know anything about where I’m at.” She had heard plenty of stories about what happened when people got in the way of Kylo Ren and Snoke and didn’t need her friends to be casualties.

He gave a non-committal shrug. “If they post it and it gets traced back to them, there’s nothing I can do about it.”

“Christ, I’ll get them to get it posted anonymously and _when_ Snoke sends you their way, tell him that they had no information.” Rey stared him down, watching as his jaw tensed. “After everything that’s happened, you owe them for making sure that I’m safe, that you even got me back.”

Kylo groaned and but waved her off, shifting back to his own laptop. “Fine.”

“Yeah, Finn?” Rey turned back and looked at her laptop. “You’re good, Kylo will make sure that nothing gets tracked back to you two.” She bit her lip and tried to lighten the mood. “Or BB-8.”

-

Rey ended up buying a ticket for the next morning, Kylo opting to leave for Chicago a few hours after she was gone. When they were done buying everything that they needed, she went to pack, wanting some time for herself and to think in general.

She packed enough for a few days in a duffle bag, something that was easy to carry around and convenient enough to store if needed. As she packed, her mind wandered to Kylo and herself, wondering about little things such as nicknames, places they had gone together, their plans that still had yet to be settled on. She’d visited Italy before and was certain that she’d be able to convince him to return, but that would come later.

When Rey finished and returned to the living room she spotted him on the couch, the laptop settled in his lap keeping his attention. Walking over, she was hardly surprised to see that he was reading another book; at least her soulmate was well read.

She couldn’t say that she was nothing like him, after all, she had read countless books through the years, kept updated with latest findings in mechanics in engineering. Reading about new technology and feats of engineering never failed to excite her. The thrill that had come when she had first worked on a huge Boeing had one that had lasted for months; growing up she had hardly been able to _imagine_ that such things could even exist.

Rey set her hands on his shoulders, standing in much the same way he had been the night before.

“I’m mostly packed now, just need my toothbrush and things when I leave.”

Kylo looked up, expression subdued. “When should I expect to wake up tomorrow?”

“My flight’s at eleven in the morning so I’ll probably leave around eight to make sure everything’s in order, international flights and everything.”

He nodded and then went back to his screen. When he spoke, she almost didn’t catch it.

“It’s nice to have you back.”

Rey blinked down at the top of his head, sliding a hand up to rest on the side of his face. He seemed to pause his reading, although he didn’t look up

“I’m still not me,” she murmured.

“That’s not what’s important.” Rey frowned down at him as he shrugged and struggled to explain. “You’re always you, even if you don’t think so.”

“That doesn’t make sense, Kylo, that despite my memories I’m still me? I thought that it was memories that make a person, nature versus nurture, all that.” She tucked a strand of a hair behind his ear. “It would be ridiculous to believe that you’d still love me even if I had a completely different background.”

Kylo turned around shifting his position on the couch, freeing himself from her hands if only for a few moments. His left hand settled on her waist and she wondered if she’d pushed him too far, his jaw set and look serious.

“It doesn’t matter what ‘version’ of you that _you_ are,” he bit the inside of his cheek, considering something for a moment before continuing with the same note of honesty in his voice, “I’d still love you.”  

Rey blinked as she processed it, realizing how much he meant it, given what they had been through so far. She didn’t try to think of what her ‘old’ self would have done, the version of her that had loved him for as long as they’d be together, instead she let herself believe exactly what he said.

He didn’t care about every little thing she did, every single thing she thought or said. Even before, back in Chicago, there in New York, he’d stuck close no matter how much she’d tried to hurt him, to push him away. Maybe it was just because he had no one else, because he was desperate for someone. Maybe it was that and so much more.

“Thank you,” was all she could manage.

He gave a faint nod and squeezed her hip, his hand warm and comforting. Before she could think of what it all meant, what she ‘should’ have done in that situation, she leant down and kissed him. The kiss was far more purposeful than she had been earlier, more intent on claiming _him_ as _hers_ and leaving no doubt between the two of them. In response, he pushed his laptop off of his lap and onto the couch cushion beside him, focusing on her and her alone.

Maybe she was selfish, she realized as his arm wrapped around her and she struggled to get closer to him. Rey eventually climbed into his lap and straddled him, wanting more than anything to have him. Everything about him was screaming to her, even as she felt his emotions tumble over themselves, him trying to make sense of going on. It didn’t matter what either of them felt at that moment, she decided; maybe she just liked the taste of love.

-

Kylo always tended to wake up first, Rey realized the next morning. She had ended up stretched out on her stomach, face pressed into the sheets, while he had apparently decided to use her as a pillow again. His head rested on her upper back and she felt him shift to take some of his weight off her, seemingly waking her up in the process.

She yawned and looked up at him, blinking against the hazy light streaming into the room. When she first looked up at him, it appeared a bit like he had a halo and Rey found the imagery it conjured up more amusing than anything else. He looked tired but happy, much like the night after she had gotten some of her memories back. She could sense how he was almost drunk on comfort, happiness, _love_.

She’d seen last night how much he’d missed her, seen his love in all his actions. Even when they’d tired one another out and she’d fallen asleep in his arms, his hold on her was nothing if not protective. Rey had wondered, in the few minutes before she’d succumbed to the draw of sleep, if she had made the wrong decision, if she should’ve waited until the chance that she had all her memories back.  That thought had quickly been tossed out when Kylo had given her a faint kiss against her neck, seemingly in silent consolation for the mark he’d left earlier.

Before, with no memories, Rey had been unsure of how to continue, worried that she would somehow destroy or ruin what they had built before; she had wanted preserve what they’d cultivated, _respect_ it.

Now, with most of life experience back with her, she realized exactly what they had. It was _hers_ , she was allowed to enjoy herself as much as she wanted to, allowed to kiss, fuck, hold him. Hell, he was more than willing to do those things before the thought had even occurred to her. She _liked_ Kylo, she’d realized, maybe even something else, and he was head over heels in love with her, and she’d wanted to; there had been no reason _not_ to let herself see the extent of it all. Rey was his girlfriend and she wasn’t going to pretend that it was anything else.

Rey admired his shoulders in the golden light, humming as he kissed a line across her back; she was glad that she’d finally gotten him out of his shirt and everything else for that matter. The feeling of being skin-to-skin to someone, to him in particular, was a sensation she missed, one she had gotten to indulge in the afternoon before. As for where his kisses were leading to, she knew that they didn’t have time for it based on the clock on the bedside table.  

Kylo seemed to remember this fact as well and groaned when Rey shifted to her side, peering up at him.

“I should’ve let you sleep in,” he muttered, leaning down to kiss her. His hand trailed a path up her bare side, finding a resting spot on her breast. She hummed and returned the kiss but only allowed herself to cradle his face in her hands before quietly breaking the kiss.

“I’ve barely enough time to shower as it is,” she countered, watching as Kylo’s gaze fell to her lips again. “And I can’t afford any distractions while I do.”

He made an expression that was the closest to a pout that she’d ever seen him make and Rey let out a soft laugh, running her thumbs along the sides of his face.

“You poor thing.”

-

Rey’s flight to Prague went as well as expected, with her struggling to get any real rest in her seat and messing with her phone despite trying to preserve its battery. Luckily, she’d found a portable charger in Kylo’s apartment and stashed it away with her things, ensuring that she’d have enough to get around.

During the nine-hour flight back to the ‘east,’ she let herself think back to the man she was leaving and what waited for her back home. Rey pulled up some of their past conversations and found herself smiling despite the snoring of the woman seated to her left.

 **[Rey]** New York sucks

 **[Kylo]** Are you talking about the state or the city

 **[Rey]** Both

 **[Kylo]** The city’s alright

 **[Rey]** You’ve got to agree that my apartment has a better view. :)

 **[Kylo]** What about the crime

 **[Rey]** NYC has plenty of crime too..

 **[Kylo]** You’re just jealous

 **[Rey]** Of all those tall buildings and no way to see nature? No.

 **[Kylo]** That I’m not with you

 **[Rey]** I’m not jealous of a city, you ass.

 **[Kylo]** I think so

 **[Rey]** Am not.

 **[Rey]** :|

 **[Rey]** Fine.

 **[Rey]** Maybe!

 **[Rey]** Stop ignoring me!!

 **[Rey]** You should really move back here because Hux always slams his door when he gets back and I just want to forget that he exists.

 **[Kylo]** You can always call me, you know

 **[Rey]** Every time I call you from my flat, you make it dirty.

 **[Kylo]** So ?

 **[Rey]** I’ll be home in a couple of hours you perv.

After disembarking she exchanged several hundred euros to Czech crowns before finding her way to where the bus to the main part of the city was located; she’d taken the same path a few times before. Although it had been a few years, the bus still came as expected and she hopped on, listening to the various languages around her. Most foreigners who had no idea what they were doing would have taken taxis and so she was left with Czechs who were returning and foreigners trying to decipher the language around them.

Exiting the bus at the stop that connected with the metro, she overheard an older woman speaking Czech with a heavy Russian accent. Rey pretended to ignore the glares the woman received from some of the Czechs around her and adjusted the bag over her shoulder, heading down into the metro.

Going down the extraneously long escalators, Rey recalled that the soviets had been the one to do major work on the infrastructure, causing an age-old discomfort to return to her. While she had been born in Russia, was ostensibly a Russian, she hardly felt that she had any claim to identifying as such. She hadn’t learned any classic cultural songs, only knew a few ‘Russian’ traditions, and didn’t understand the plight of the Russian people when the Soviets had gained power; she didn’t belong to anywhere except the mountains.

At the bottom of the escalator she forced herself to buy a pass and punched it before boarding one of the metro cars at the Zličín stop, trying to combat the tiredness pulling at her mind. She just needed to get to Náměstí Republiky and from there she would be able to get a train to Úvaly. If anything had changed with the trains since she’d last been, she knew that if nothing else, she could take a bus to get there as well.

Luke had purchased a discrete house in the small village, located about fourty-five minutes out of Prague if one was lucky with traffic, often shorter by public transportation. She had no idea if he was still there and he had disliked phone calls for as long as the technology had been around. The man’s existence was much of a mystery to her, and last time she had seen him, she had wondered if he looked older or if her mind was playing tricks on her. Either way, she hadn’t gotten any answers about his soul mate or possible lack thereof.

While she would have enjoyed to have more of a chance to sight-see of the old city, her trip throughout it mostly consisted of watching the walls of the underground pass by before she arrived at the stop of the local train station.

Boarding the train to Úvaly, Rey selected a seat across from an elderly woman before glancing down at her phone. She’d always had international calling and although it wasn’t always used since she had moved to the US, at that moment she was plenty grateful that she didn’t have to mess with a sim card. The entire arrangement made it easier for her to text Kylo that she had landed safely and was on her way to get the weapon.

In terms of returning it to the US, Rey was less pleased with that part of the plan that she’d gone over with Kylo. Shipping from Prague and the Czech Republic in general was often slower than elsewhere in Europe and so Rey would ship the weapon from another country. She planned on taking a train from Prague to Paris, and then from Paris to London where she would send off the blade. From there, she would fly back to the US and hopefully back to Kylo.

The entire situation in terms of meeting back up with her soulmate was dependent on how long Snoke wanted the hitman in Chicago. Rey wasn’t averse to heading back to the Windy City, but she knew that if Snoke caught news of her being there, that it had the possibility to be even worse for Kylo.

Sitting in the train car on her way to the small village, she reconsidered if going back to Chicago was a viable plan. She knew that if Snoke spotted her there, sent Kylo after her and the apprentice failed again, then there was a good chance that he might be summoned for an audience with Snoke.

While she didn’t want to be cause Kylo pain, she knew that it might be a method of getting him where he needed to be, or at the very least, getting the both of them Snoke’s location. Rey had mentioned the plan to Kylo and he’d agreed that it could work, but that there was nothing to do until they were sure that the blade was actually in their possession. Idea not entirely disregarded, she held onto the plan until she knew otherwise.  

While she watched the repetitive plant life and landscape pass by her window, Rey tried to let herself relax. She planned on trying to get some sleep in Luke’s cabin, the key to which she had found in her purse before leaving. As it was, she tried to let herself enjoy the familiarity of everything, letting her ears relax to the sound of Czech as the train ticked off the stops.

She departed the train once it reached her station, walking with the duffle bag against her back through the small village. Although the sun was shining through the trees and it was only early evening, everything in her screamed for her to go back to the train and sit, to relax, to sleep. Jetlag was hell, she remembered.

Rey regretted not picking up a pair of sunglasses as she made her way down the unpaved street, squinting against the sunlight directly in her eyes. The heat was often more manageable than it often was in the US, but in more recent years she remembered the temperature spiking, even going up to 30°C for multiple days at a time, temperatures unheard of even in Prague.

She found that although she was far away from the life she had been trying to recover, from the man she’d grown attached to, being on her own had its plusses. The familiar sensation of trekking her way to a destination with nothing else but her gut and a map to guide her was a source of comfort even if the weather wasn’t. To have her proper strength back, to not have to even think about the possibility of being injured, it all was a pleasant return to normalcy.

The destination in question was tucked in the corner of the small village, nestled amongst proper houses and other small places that acted as a type of get away. Although Úvaly wasn’t as far away as Kolín, Rey could see why Luke had chosen to settle there at one point. The house was simple and quaint, just enough for one or two people to stay for a few weeks or as a stopping point. The interior was decently decorated and there was a place for a garden, although there was nothing growing. There was also a garage, although its door was closed and she couldn’t make a clear assessment if the house was actually in use.

Unlocking the front gate, Rey found that the yard still appeared to be tended and in order, giving her hope that the older man had at least visited recently. Whenever they met, it always gave her perspective, although she wasn’t sure what he could offer her now that she was with Kylo.

The fact that Luke mostly likely already knew about her and his nephew made her stop at the front door, faced with the image of herself in the reflection of the glass door. What were they even going to talk about when they met? Well, she was going to kill an immortal who had no soulmate and there was her amnesia to explain.

Sighing, she tried the door without the key and found it locked. Hopes deflated, Rey pulled out the house key and opened the front door, peering around as she stepped inside.

The place looked pristine and undisturbed, causing her to wonder exactly how long-ago Luke had been living here. A worrying thought popped up and she locked the door behind her as she tried to push it away. The blade _had_ to be there, even if Luke wasn’t.

Rey set her bag down in the small hallway and stepped into the cozy guest bedroom, gaze passing over the small bed that she’d stayed in a few times before. She pushed through the memories that it conjured up and went to the small set of drawers across from the cot.  

She opened the bottom drawer and let out a sigh of relief as she saw the clothes were in the same position as she’d left them. Rey pushed away the pyjama bottoms and saw the outline of the knife wrapped in a thin blanket, her heart pounding as everything seemed to be falling into place. She picked it up and removed the covering, giving a sigh of relief as the familiar blade reflected the ambient light.

Maybe they had hope after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you were interested in a map of the Prague metro (underground) system: http://metropraha.eu/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/Mapa-metra-Praha.gif 
> 
> Some songs I listened to while writing:  
> Barns Courtney - Fire  
> Halsey - Empty Gold  
> Daughter - "Get Lucky" (Daft Punk cover)  
> Lorde – Sober  
> SEREBRO – Между нами любовь (Between us is love) (if you want the lyrics translated just let me know!! But the idea is like… love… and it’s positive…)  
> [Also I have no idea if anyone actually listens to these... but if so, I hope that you enjoy!]


	14. Passing Through

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe she still wasn’t herself, maybe she was. Maybe she’d become something new altogether.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ho boy this chapter did not come easily but I think that's just because I've been tired and all that. I'm posting it before I visit Chicago on a day trip and sight-see some of the places in the fic. :)

Rey made sure that the blinds were properly closed and that the front door was locked before she finally let herself settle into the small cot. The bed had been made when she had arrived, all it needed as for someone to enjoy it. Well, she thought, as much as one could, anyway.

Luke had a habit of furnishing his house in the least comfortable manner, she had discovered years prior, although he claimed that he did nothing of the sort. All his furniture ended up being of poorer quality than he thought it was, with it not being a surprise to hear pieces creak and crack when used. While Rey was used to far worse sleeping conditions, she knew enough that his couch and beds were far from what most people would think acceptable; she was sure that her prince charming would deign it all unacceptable.

While she never outright complained about it all, she did make small comments throughout her visits, mentioning how his chairs could use a cushion or two. Her opinions were heard out but ultimately dismissed, as her pseudo-mentor seemed far too attached to his furniture to make a change.

Despite the fact that Rey had slipped into her pyjamas and had her phone charging as she lay in bed, her thoughts wandered back to Kylo.

While he hadn’t taken her to the airport, he had wished her farewell at the front of the apartment and had waited with her for the taxi. He seemed to lurk about her and was unwilling to say anything until she’d prompted him, giving the sweetest look she could just to draw him out. Rey rolled her eyes at the mere memory of how detached he had tried to be, and how he’d given up the act when she’d leaned up to give him a parting kiss. He never could seem to decide on exactly who he was trying to be in public, settling for being withdrawn and generally moody; it worked well enough.

Despite how well everything was going, she shifted from her side onto her elbows and grabbed her phone, dialing his number. There was a long pause before he picked up and she settled onto her back, staring up at the ceiling.

“Is everything alright?” Kylo asked without prompting.

“Yeah, I’m at Luke’s place right now. If he _is_ still living here, he hadn’t been around since I’ve arrived.”

“It’s, what, almost eleven am there?”

Rey closed her eyes and focused on his voice. He sounded tired.

“Why are you still awake, Kylo?” Her train of thought chugged along, trying to understand what she was looking for. “I’m too tired to figure out what time it is over there but it sure as hell is late.” When she heard him take in a breath and prepare to come up with an excuse, she butted in. “Go to sleep.”

The man on the other end let out a loud sigh and she heard him moving about.

“I hope you’re going to the bed,” she added, rolling onto her side and curling up under her blanket.

“I’m capable of managing my own sleep schedule.”

She ignored his protests and instead tried to get at how he’d been avoiding sleep so far. “What’ve you even been doing?”

“Looking at pictures of you.” There was an awkward pause. “I mean, memes.” Rey snorted and Kylo was forced to clarify. “I found the new picture they posted of you; I’ve been watching where its spread to.”

She yawned. “Sounds fascinating.”

There was a pause as there was more moving about on his end before he spoke up, sounding slightly more focused.

“I assume the blade’s there, even if Luke isn’t?”

“Oh,” she blinked and looked over to the dresser where she’d stowed the weapon. “Yeah, it’s here.”

“Then it’ll be a few days before you ship it over?”

“Mm, I’ll spend the night here and ship it in London tomorrow? If I’m lucky with the trains.”

“You sound like you’re in a rush.” His voice had the slightest edge to it, and for good enough reason, but she couldn’t make herself care at that moment, too comfortable and tired to commit to changing his mood.

“I’m not going to get much done if I’m half dead, and a couple of days won’t make a different.” Rey tried to let her muscles relax, listening to him continue to shift about on his end. “I need to sleep.”

“Go on, I’ll pass out soon enough.”

“You better.”

Rey, despite sleep beckoning her with every breath she took, struggled with what she was supposed to say. They hung up after an admittedly long awkward pause, neither of them really sure what to say other than ‘goodbye’ or ‘sleep well.’ Kylo had been willing enough to say that he loved her earlier, and still seemed mildly comfortable with the declaration, although she suspected that was only because she had returned it at one time.

She wasn’t about to express such feelings, unsure if they even existed within her. Sure, she cared about him and had plenty of feelings about him, but she wasn’t sure if it was a love like she had seen in his eyes. Maybe she was just letting her old fears fester, she half-heartedly mused after their farewells.

Luckily, she wasn’t forced to struggle for the words for too long, Kylo attributing it all to jetlag as he let her go and the line went dead.

Phone charging once more and wrapped up in comfortable blankets, Rey let sleep overtake her.

-

When Rey awoke she immediately blinked in suprise, noticing the light streaming into the bedroom. The fatigue she felt and the slight ache in her bones told her that she didn’t sleep through the day, and so she was left with the assumption that she had been woken up by something. Her suspicions were confirmed as she heard moving about in what she assumed was the kitchen; Luke was back.

Rey groaned to herself, exhaustion insisting that she get back into bed and make a nest amongst the blankets. Despite it all, she stood and stretched, blearily looking at the time on her phone only to find that she had been out for two hours.

The sound of kitchen utensils scraping across metal as well as ceramic came from the direction of the small living area, and the smell of beet soup filled the air.

Of course, Luke, upon seeing that she had come to visit, had apparently gone forward with the plan to make her a traditional Russian soup. She shook her head softly at the entrance of the bedroom, always surprised at his acts of kindness.  

Rey padded into the hallway, one arm around herself as she continued her way to the kitchen and sat at the small table. Luke was just as she had left him, grey hair and beard with a prosthetic left hand. She often found herself wondering how he managed to remain so under the radar with such a disability, but then again, he was bound to have connections that she didn’t have, tricks up his sleeve. She wondered how much she had talked to Kylo about him before.

“Good evening,” he greeted her, turning around and giving her a small nod. “I assume your flight went well?”

It wasn’t unusual for Rey to crash at his place or track him down one way or another, although she wondered how he might fair when she talked about taking the blade; he always seemed a bit attached to it.

“Well enough.” She hid a yawn behind her hand and looked at the familiar decorations about the small room, glancing back at the cozy living area. “But there’re some things that I need to catch you up on, from the last time that we spoke.”

Luke paused stirring his soup and met her gaze.

“I’ve got amnesia,” Rey frowned at herself and tried to clarify. “I remember some things, but not the past year and a half.”

He returned the frown although his features appeared far less stressed than she felt, and he gave a small nod.

“I’m almost done with this, perhaps over the meal you could fill me in?”

She returned the nod and slowly stood to set the table.  

“That could work.”

-

 Rey sat across from Luke as they ate, her trying to work in all the details that she knew he might want. She explained how she had woken up in Chicago, eventually found Kylo, and how she had gained most of her memories back. She avoided talking about their trip to Jersey, instead substituting a vague answer for how it all occurred. She watched his expression when she mentioned his nephew, unsure of exactly what she had told him, back when she wasn’t an amnesiac

While she wasn’t one for keeping secrets from those she cared about, Rey knew that Kylo most likely resented the mere fact that his uncle _knew_ anything about him. Although she didn’t think that she would outright lie for her soulmate, she suspected that she had first danced around the truth with Luke. As it was, she would do as she pleased in terms of informing the man in front of her. The older immortal, however, seemed unsurprised by the development between her and Kylo, clarifying that she had informed him before she lost her memory.

 Based on his tone and how he went about the topic, Rey surmised that Luke was less surprised by the development and more so at the fact that she willingly brought it up again, leading her to believe that she had been less eager to talk about it all before. She tried not to dwell on it too much, trying not to guess what parts of her were still missing and what parts of her she had formed in the absence of a personal history.

Maybe she still wasn’t herself, maybe she was. Maybe she’d become something new altogether.

-

The next day, when Rey forced herself to get out of bed at the ungodly hour of eight am, she found her hatred of time zones renewed. While they made sense principle, changing your sleeping schedule in the matter of a couple of days was near impossible and had failed.

Blade carefully packed amongst her clothes and all her belongings with her, it was another time that she was forced to say goodbye to Luke after they shared a light breakfast. She had the consolation that they had spent the evening before, despite her being exhausted and unclear with most details, catching up and trying to think on their plan.

She’d asked Luke if he thought that they could get it done, or if he was considering offering his help to them if he thought that they couldn’t. In the end, he said that he’d left everything alone for a reason, that things, if they were going to change, weren’t going to be by his hand. He clarified that the pun wasn’t intended.

Instead of getting any real answers, as much as her questions nagged at the back of her mind, Rey was unable to get anything out of her pseudo-mentor other than what he wanted to share. While kind and inspirational, he had made the life he had for a reason and she was forced to respect that, whether or not she believed it was what he should do.

Part of Rey resented his unwillingness, possibly his inability, to help. The fact that he had avoided other immortals for so long, had given up hope on them changing. Maybe it was Kylo that had made him believe that, the way he had turned on his family and set an example of what immortals could be. No matter the cause, she wished more than anything that they weren’t alone, that it wasn’t just the two of them against a god.

Annoyance followed her on the train ride back to the main city, continuing to cling of her mind as she purchased a train ticket to Paris.

The train from Prague to Paris gave her time to sit and think, despite the fact that she had to transfer in München. The process of transferring wasn’t terribly complicated, as Rey knew enough German to get around, but after six hours in the train, she was hardly in the mood to use her critical thinking skills. She found her train on time, and did so again in Stuttgart before she was finally on the last leg of her journey to Paris.

The entire situation was more than she wanted, more than she had ever hoped for. Learning about Snoke, what was essentially his empire, it had all sickened her. Immortals giving over their lives just for safety and comfort? She had grown up with neither of those things and had made it out alive, found love, created a small community; she knew that life was possible without Snoke.

Rey thought back when she had first met Kylo in Chicago, those first days when he attempted to explain everything to her, when he had touched on the subject of technology. Maybe that was what made Snoke powerful, with everyone being pushed into corners, he offered a solution, even if it didn’t include freedom.

The journey, all in all, ended up taking thirteen hours, from the time her first train left to when she stepped off the third one in Paris. Next was London.

Despite the time of day, or rather night as it was ten in the evening, Rey picked up a train the next hour, loitering around the station until she could board. The ride itself was unremarkable, as she’d taken it several times before and the novelty was long lost on her. Instead of focusing on everything that was happening outside of the train and how it was occurring, she let herself relax and consider her next moves.

Arriving in the city so late, she opted for a hotel, proceeding to fall asleep half-dressed and half under the duvet in her overpriced room.

While Rey slept, she was plagued by bit and pieces of memories from her long life; she recognized faces of people whose names she no longer remembered, all the while feeling like she was just about to be pulled under. Under what, she wasn’t exactly sure of, just that something had a grip on her and she was going to lose, she was going to die.  

Nightmares of that sort weren’t new to her, although she had gotten through what she considered the worst of them ages ago. She’d become desensitized to killing and violence, although she had to admit that blood and gore occasionally still had its effect on her. While she had seen glimpses of war, she hadn’t seen anything close to what she had hints that Kylo had seen; she had been lucky that way.

In the morning, she blearily double-checked that the blade was in her bag before heading out and finding a post office, hair in a messy bun. Rey didn’t care that she was a mess, that she hadn’t bothered with makeup, that her accent wobbled a bit in certain places, she simply went to the building and proceeded to do what she needed to.

Packing it proved to be a more awkward endeavor than she imagined, although she tried to cushion it and wrap it as well as she could within the cardboard box. When the works at the counter, who watched the entire process with curious looks, gave her another one of those looks, she just shrugged.

“It’s a gift to a family friend, she’s a collector.” She added a small smile and an innocent shrug. Her job was done.

-

Rey called Kylo after the blade was sent and she returned to her hotel room, figuring out exactly which flight she would take back. Her thoughts were muddled, jet lag still very real and in the back of her mind. She could hardly believe that she had been in New York only two days ago, ignorant of her life less than a week ago, that she had no idea who she was almost half a month ago.

She bought the ticket back to Chicago despite the outrageous price, sighing as she saw that she’d have to transfer in Austria. At least, she consoled herself, she’d have nine hours between there and Chicago, and then she could call Kylo when she arrived.

Rey texted him the plans, lying amongst the pillows as he filled her in on what he’d been doing.

He’d completed two jobs already and she pretended that it meant something else, focusing on the fact that he’d cleared Poe’s shop when he had reported to Snoke.

**[Rey]** Are we going to stay in Chicago even after the blade arrives there?

**[Kylo]** If you want, for a couple of days

**[Rey]** I have my laptop with me and everything else. Plus we have the apartment.

**[Rey]** I’ve gotten by with less.

**[Kylo]** We shouldn’t stay too long

**[Kylo]** If I get called in, it’ll look suspicious if I stop in New York to pick up the blade

**[Rey]** I just want to say hi to Finn and Poe and we can go back.

**[Kylo]** Less time around Hux, at least

**[Rey]** Do you think that I’ll ever meet Phasma?

**[Kylo]** Why would you want to

**[Rey]** I’ve never even seen her. I’ve only ever heard about her from you...

**[Kylo]** You don’t want to get too close to Hux and Phasma

**[Rey]** Are they dangerous? Hux seems set on protecting us at least.

**[Kylo]** Phasma isn’t happy with how everything is turning out

**[Kylo]** She hasn’t been for a while

**[Rey]** ?

**[Kylo]** She thinks that you’re a distraction from Snoke

Rey worried her lip between her teeth and looked around her hotel room, considering how much she must’ve derailed Snoke’s plans for Kylo. While Kylo was still working for the monster at the helm of it all, still doing killings and acting like a good pet, he certainly was distracted.

**[Rey]** She’s not wrong.

-

 On the flight to Chicago, Rey couldn’t help but think about their next steps and how much Snoke might already suspect that she was involved. If she and Kylo had ostensibly been together for a year and a half, then after hundreds of years, surely Snoke had noticed a change in Kylo’s behavior. Then again, she had never been in presence of Kylo’s master, never seen how they acted around one another; maybe Kylo was a decent actor.

Rey _had_ seen how Kylo could change who he was seemingly on a whim, although it never seemed to be a pleasant experience. More often than not, it seemed like he was working to hide everything he was feeling, suffocating until he just welcomed the cynicism that the world had to offer. The few times that she’d heard him on the phone with Snoke, she had seen that change in his expression, his posture, the other side of him that still and would always exist.  

She tugged the window cover close and tried to get some sleep, squished up against the wall of the plane with two noisy neighbors to her left. In the end, Rey failed and resorted to playing a few games of chess on the screen in the back of the seat in front of her, failing miserably every time.

Touching down in Chicago was more of a pain than a relief, she decided as she went through security, glad that she had brought her English passport and ID’s. She was still a bit of a mess of nerves and exhaustion, and she would do anything to avoid doing more work. Although she’d gone through multiple generations of slang and adapting to how people spoke, gotten better at picking up on errors she had made in the past, English certainly wasn’t her native language. The language she had mastered in various accents didn’t flow from her lips as easily as Russian did, she didn’t have an innate connection with it.

Despite this relationship with the language, many of her recent memories were dominated by it, choked full to the point where any other language memories were slowly fading away. Rey wasn’t sure if she was supposed to be proud of the accomplishment of mastering a language or sad that so many of her memories of others would be completely gone one day.

-

After calling Kylo and arranging to meet up for dinner at Russian Tea Time downtown, she first took the fourty-minute L ride to Poe’s shop. The ride over was easy enough as she rested her duffle bag in her lap, quietly staring at her dwindling phone battery in an attempt to avoid taking a nap. Stepping off at her stop and making her way down the few blocks to the shop, Rey tried to soak in the midday light, attempting to ignore the heat as it beat down. How anyone could live in such heat year-round baffled her, as the summers in the mountains has been bad enough. There was a reason she had stuck to the north east of the country, where the winters reigned.

Considerations about global warming and how American was fucking itself over with its politics left Rey’s mind as she stepped into Poe’s shop. He was situated in the entrance slash waiting area and greeted her with a warm smile and hug, giving her a one-over. The went in his office before she caught him up with her travels.

She sat in a seat across from his desk and tried to explain that she and Kylo were one step closer to being free, to getting rid of the monster in their lives. Rey also asked about Kylo’s visit, finding that he had been decent enough and even asked about the time she had spent with him.

“I’m really glad that it worked out between the two of you,” Poe mentioned as he leaned back in his chair.

“What do you mean?”

“He didn’t seem that… _compassionate_ when he came to get you, and well, Finn told me about the fights you two had been having.”

“That feels like it was ages ago, but we’ve slowly worked things out now, gotten to a place where we care about each other again.” She gave him a grateful smile, mind wandering to her plans for later that evening before returning to the present. Getting through her thoughts, explaining how her mental state had changed since regaining part of her memories, it all felt like slogging through mud, like nothing was working right. “I’m glad that you two were there for me when it started but since getting almost everything back it’s… it’s hard to describe. My mind doesn’t know where to put those memories, you know? It puts them almost behind everything else, behind Russia, behind Paris, behind _everything_.”

Poe nodded and leaned forward, expression serious as he worked to process all the information that she offered. He gave her a serious look.

“And are you doing okay with it all?”

“I think so. We’ve got a plan and I’m… I’m happy that I’m with Kylo.” Rey glanced down at the strap of her bag for a brief second before meeting his gaze once more. “How’s BB8?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to say thank you to everyone so far who's given this fic kudos, commented, or simply read it and enjoyed. Honestly every little thing keeps me motivated to keep working, especially when I hit roadblocks or realize that I need to actually plan what's going to happen next.
> 
> In case you're wondering, I honestly don't have an exact chapter number that's left but we're more than halfway done. Don't fret, though, because I'm toying around with the idea of writing a prequel to this! Before that would get started, however, I've already started to plan for the next project with the working title of Ghosts. It's reylo of course and it'll be another au, maybe you can guess what it'll be about. 
> 
> Again, I really appreciate everyone's continued support as I work to make sure that this story gets the ending that it deserves.


	15. Водка

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whatever his motivation, they did have time to kill waiting for the blade, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Considering how often I usually update, this has been a longer break, hasn't it? Life has been busy and I've been trying to force myself to sit down and write, so here we go!

Rey managed to meet with Finn back at the couple’s apartment, sitting around with Poe before the younger man returned back from classes. She and Poe went over some of what Europe was like, her detailing some of her favorite food before he made a face and considered it too bland. She just laughed and shrugged, conceding that meat and potatoes wasn’t for everyone. When Finn did arrive, she rushed in for a hug once he spotted her. She quickly caught him up with what she’d been up to, travelling and all that, and that she would be in Chicago for a bit longer.

“Everything’s going well, I take it?” he asked, tone light as they moved to the livening room.

She gave them general details about their plan, that she had gotten an artifact that she’d needed from Europe, hence the trip, and it was an important detail for their success. When they pressed for details, she frowned and ran a hand through her hair, considering how much information to divulge. There were countless details and pieces of information to put into perspective. Of all of the details of her past life, the fact that she wasn’t a stranger to killing was a fact she was unsure how to proceed with. Although all of those times it had been to ensure her safety, she had become somewhat confident at it; she no longer worried what would happen if she was caught unawares.

Rey ending up easing Finn and Poe into the entire situation by detailing some of the crimes that she knew Snoke had committed, kidnapping, extortion, torture, murder, etc. After laying the groundwork of what the man did, she explained that the immortal wouldn’t die anytime soon and was isolated; he wasn’t about to encounter anything dangerous in his daily life.

It too her longer than she would care to admit, but she did eventually explain that Snoke’s death was necessary, that she and Kylo would be the ones to carry it out.

She was surprised by her friends’ reactions, at how easily they understood the justification behind her answer to the problem. Maybe she had blown it out of proportion to herself, made it seem like ‘normal’ people would never understand, but the look in her friends’ eyes told another story. They understood the situation, understood that a man like Snoke needed to be taken out of power, through any means necessary. The circumstances surrounding his power made any other solution impossible, Poe sympathized. There was no ‘peaceful’ or ‘nonviolent’ way to take out _whatever_ Snoke was; he deserved what he had coming.

-

Kylo was a mess when he was drunk. Rey, only slightly less shit-faced than he was, seemed to be doing a far better job at keeping it together than the mess that was her soulmate. Considering that she was drunk in addition to jet-lagged and generally exhausted, she was proud at how well she had been able to keep it together so far.

It had all started when Kylo goaded her about Russian vodka, getting them both a shot each after finishing their dinners. Sitting in the corner of Russian Tea Time, she’d rested her hand on her chin and sized him up at his propase. She’d wondered exactly how much he was trying to get her to drink, if they had any interest drinking stories that she would have to draw out of him later. Rey was sure that he would _know_ that she happened to prefer Russian vodka over everything else, just as she was sure that Kylo would know that once she was engaged in a competition and drunk, there was no stopping her. Sitting there sizing him up, she considered the possibility that Kylo was trying to draw that out of her.

Whatever his motivation, they did have time to kill waiting for the blade, after all.

Curiosity got the better of her and Rey succumbed to the temptation and novelty of seeing what type of drunk her soulmate was. She knew from their time in New York that he could get self-destructive, but that was under extreme circumstances.

Instead of them continuing their drinking and fun in the restaurant, she stopped them from ordering more alcohol and instead bought a bottle of vodka

The two had made their way back to the apartment and gave up all pretense of social drinking; the aim had changed to getting drunk and having fun. For the fun part of it, Rey insisted that they watch some mystery investigations, claiming that it would be fun because they could try and guess exactly what happened. Kylo, although he had made it clear on multiple occasions of what he thought of the show, seemed to go along with her suggestion. As she returned from the kitchen with shot glasses, she found that he had claimed the center cushion, clearly primed to be the center of attention.

Rey tucked herself against him, his arm resting on the couch cushion behind her. It struck her at that moment, how much they had developed since she had ‘first’ come to the flat. Any time spent reminiscing, however, was interrupted as Kylo decided that they should take a shot any time the show cut to commercial. She agreed; it would make the evening _interesting_ if nothing else.

To avoid getting as drunk as Kylo would be, she strategically avoided downing shots on several occasions. Rey wasn’t as _large_ as he was, didn’t have the same size liver, and was sure that if they went at the same pace, she would be out of it before him. That wouldn’t do in her opinion, she wanted to have some semblance of coherence as she witnessed his undoing. It was easier the more he had in his system, as he paid less attention to if she was actually drinking _all_ of it or simply going through the actions. She would pretend to drink it all and just not; she was guilty of kissing on more than a few occasions to make sure that he didn’t notice. He’d forgive her in the morning.  

As the evening progressed, she found that Kylo focused less on the shitty show on the television in front of them and instead turned his focus to her. At first it was innocent enough, his arm around her waist, fingers wandering their way along her side as he kept himself busy. Rey, in addition to increasingly heavy petting, found herself enjoying being on the receiving end of various compliments, from her personality to the way that she stood.  

“You always look like you know what you’re doing,” Kylo muttered, face against her neck. In the middle of all of his touches, kisses, and compliments, he’d grabbed her and she’d eagerly sat in his lap, attention half on him and half still on the show; no amount of alcohol would stop her from stubbornly enjoying it. Her soulmate, however, seemed quite aware that _he_ could stop her.

“I think you’re just making things up,” Rey slurred, combing a hand through his hair as. “Trying to get on my good side.”

“All your sides are good.” He left a trail of warm kisses down her neck. She shifted in his lap despite herself, trying valiantly to stop her thoughts from wandering.

“You’re a very, very affectionate, drunk, Kylo.”

If she had to describe him at that moment, it was more than that, he was _touchy_. His hands never stopped wandering, his intentions to apparently to get as much skin-to-skin contact between the two of them as he could.

“Am not.”

She could feel his lips form a frown against her neck, his hand on her hip tightening despite his words. Rey pulled back slightly, giving him a warm smile.

“’s cute; you’re cute.”

He set his jaw and she watched as he gave her a look, his brain quite clearly working on an appropriate response. It seemed to fail and he just continued to give her a displeased look, although it began to fall apart almost as soon as he sported the expression.

Rey wondered how Kylo couldn’t see exactly how he was behaving, how he could just brush off his behavior as nothing. Finally giving up on the investigation playing in the background, she turned her full attention to the way his mood hung in the balance, how ready he seemed to jump to extremes. Despite everything being muddled, her mind supplied a solution. She leaned up and shifted her hands from his sides to his cheeks, nose momentarily brushing against his.

“You’re allowed to be cute, love.”

When they kissed, he tasted like the best of bad choices, like home and new beginnings, like damnation and salvation all in one. Rey wondered if he would describe her the same way.

Kylo’s hands pulled her closer, shifting from a sitting position so that she was lying on her back and he hovered above her. He kissed her until neither of them could breathe, pulling away with a smirk on his face so smug that Rey wanted to kiss it off. She held back, giving a small giggle at the mess that his hair was, how flushed they’d both become, and the fact that he’d only further proven her point.

“Oh god.” She continued to laugh, noticing as he seemed to relax his own expression, unsteady gaze attempting to keep track of her. Kylo was far more of a mess than Rey had ever anticipated, but then again so was she, and she was glad that out of anyone, he was the one she had gotten drunk with. She reached up with a hand and tucked a loose strand of hair behind his ear, keeping her hand against his neck when she was done. “I can see how I fell in love with you.”

The man above her gave a look that she was sure she had seen somewhere, although she couldn’t recall where or when. Kylo looked at her as if she had done something impressive, completed some sort of feat of strength; he seemed to stare at her in awe for several long moments.  

He, despite his previous advances and want to get her out of her clothes, seemed content to respond by kissing her silly. She responded in kind, tugging on his hair and wrapping a leg around his hip as she was pressed into the cushions. When they sloppily parted, couldn’t help but laugh. It was an expression of pure happiness; she wasn’t sure she could be more content anywhere else than in his arms.

“You seem happy,” he managed to get out clearly, shifting as if he was going to use Rey as a pillow.

Of all the times and all the places to do it, the oaf seemed to think that the couch was a suitable place to rest after everything. The television still droned on in the background, although he paid it no mind.

Kylo’s head rested on her chest and she set a hand on his head, snorting as she gently patted him mussed hair.

“I think we’ve had enough,” Rey murmured tiredly.

“Enough what?”

“ _Водка_.” She hummed as his hand slid back under her shirt, skimming along her ribs. Of course he would. She was relieved that if nothing else, he was still competent enough to support his weight, at least partially; Rey was sure that if all of it rested on her, she’d suffocate in no time.

“And if I try and get more?” His voice was low and he seemed to be working very hard not to slur his words.

“I’ll stop you,” she decided confidently. Although they were both incapable of proper critical thinking skills, she sure as hell wasn’t going to back down from a challenge. He said nothing, letting out a groan as he moved about yet again.

She half wondered if he would ever find a comfortable resting spot.

Kylo shifted so that his back was against the couch and they were face-to-face, flush against one another as they lay on their sides. Rey hummed as tiredness washed over her, getting comfortable as he nestled his face against her neck, breath warm and familiar. She set her chin on the top of his head and closed her eyes, wrapping her around his neck and shoulder the best that she could. He let out a hum and any tension left in his shoulders dissipated, one of his arms sliding around her waist, hand resting against the skin of the small of her back. It was a position that she could very much get used to.  

Wrapped up in one another and comfort of their shared warmth, Rey felt herself on the precipice of sleep.

“Goodnight, Ben.”

-

The morning after, despite the pounding headache and incessantly dry mouth, Rey was pestered by a nagging thought: was it Ben or Kylo? She tried to think back to what he had told her before, that Kylo was what he’d become and that Ben was a more intimate term of endearment between them. It was something else, too, wasn’t it? A way to put distance between her soulmate and his master, the monster that had made its way into his entire life, Snoke.

The older name was less of a reminder of who he _used_ to be, but more of an inspiration as to what he _could_ be.

Rey began using the shorter name at every available opportunity, met with soft yet confused expressions from her soulmate. At first he seemed unsure at the sudden change but over the week that they waited for the blade, he seemed to warm back up to the way she used it.

When the blade finally did arrive in Chicago, Rey returned from the PO box they had shipped it to, happily holding the box above her head as she returned to the apartment. Ben, content on the couch, just eyed her when she returned. After examining the weapon to ensure that it was the one she had sent, they stored the box in their bedroom.

Spending more time in Chicago gave them the chance to review their finances, Rey checking on her various saving accounts as Ben did the same. He’d long ago started up other accounts across the globe where he’d been collecting money, so he had a comfortable amount to rely on when they would finally be free. Accessing her own and comparing to him his, she saw that their values were nearly the same, although he’d saved up slightly more.

“Funny,” she smirked as they compared the two accounts, “I never pegged you as a gold digger.”

-

Rey and Ben stayed in Chicago for two weeks before their conversations turned to moving back to New York. They’d have to mail the blade back, but it wouldn’t be that much of an issue as long as he wasn’t called in by Snoke. They debated moving for a few days and ultimately settled on leaving at the end of the week and sending the blade off the same day.

During their time living in the flat, she worked to ignore the daily sound of Hux returning to his place, his front door slamming predictably sometime after seven pm. Rey encouraged them to go out, going to tourist places even they hadn’t touched, such as Willis Tower and the field museums. On the Wednesday before they left, they opted to visit the city’s large aquarium.

Wandering around the Shedd Aquarium she toted Ben around, pointing out creatures she had only read about and seen on the internet. In all her time in the US and Chicago, she hadn’t visited that aquarium and found that it was well worth her time, snapping pictures of fish that were more out-of-this-world than she had ever imagined. Her date apparently had already visited the location and seemed less impressed by the sea creatures, but seemed distracted enough by Rey to complain. Even if the wonder of the fish didn’t impress him, she noticed how he lingered by the informational plaques posted about; clearly, he found something else to be interested in.

The highlight of the visit for Rey was when they passed through the large tank the aquarium had set up so that visitors could walk through it via a tunnel. At first, she was engrossed with the perspective that the shape of the tank offered, barely restraining herself from touching the glass like a child. She watched as a young nurse shark swam above them and quickly snapped a picture before she turned back and nearly laughed at Ben. Unlike the spacious parts of the aquarium, in the limited space of the tunnel, he appeared too tall for it all, able to look up and almost be face-to-face with the glass.

“Have a nice view?” she teased, as she looked back at him.

He sported a smug smirk and his gaze landed squarely on her ass. “I certainly do.”

“Oh shut _up_.” She elbowed him in the side, grabbing his hand soon after and leading them to the next exhibit.

When they finally left the building, exiting through the grand columns later in the evening, she groaned as she noticed storm clouds rolling in. While she enjoyed listening to the sound of rain and thunder when she was comfortably inside, they had made plans to walk by the lake later in the evening.

“Might clear up by the time we go out,” Ben suggested.

Rey shrugged and they made their way back to his car, her gaze trained on the approaching storm.

Later, back at their place, when she heard the crack of thunder, the reality of harsh of a storm it was going to be was made clear. She checked the local reports for the weather and sighed as the reports gauged that it would continue until early morning, the rain part of it at least.

Their evening turned out to be a typical one, part of the rhythm that they had developed over the last couple of weeks. She sat next to Ben, the two of them engaged with their respective laptops; Rey edited her pictures and he was engrossed in one of his many books. She’d glance over occasionally and attempt to guess what it was about, but most of it was irrelevant to her own interest and quickly returned to her pictures. She cropped some of the pictures that she had captured earlier, even applied filters as she considered continuing her past trend of submitting pieces of work to galleries. Who knew how long it would be until Snoke, anyway?

They spent the rest of the evening relaxing together, eating leftovers from the night before and then relaxing together as Rey watched one of her shitty crime shows.

“You’re a monster,” Ben muttered as Rey disturbed the quiet he had cultivated, turning the television even as he sat at his laptop. She was glad that he hadn’t, at least, commented on how she’d chowed down during dinner.

“You didn’t seem to upset about that the other night.” She shifted so that she could use his arm as a pillow, ignoring his computer. “Besides, you have the rest of your life to finish that book.”

“It’s an online rental.”

“As if we’re strapped for cash. Just pirate it.”

Her pillow sighed and continued to read, grudgingly letting her hold his left hand.

There was no slamming of the door from the floor above them, Rey noticed as it neared midnight and they began to think about turning in. It wasn’t until one thirty that they made it to bed, freshly showered and drowsy.

Rey acted much like the big spoon, in the mood for holding him rather than being held. They shifted about, her lying with Ben’s face pressed against her chest, his arms around her waist. Their time in Chicago had been one of a strange calm; a sense of normalcy had developed that she hadn’t felt in a long while.

She had been on her own for so long, was so used to moving on at the first sign of attachment, that she had never previously allowed herself to get too engrossed in a relationship. As it was, she and Ben had been spending the past weeks enjoying one another’s company, trying to keep busy, getting to know one another again. It was enjoyable, even when at times there seemed to be nothing to do to kill time. Maybe that was what love was.

-

Rey was awakened by the sound of Ben’s phone vibrating on the bedside table, lighting up with a harsh, blue light. Her partner seemed to have woken up a split second before her, already reaching over for it as she groggily tried to piece together what he was saying. It was clearly Hux from the way he spoke to him, and it wasn’t good.

Ben’s expressions transformed from anger to something else, one of what? Disbelief? While didn’t immediately _look_ it, but Rey would sense a surge of panic rising up in him, a beginning to dominate his thoughts. He looked through her, not seeming to believe what he’d just been told.

When he spoke, his tone was matter-of-fact, threatening to spill into something else entirely. What exactly that was, she wasn’t sure she wanted to find out.

“Snoke knows that you’re here, with me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [I've also sort of started another fic... so... if you're interested, here it is http://archiveofourown.org/works/11431410/chapters/25614093 )
> 
> Front of the aquarium: http://www.freetoursbyfoot.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/Chicago-Shedd-Aquarium-c-300x200.jpg  
> Water tunnel thing: http://famouswonders.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Shedd-Aquarium.jpg  
> Some pictures I took in Chicago that relate to this fic: http://kyloheyo.tumblr.com/post/162655337458/how-was-chicago
> 
> Music that you might relate to this fic in general? Or just inspired me? Here you go!  
> Night Vision - Transviolet  
> Like Lovers Do - Hey Violet  
> Be The One - Dua Lipa  
> Gun In My Hand - Dorothy 
> 
> Next update might be delayed like this one, we'll see. Also, the next project MIGHT get posted sometime soon-ish... so keep an eye out. 
> 
> As always, I love and appreciate everyone's comments and thoughts and they really do help keep me coming back. I'll see you on the flip side c;


	16. One Last Hurrah

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Together?” Rey thought that she heard her voice echo in the quiet space. Ben’s gaze softened before he nodded.  
> “Together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, yes, it's been a bit, but here we go again. These poor kids.

Rey froze, muscles tensing as she remained stretched out across the bed. Her heart dropped into her gut as she managed to get herself sitting up, arm wrapping around her waist.

“We need-” she looked around and tried to think of what she had to do, “we need to get out of here.”

Her gaze landed back on Ben who seemed to still be on the phone and she frowned as his attention had turned back to whoever was on the other end.  

“I know, I know,” he muttered, fingers digging into the sheets. “Listen, you know where he is, right?” There was a brief pause. “Don’t fucking pretend that you don’t, it’s her fault in the first place and you owe me this one.” 

Rey’s brows continued to furrow at the conversation, although she focused on finding something to wear rather than interrupt whatever was going on with Ben and whoever was on the other end. She grabbed some clothes and threw whatever came to her first on, half trying to listen to the conversation.

As far as she guessed, it had to be Hux on the other end, or at least someone else that was close to Ben enough to _warn_ him about incoming danger, but also close enough to Snoke to know where the immortal was. She adjusted the way that her jeans settled on her as she walked into the bedroom, spotting her soulmate still standing angrily on the phone. He had managed to pull some of his clothes from the night before on and it was a step forward, if nothing else.

“Just fucking get me a flight from here to New York and to there from New York or I _will_ find you both and you’ll see exactly how capable I am of doing your job.” Rey approached her soulmate, leaving enough space so that he didn’t feel like he was being boxed. Her hand rested on his forearm and she glanced at his phone. “We’ll be there by six; I’ll be in touch.”

Ben lowered the phone from his ear and she heard Hux’s voice on the other end, distorted and tinny as it came out of the small speaker before. “You could say ‘thank you,’ you know.”

Rey looked up from the phone, meeting his gaze. He was breathing heavily and she wasn’t sure that she was any better off, muscles tense and ready to fight or flee at the slightest agitation. Despite the tension in the air, the severity of their situation, she felt a strange calm spread between the two of them as they remained close.

“What happened?” she asked, voice harsh despite her attempt to keep it measured. Their lives were on the line and she had no idea what he was thinking of doing, what he had agreed to with Hux.  

“Phasma fucking ratted us out.” Rey watched Ben grit his teeth as he pocketed his phone, hands curling into fists. He didn’t look at her, instead focusing his attention on the skyline. “I didn’t think she’d go through with it, but here we are.”

“And you want to go back to New York to get my blade?” She surmised, gently squeezing his arm. They had talked about their next steps, when the situation should arise that they had the chance and were still in the windy city; it’s what they had planned. She took in a deep breath before taking a step away, considering everything that they had gone over. “We’re going after Snoke.”

Her words were less a question and more of statement, looking for confirmation that he was ready. When he gave a slight nod, she returned the gesture, glancing to where their current blade was, tucked away in the closet.

“Make sure you can use this one,” she murmured. Aside from a few moments of practicing handling it, he’d barely touched the thing.

“I’ll be fine.” He moved past her and she watched him go through his things, looking for his clothes and any documents the had laying around.

Rey wasn’t sure how much of this place would be left over after everything. If they didn’t reach Snoke in time, even if they did, there was a chance he might cut payments on the flat, on the place in New York. Chances were that they would just make a run for it after ending his life. From everything that she knew about Snoke, she was sure that he would have some sort of security system, whether that meant he would have men on his property was another factor.

Ben had been to countless properties of Snoke’s, from small cabin in the Rockies to lavish and sprawling estates in France; it all depended on his plans, apparently. What his plans were at the moment, however, were a mystery to both of them. Ben knew enough to persist, to do his jobs, to keep being baited back into Snoke’s grip, but finer details were always kept from him.

“The blade,” Rey called after him, standing in the small hallway between the bedroom and the closet, watching as Ben pawed through their clothes, most of which would soon be abandoned. “How are we getting it to New York, to wherever the fuck Snoke is? You mentioned flights to Hux.”

“Hux is going to get us private flights from here to New York,” he angrily pulled on the rest of his clothing, Rey unnerved by exactly how much raw energy he was exuding. Any of the calm that they had previously shared had already dissipated. The way that he was moving, speaking, standing, was off. Even when they’d confronted one another countless times before, his energy had been different. At the moment, he was tinged with anger, anxiety, and something else.

“Are we doing anything about Phasma?” She ventured, trying not to let his nervous energy get to her.

Ben gave her a look. “Do you really think we have time for that now?”

“I’m not looking to _do_ anything.” Rey gave softened her tone despite her frustration, trying to figure out what they would have to take with them, how much time they had. She didn’t know what to do with herself; she’d always taken care of her own issues on her own; working with another person in this capacity was almost foreign to her. “You know her better than I do, could we have her tell Snoke that she was mistaken?”

“Snoke is not so easily fooled.” They both paused at the way he spoke, Rey frowning and Ben gently shaking his head. “It wouldn’t do anything to go to Phasma and ‘convince’ her to tell Snoke that she was lying.”

Rey said nothing at his statement, instead forcing herself to move and pack what she could. The two of them moved about the flat in a flurry, forced to take inventory of exactly what they wanted to bring with them to their new lives. While they could return to Chicago, even return to the flat, she doubted that she’d want to.

She had her laptop, her camera, her phone, toiletries, her documents, some of her favorite tops, and Ben. That was all that she needed. Her soulmate seemed set on narrowing down which of his possessions he needed, although most of his flat _had_ been decorated by Rey and he had few personal items lying around. Rey knew that his books were a high priority, but that he plenty on his laptop and would always be able to find them later, not that she would _tell_ him that; Ben was particularly attached to his literature.

They were out the door within the hour, Rey with her duffle back strapped across her chest and resting over back while Ben had his own over his shoulder. The bags weren’t exactly the best for transporting their laptops, their documents, or their money, but it was convenient enough that they would tolerate it.

They made their way downstairs, briskly stepping out of the apartment building. The sky above was typical of Chicago at four am, a hazy grey tinged with faint stains of orange; Rey missed when she could look up at the sky and see only stars.

“Taxi?” she asked.

“Taxi.”  

They managed to flag one down and direct it towards Midway airport, sitting together in silence as the vehicle navigated through the eerily lit city.

Rey looked at her soulmate whom she had inadvertently pressed up against. Their duffle bags were on their laps, and his gaze was focused on the city landscape that they were passing by, jaw set. She wondered what they would face after their stop in New York, if they were ready for Snoke.

While they were together they would be weaker than in they were apart, she knew this. They’d discussed how Rey was to go in first, alone, followed by Ben a good distance behind, and then she would have to take whatever opportunity she had in order to would Snoke enough to stop him. If they were together and up against a supremely powerful being, the odds were fairly stacked against them.

At least, Rey reassured herself, they had the blades.

She looked up at Ben and reached a hand up, palm brushing up the side of his cheek before he turned his attention to her. Rey had considered saying something comforting, something that would ground them both of them, but it seemed that her soulmate had another idea.

Ben shifted, moving to gently wrap his hand around her throat, thumb on her chin. They stayed that way for several moments, shifting faintly with the moment of the vehicle. Before she could say anything, he tipped his head to the side as he leaned down, catching Rey’s lips in a kiss.

Ben’s kisses were always the slightest bit possessive, dark, and filled with absolute adoration. Rey tipped her head and deepened the kiss, shifting her hand from his cheek to his hair as she tugged him closer. She tried to ignore the situation that they were in, still in the back of the taxi with possible impending doom looming around every corner.

She let herself kiss him without restraint, although despite the situation, it seemed that neither of them were rushed. She tugged his hair when they parted, noses brushing against one another.

Rey buried her face into Ben’s neck and she shifted to allow his arm to wrap around her. In the process of moving, she gripped his jacket and his fingers dug into her side, almost bruising. She let herself soak in his touches despite the pain, trying to push away the worries that plagued the both of them.  

-

For all her time in the world, Rey had never been in a personal jet. She had heard about them and seen them in media, but had never considered the possibility that she ever would get a chance to ride in one, let alone twice in one day. She should have expected that Hux had access to such things, but none of it sank in until they walked along the tarmac and boarded the plane.

Ben sat next to her in the plush seats and Rey found herself gawking at exactly how _nice_ everything was inside the plane. The seats were leather, there seemed to actually be space for them to sit, and the entire thing felt downright cozy. At any other time, she would’ve killed to be able to take a look at the guts of the plane, but at the moment she only speculated what it contained.

With their duffle bags on the floor, Rey kept herself distracted by toying with her phone, left hand in Ben’s right. She was unable to say anything that didn’t express worry or concern about whatever their future held. She could feel the undercurrent of his own nervous energy, the way that he tried to read without a worry but occasionally squeezed her hand out of habit of clenching his fists.

Maybe, she considered, she should give some rousing speech or something of the sort that would get them in the proper spirits for their confrontation, but all she could do was worry and feel the tug of sleep in the back of her mind. Halfway through the flight she shifted and rested her head on Ben’s shoulder, trying to let the tension out of her system as much as she could. While they would need it later when confronting Snoke, it was hardly doing any good at the moment so she succumbed to her exhaustion. She drifted in and out of sleep before they had to buckle up again and they landed in an airport just outside of NYC.

Rey groaned when they landed staggered out into the early morning darkness, her hand firmly in her soulmate’s. There was a cab waiting for them once inside, they sat silently, her unable to do anything but cling to his presence. Her mind wandered back to times when she’d made use of combat skills, almost as if reviewing for whatever awaited them after New York.

Rey had faced monsters in the world, had even killed a few. She’d faced a number of people who had no redeeming qualities in the world, whose absence had immediately made the world a better place. Sure, when she had faced such people, they typically weren’t immortals and she hadn’t needed to use an immortal blade, but they were intimidating in their own right.

Over the years she’d gotten confident at her combat abilities and when she’d faced off with Ben for the first time, it had been a moment to prove herself. She thought back to their scrapes, with her kicking and biting, doing _anything_ in her ability to counteract his height and sheer size. Rey had ultimately been faster than him, nimbler, and more used to outmaneuvering someone than he had been.

Ben had stomped around and it had been terribly obvious that he was used to relying on his strength and superiority in combat rather than actually honing his skill. Talking to him during their time in Chicago, she learnt that she’d even cut his face open during one of their encounters with her pocket knife; he’d almost lost an eye.

They reached the flat and once inside, Rey stood in the living room, staring at the print that hung on the far wall, the black and white image of Ben reading. He was already moving about their room, clearly unable standing still for as long as she was. The lift ride up had consisted of him clenching his fists in silence, glare directed at the doors before they opened.

She didn’t envy the pain that she was sure Snoke would feel once her soulmate reached him.

Rey’s mind finally kicked into action as she saw the blade being carried by her soulmate into the living room. Ben had the one from Chicago in his bag, wrapped up in a towel, and so the second one was hers. She took it from him wordlessly, turning it over in her hand with a tired expression.

There was a moment as they both stared at the weapon, the reality of the situation looming over their shoulders, lurking in the back of their minds.

“Together?” Rey thought that she heard her voice echo in the quiet space. Ben’s gaze softened before he nodded.

“Together.”

-

Before they left and headed back to the airport, Rey popped into the bedroom, looking for the small picture that had been sitting on the nightstand, the black and white one of her laughing. She had always liked it, no matter how conceited it might make her appear to carry around a picture of herself.

Bag still over her shoulder, she walked over to where the frame was, and found that the smaller picture was gone. The frame sat in the same position as she had left it weeks ago, the picture had simply been removed.

Rey returned to the living room and spied Ben staring at his leftover collection of alcohol tucked away in his kitchen cabinets, his own bag at his feet. Of course he would we even consider making such a shitty decision. She shook her head and walked over to him, watching as he closed the cabinet door.

“Probably not a good idea, Solo.”

“Like I don’t know.”

They stood side-by-side, Ben’s gaze hovering on the cabinet and Rey’s on his face. He was thinking, that much she could _feel_ , but she was glad that his nervous energy was far less _unsure_ than her own. Rey knew that once he was set on something and was committed to it, he would throw all of himself at it, even if it killed him. That’s exactly what worried her. Ben Solo had been killed several hundred years ago and now that he was back, he was looking for revenge.

Rey didn’t know how long they stood shoulder to shoulder, lost in their own thoughts and unwillingness to leave, but when she felt Ben shift, her thoughts snapped back to the present. She realized how close they were to finishing it all, to facing the monster in the closet, whatever the results of it were. She wondered if her soulmate realized how much she appreciated his company, everything he offered. She still hadn’t said that she loved him, something that she almost felt guilty for.

“Ben-”

“You don’t have to say anything,” he interjected, still not looking at her.

“You don’t know what I’m going to say,” she muttered. Rey shifted and removed the annoying weigh on her, dropping the duffle bag to the ground with a dull thud.

He met her gaze at the sound, expression tense and withheld. While Ben was generally expressive, she hated when he put up a mask of indifference, when he worked so hard to be perceived as strong; it helped no one.

“I know what’s at stake” he started, “what could happen if things don’t go as planned; I’m not an idiot.”

“I wasn’t about-”

“You don’t have to say anything about how you feel about me.” Rey opened her mouth to contradict him but found nothing to correct. “You don’t need to.”

She watched his shoulders relax a fraction, hands unclenching as he seemed to process something. Rey leaned into him, one arm wrapping around his neck and the other sliding around his side, angled so that she should grab onto his shoulder and pull him even closer. She raised herself to her maximum height, standing on the tips of her toes as their noses brushed one another. He responded in kind, wrapping his around her, one hand moving to the side of her neck, thumb on her jaw.

Ben’s eyes were a dark, rich brown that she would never get tired of being greeted with.

“We’re going to kill Snoke,” Rey murmured. “ _And_ we’re both going to make it, we’re going to be safe, get away,” she wasn’t sure who she was trying to comfort as her voice began to shake. She dug her fingers into his shoulders, and pressed her face against his collarbone. “We’re going to go to Italy, where you’re going to show me where you were born, where everything happened, the good and the bad.”

They held onto one another for what felt like hours, the both of them finding comfort in the touches of each other and her words. They stood together, his chin resting on the top of her head as she eventually gave up, trying to hide from the gravity of the situation. Rey was aware of how capable a woman she was, but that fell away when there was the possibility that it could all end with one mistake, that he could die and she would be alone, again.  

Later, they would have to be focused, would have to be ready to make sacrifices, but for the moment, she just wanted to be weak.

“You’re going to have to take me to Russia sometime,” Ben murmured after what felt like another couple of hours.

“But you hate rye bread and _икра_.” She’d made him try some while they were in Chicago and he’d been thoroughly unimpressed.

“We’ll make it work.”

“And we’ll grow old.” The very idea made something in her heart speed up. “You’ll get grey hair.”

“What if I go bald?” Rey could _hear_ the smile in his voice and clung to him tighter.

“It’d be a shame, but we’ve overcome worse things.”

“Like you trying to kill me.”

She pressed a soft kiss against his neck before she slowly extracted herself. “ _Every_ time you bring that up.”

Rey gave his hand a squeeze as they parted, letting her gaze finally fall to the bags at their feet. The reality of everything slowly began to sink back in. She grabbed her back as Ben did the same, sharing a look before he went to turn off the lights and she fished out the keys to lock up the flat.

They weren’t done yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh I wanted one last moment for these two before everything got too serious... Anyway, let me know what you think and we'll see how Snoke fares soon enough.
> 
> Want some songs that I've been listening to get into the writing mood? Here are two:  
> Bury Me Face Down - grandson  
> Gun In My Hand - Dorothy


	17. At Long Last

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Use your knuckles.”  
> “Might be bloody.”  
> “Ben.”  
> “Fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get this out, but it's been a trip and I wanted to get it out when it felt natural, not all forced and painful, so here we go! I have a few edits of this fic on my blog if you're interested, but those will be linked at the end. There WILL be an epilogue after this, so keep your eyes peeled. :')

Rey and Ben returned to the airport, picking up a rental car in lieu of taking a flight. Ben had gotten a short call from Hux advising them to take that mode of transportation to Maine instead of a flight and they hadn’t argued. Rey took the wheel, her situated settled in the passenger seat and their bags in the seats behind them.

“Where are we headed?” she asked, pulling up the map app on her phone.

Ben glanced up from his phone. “Hux texted me the address, here.” He typed said information into Rey’s phone before leaning back into his seat.

“Do you think that he might’ve warned Snoke about us?”

Ben looked out the window, glancing at the cars around them. “Snoke might suspect that something’s going on in the background, something that I,’m not telling him everything about, but not that we’re after him.” There was a brief pause. “He wouldn’t think that I’m capable of this, not after so long.”

“After,” Rey set her phone between the two of them once the map was set up, the route plotted out, “after all of this with Snoke, will Phasma stop? Will she let us be?”

“She might be angry that her main source of employment has been fucked up.”

“And Hux?”

“He’ll let us be.”

Rey raised a brow and put the car in drive, soon pulling out of the car park and onto the main road. “I suppose he’s helped us so far, although I don’t know why he’d want Snoke dead.”

“He knows that he can’t stop us, even if he wanted to.”

She found herself surprised at Ben’s faith in them. “About Snoke, what do we know about where he’s at, besides the location?”

Ben pulled out his phone once more and sighed. “I’ll call him and see.” Rey tried to ignore the indignation that rose up from the pit of her stomach, something that roiled at Hux’s name.

Before she had gotten to know her soulmate, when she had first learned about Ben’s work under Snoke, Rey had also learned about Hux’s name. Her distain for him had grown from the very first mention and as she learned more about the jobs that he completed, something else. He was an accomplished torturer, was the face for various groups guided by Snoke, and although Ben trusted the man enough to work with him, Rey didn’t. Everything about Hux was wrong.  

She was prepared for the possibility that Hux could turn on them, whether that meant that he would call in reinforcements on Snoke’s behalf, or that he simply would report her and Ben’s intentions to the police. They _did_ have weapons on them and various illegal documents in the car; if they were arrested, there was little chance that they would be free anytime soon.

The phone was placed on speakerphone as Ben held it between them. Rey bit her tongue when Hux answered the phone and her soulmate caught him up with where they were.

Ben finally touched on the topic of Snoke’s estate, tone tense as he broached the subject. Hux’s tone remained professional when they spoke, as if none of their actions were about to change any of their futures.  

“It’s a large beach house, although the beach itself is nothing to look at, just rocks that lead down to a pier.”

“Does Snoke own a boat?”

“Not that I’m aware of.”

There was a pause as Rey and Ben seemed to wait for more information, something else that they could use in their approach to the house. While her soulmate had called to avoid leaving a trail of texts, both of them knew that their contact would have something to say about what would happen afterwards.

Their suspicions were confirmed when Hux spoke only moments later.

“About Phasma,” he paused, “just don’t.”

“Do you think that’s we’re a threat?” Rey pushed, earning a curious look from Ben.

After everything, she hadn’t forgotten what Phasma had done, or rather, failed to do to her. Rey had been left on the beach with nothing and nobody at her side, no guidance whatsoever; in her eyes, Phasma deserved _something_ for that type of treatment.

“Don’t,” Hux reiterated.

“Or what?”

“Don’t forget where you’re headed.”

There was another silence, the landscape slowly turning into woods. Rey bit the inside of her cheek. “Fine.”

Ben quickly settled things with the other immortal and looked out the passenger side window, frown stuck on his face.

“We’ve got this,” Rey tried, working to keep her tone as hopeful as she could.

“I know, but do you have a plan?”

She sighed and hesitated from dragging her gaze from the road and staring at her soulmate. They had developed a vague one, but as it was, they did not have a step-by-step concept of what they would do. Rey knew that they both had immortal blades, but there was the fact that Snoke was likely to have one as well. The immortal that they would be facing could also have a weapon as well, and as long as she and Ben were together, it could still cause damage. If they were to get away with murder, they couldn’t leave behind evidence.

“Not exactly,” she confirmed.

Ben’s tone remained serious, focused. “Me either.”

“We’ve two blades and he only has one.” Her glaze flicked over to her soulmate. “Would he have a gun or something like that on him?”

“Last I saw him, he didn’t need one.”

She grimaced. “Only one of us should go in, that way we’re not,” she sighed at the lack of a better word, “weak.”

“You said that I could kill him.”

“You will.” She wasn’t one who enjoyed being left on the sidelines, sitting with nothing to do, but she wouldn’t rob him of that ending to his story. “But I want to help; you’re not alone in this.”

There was another silence, although a more comfortable one than before. She could sense him mulling everything over, taking their strengths and weaknesses into consideration.

“Can Hux get someone to clean up after us?” she pressed after some time, towns and forests passing them by.

Ben raised a brow and she got the distinct impression that her soulmate had already come up with a solution. “I was thinking of setting the place on fire.”

Subtle. “And the police?”

“Hux can intervene then, probably.”

“People aren’t just going to ignore a decapitated body in the middle of a scorched house.”

“If they’re desperate for a lead, Hux can give them a scapegoat.”

Rey worried her lip between her teeth, finally letting out a breath as she attempted to relieve the tension in her shoulders. “We can pick stop at a petrol station somewhere here; they’re bound to check stations closer to the scene of the crime.”

Ben looked impressed. “You really were paying attention to those shitty crime shows.”

“When you’re not all over me.” She had meant for it to come out as a retort, but instead it sounded like an invitation. It was a distraction she didn’t need, considering their destination, although her soulmate just smirked.

The drive to Snoke’s place was estimated to take around seven hours, and when they left the airport’s car rental lot it had been around four in the evening. While Rey wasn’t one for night driving, she planned on having Ben take over for her when it did get later, driving them all the way to Snoke’s place. As for the initial stretch of the trip, she found the driving an exercise in relaxation.

She and Ben had the option to take a flight to Portland and then drive to the isolated house, but in the end, they’d been too paranoid and Hux’s suggestion had only cemented their decision. They had been concerned that if someone looked into their activities, that they might make the connection; there was no knowing who would step up once Snoke was gone.

 On the dark road lit by the lone headlights, they agreed to take a private plane set up by Hux once they finished with Snoke. From the airport, they would head to Italy, and from there, to their new life.

By the time they switched drivers, they’d already picked up the petrol, had the blades in the back seat, and had even developed a sense of a plan.

Ben look the wheel a few hours into the ride and Rey rested in the passenger seat, finding the transition between drivers amusing. She watched in amusement as her soulmate was forced to adjust the seat and mirrors drastically, frowning all the while. In the end, all she had to do was scoot her chair close to the dashboard, earning a playful frown from him.  

They drove in relative silence, Ben’s gaze focused on the road although it would occasionally wander to Rey. She managed to sleep for a couple of hours, finally waking to the feeling of the car pulling over. Sitting in the darkness at the side of the road, she panicked for a moment before she realized that they weren’t at Snoke’s place.

“We’re a half an hour away,” Ben comforted her, “I thought you might want to wake up before, well, everything.” His tone was wrong, he was trying to sound too casual, like he wasn’t ready to gut his old master, like he wasn’t worried that everything would go wrong.

Rey could feel the worry worm its way into her thoughts, although she took solace in the fact that she had seen Ben kill before; she knew that he could do it. She knew that once they entered Snoke’s place, that Ben could get the job done, despite the years of servitude under his old master.

Rey had seen him angry, had seen the righteousness that came with his frustrations and hundreds of years under Snoke’s thumb. She doubted that she would even get a chance to get at Snoke with her soulmate’s drive for revenge, that she would have to be the one to call Hux and tell him that it was all done. From what she knew, Ben wouldn’t be in any state to speak to Hux if everything went well.  

Rey pulled the blades out from the back seat and handed one to Ben, looking her own over in sick anticipation in the yellow haze of the car’s overhead light. Outside the car they were surrounded by black woods that gave nothing away, despite the fact that Snoke lived in a partially residential area.  

She was ready to get rid of Snoke, to rid the world of a man who had so much ill-gotten power and control, who had been in Ben’s head for so long. She knew that the death of such a monster wouldn’t end everything, wouldn’t fix anything he had done to Ben or had threatened to do to her, but it would be a step in the right direction.

“You still want to go in the house first?” Rey asked, running her palm along the flat side of the blade. They were still seated in the front of the car, her soulmate in the driver’s seat with his seatbelt unbuckled and seat leant back for comfort. If Ben got the opportunity, she wasn’t sure if she would even get the chance. She had gone through so much traveling to and complications to get the second blade, but it was looking like she might not even need it.

Ben toyed with the weapon in his hand before he set it against his leg. “I’ll pretend that I’m innocent when I enter, that I just wanted to meet him, and the moment he turns away-” he shrugged, apparently done with narrating his thoughts.

Rey glanced up from her weapon. “When will I know to come in and join you?” Too soon and they’d both be in danger, not soon enough and, well, then there would be no reason for her to come along.

“I can call you.”

“That might leave a trail with the phone records. Just flick the lights on and off, maybe?” Ben gave her a look and so she shrugged. “It’ll work if nothing else.”

“Fingerprints?”

“Use your knuckles.”

“Might be bloody.”

“ _Ben_.”

“Fine.”

Rey looked at her soulmate, grip tightening on the blade as she took in the lines of his face, the seriousness of his expression. In the back of her mind sat the thought that she would never see him happy again if they failed, that nothing would go their way, that everything they were doing was for naught.

She set her blade on the floor of the car and leaned over to Ben. Bringing both of her hands to hold his face, she locked gazes with him in attempt to stop whatever train of thought he was stuck on. She wasn’t sure if it was out of impulse or part of an attempt to help the both of them, or both, but she kissed him.

Rey pressed against Ben like she wished she had the first time that she had seen him when he’d arrived in Chicago, she kissed him out of worry that she wouldn’t get another change. Rey heard his knife fall to the floor and as soon as the realization registered in her mind, his hands were on her, dragging her to him. She followed his lead, trying to savor it as much as she could.

One of his hands tangled in her hair and the other settled on her hip, fingers possessive and demanding as usual. Rey sighed into his mouth and used both hands to tug his hair in an attempt to drag him impossibly closer, everything screaming for her to stay, stay, stay. Thankfully Ben was persistent with his kisses and Rey never need to do much to encourage his affections.  

They stayed wrapped up in one another in the middle of the darkness, illuminated by the dingy yellow light for longer than Rey would want to admit, only breaking apart to catch their breath. When they broke the kiss, she found her soulmate looking far less concerned than she felt, causing something in her heart to twinge.

“Are you okay?” Ben asked, grip on her hip slowly relaxing, even going so far as to gently massage the spot he’d just bruised.  

“I’m ready for it to end,” she murmured, letting herself relax into his arms. She let herself go, causing Ben to adjust his arms to support her, at least for the moment. “Just give me a minute.”

It was an awkward if not cramped position as Rey forced her soulmate to share the space in the front seat. She bent her knees and rested her face against his neck, one hand playing with his hair. Ben seemed to enjoy the quiet moment despite his eagerness to end Snoke, humoring her by running his thumb along her jaw as they waited.

It was only after several long minutes that he let out a tired sounding sigh and shifted. “We’ve got to get going.”

Rey knew that she was postponing it all too much, gripping on to everything that they still had for fear of what was to come. As she climbed off of her soulmate, her mind wandered back to his statement about how she could never let go. Settling in her seat, she watched Ben’s gears churn as well, his mentality shifting back to the mission at hand. Following his lead, she attempted to set her mind to what might come as the car pulled away from the side of the road and they made their way to Snoke. Nearing the house, Ben cut the headlights of the car before they even rounded the corner of the property.

Snoke’s beach house looked isolated as it sat on the edge of the water, a white two-story shuttered house with a short path leading to a rocky beach. On either side of the small clearing around the building were thick woods blocking neighbors’ views from the house. and they both stared at the seemingly normal house. The lights of the lower floor were on, spiking Rey’s anxiety.

“He doesn’t know we’re coming…” she murmured, more in attempt to comfort herself than Ben.

The sound of the air conditioner running began to sound far too loud and so she turned it off, although that just caused the sound of their breathing coming into focus. Once the car was parked she sank behind the car’s dash in fear of the possibility that Snoke looked out. As Ben put the car in park, Rey gave him a grim look; it was time. After a minute and a half she would finally look over the car’s dash, check that everything was alright, and approach the house.

Ben gave her a somber look, pocketed the blade, and exited the car.

Rey’s ears strained as she listened through the car’s open windows, trying to suppress the urge to fight, to run, to do something at all, as he approached the house. Car windows left open, she heard gravel crunching underfoot as he walked, how it stopped when he stopped at the front door. Ben knocked on the door and the sound nearly gave her a heart attack.

Rey frowned when her soulmate began to speak Italian and who could only be Snoke answered in kind; she was at a sudden loss as to what was occurring. She listened as she assumed Ben offered an explanation for his presence. Snoke responded in kind, tone unsettling if not firm, and Rey thought that she heard the front door shut once more. She didn’t dare look up yet, sitting hunched with her gaze trained on her mobile.

Rey watched as the time on her mobile’s stopwatch ticked on, going from thirty seconds to a minute, to a minute and a half. She finally poked her head over the dashboard and was surprised to see that the lights of the house were already flickering, sending light streaming into the night around her.

Blade in hand, she approached the house with cautious optimism. Everything Rey had lived through, all her experiences with Snoke’s influence, told her to exercise caution no matter what her soulmate might have already done.

The gravel crunched underfoot and the darkness surrounded Rey as she reached the front door. She frowned when she found it locked and when she jiggled the knob, she found herself immediately regretting it. The door, solid wood, gave no hint as to if there was someone on the other side and Rey half considered breaking one of the windows. Before she could act, the front door swung open and she was greeted with the image of a blood-covered Ben.

Blood dripped from his hands and Rey spotted a gash along his right arm, although the blade was no longer in hand. Her soulmate’s gaze was on something past her, his breathing harsh and hands clenched into fists. Staring past him, she was greeted with the image of what she assumed was Snoke’s body stretched out and marred by several stab wounds, blood pooling around him.

The bloody immortal blade was only a few feet away from the man, although she hardly was worried about him at that point. Her concern revolved around her soulmate, her gaze focusing on everything about him that she could.

“Are you okay?” Rey gingerly reached out to Ben’s arm, checking him over once again for injuries. Her fingers skimmed the length of his arm, although she attempted to avoid getting any unnecessary blood on her. Her soulmate vaguely nodded.

As they stood looking at one another, or rather, Rey trying to figure out their next steps, Snoke spoke up. She had thought that he was dead or close to it, but she almost jumped at the realization.  

His voice was low and ominous, although Rey wasn’t sure if that was from him speaking in a foreign language, but the wounds clearly affected how he spoke. The monster’s breaths were ragged and she thought she detected a hint of panic beneath it all.

_"Veramente? Questa cagna?”_

Ben flinched and finally spoke, tone dark and directed at the dying immortal. _“Stai zitto!”_

Rey had only passed briefly in Italy and it had been years ago, but understood Ben well enough. For everything that had happened, she was glad to hear what he had to say; he was telling his old master to shut up.

_"E tu pensi che ti ami? Che per lei valga la pena tutto questo?"_

_“Stai zitto!”_ he repeated, tone all hatred and anger, fists clenched as blood dripped from the fresh injury along his arm.

“Ben, look at me,” Rey placed both of her hands on the sides of his face, trying to force his gaze to meet hers as it still resisted focusing on her. “Don’t listen to him, we’re done.”

_"Perché nomini il ragazzo morto?"_

“Ben, do you hear me?”  

He closed his eyes and leant down to press his forehead against hers, breathing harsh.

Snoke spoke before Rey could again, tone as condescending and insidious as ever, despite the harsh intake of breath. She wondered how Ben could stand being talked to for so long by such a miserable excuse for a person.

_"Pensi che ti possa salvare? Che sia onnipotente?"_

“Ben?”

_"Sei uno spreco di tempo."_

Rey let out a cross between a groan and a shout and pulled away from Ben, grabbing her blade before she could think. She was tired of the creature before her fucking everything up, invading the mind of her soulmate before she could even meet him, ruining any future that they had together, stopping her from living a life that she deserved.

Snoke was barely alive, breath coming erratically as he held onto whatever life was left in it. It was too much, in Rey’s opinion. She hardly noticed her soulmate stepping up beside her as she shifted her grip on the weapon.

Rey let her frustration, her worry, anything and everything Snoke had caused her to feel, carry her forward as she sank her blade into the monster’s chest and through his heart. She blinked as she stared at the blood at her feet, at how it felt to hear the breath leave Snoke, at how the reality of it all barely sank in.

Strong arms pulled her back and Rey released the blade only to find herself in Ben’s arms, his face against her neck and hands at her sides. She knew that his grip would again leave bruises and she didn’t care, letting herself sink her fingers into his shoulders and whatever part of him that she could reach.

The room was filled with the sound of their heavy breathing and the idle hum of the house’s air conditioning unit as the two soulmates held onto one another, trying not to collapse. They were free.

Rey focused on the feeling of Ben’s weight against her, how he clung to her like she was the only thing that existed. It felt powerful to be a god and for a moment, she let herself pretend. She shifted and ran her hands through his hair, pretending that she wasn’t just spreading blood everywhere, pretending that by being held in his arms, she wasn’t thoroughly coated in the mess herself.

Rey couldn’t be sure of how long they stood there next to Snoke’s corpse coating one another in blood, but when they pulled away, she blinked at herself. Ben seemed a bit more clear-headed better as he came to the realization of the state that they were in. In a poor attempt to rectify the mess he had spread, he began to attempt to rub the drying blood of himself, failing.

Rey watched him for a moment before reaching out and stopping him from rubbing at his bloody skin. They could wash it off and then begin to work towards their new life.

“Ben,” she gave him a small smile as he stared at her, panic gone and filled with devotion. “We’re free.”

There was a long pause as it sank in, as they both let themselves believe it.

Finally, he spoke. “Together?”

Rey nodded. “Together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic was never planned out 100% and most of it was by the skin of my teeth, but nonetheless I hope you all enjoyed this labor of love and my first attempt to get back into writing after nearly two years of strictly essays and formal writing. 
> 
> As always, you can find me on tumblr at vvhenan.tumblr.com c:
> 
> If you check my account on here, I'm also working on another fic which I hope you all enjoy! 
> 
> Some edits!  
> http://kyloheyo.tumblr.com/post/163103749553/rey-wakes-up-on-a-beach-far-far-away-from-where  
> https://spacetrashdotgov.tumblr.com/post/163484892104/together-then-together-everyone-should-read  
> http://kyloheyo.tumblr.com/post/163236699228/that-doesnt-make-sense-kylo-that-despite-my


	18. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just an epilogue for those who have been waiting forever for one. c:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh it's been forever and honestly I wasn't sure I was ever going to write something for them again, but here's something short and sweet that I hope you enjoy!

“What number am I thinking of?” Rey asked, voice muffled by the pillow she currently was lying on. Ben was off in the bathroom getting dressed but she’d been reluctant to leave the bed. Clad in one of Ben’s nightshirts, she’d instead opted to sun herself in the warm sunlight pouring through their bedroom window; she’d never get used to the sensation and thus let herself soak it in at every opportunity.

“What?” he asked, sounding distracted.

She rolled onto her back and yawned. “What number am I thinking of?”

“How am I supposed to know?”

“You’re no fun.”

Ben stepped out of the bathroom, clad in black jeans and a black button-up, and Rey pretended as if she didn’t find him horribly attractive. She looked away, squinting at the countryside outside, the rolling hills and thin, winding roads.

“Last night you seemed to think I was plenty fun,” he countered as he approached the bed. He grabbed at her foot and then gingerly tugged at the fabric of the shirt. She squirmed at his teasing but smiled despite her ill-fated attempt to feign a pout.

She waited until he sat back on the bed to shift closer, to hold his hand in hers.

“Maybe,” she teased.

“Maybe? No, I know what your ‘maybe’ sounds like.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

Rey batted her lashes as innocently as possible, although the way his thumb drew small circles on the hand they had interlaced ruined the mood. Given that she had been trying to tease him, however, she didn’t consider it a great loss.

“You haven’t packed, yet,” she pointed out, gaze flicking to his suitcase, half open and propped against the bathroom door.

“I’d consider it better than whatever you call your mess.”

She squeezed his hand. “Are you questioning my packing competency?”

“I’m just saying that there’s no organization to it, at all.” Ben leaned down and stole a horribly chaste kiss, hovering over her like a dark cloud. A dark cloud that she happened to have shared a bed with for the last five years. “Although I think I can excuse it.”

“You could just pack for me, like last time.”

“The last time that I packed for you were very different circumstances.”

“Ah, yes, I remember, you were convinced that we were going to be late for the flight.”

“We  _ were _ late for the flight.”

“And yet we didn’t miss it.” Rey leaned upwards and stole another kiss, threading her free hand through his hair before she pulled him down closer, into a proper kiss.

She took as much as she could, as he was always large, warm, and comforting, and she rarely could find reason to pull away. Carding her hand through his hair, she found that her ring caught in his hair at an odd angle and so they parted momentarily.

“Sorry,” she breathed, blinking and glancing at her hand. She paused for a moment and although Ben had moved to kiss her neck, she froze at what she saw. “Ben,” she started.

“What?” he paused, pulling away to meet her gaze. “You know I don’t care-”

“Not that, look.”

Rey moved her hand between them and they both stared at the grey hair that had gotten caught on her ring. It was Ben’s.

He remained frozen, one of his hands laced with hers while the other braced his upper half against the bed. After a moment, he sat up completely and Rey followed.

“Are there others?” he asked, transfixed by the single strand of hair.

“I didn’t see them but let me look.”

She sat up and hurriedly began carding her hand through his hair once more, trying to contain her excitement. She knew that people their ‘age’ would usually hate grey hairs or find it horrific to find even one, but as she failed to find another, she found her heart sinking. It was an odd thing to want to be normal, to be human.

Dropping her hands to her lap, she shook her head. “There aren’t any more.”

Ben sat up and a frown crossed his features. Rey gave him a small smile.

“There should be, soon enough.”

“At least I’m not bald.”

“Yet,” she pointed out, leaning in to steal a chaste kiss. He tugged at the hem of the long shirt in retaliation.

“Joking about me going bald is not funny,” he complained, sounding far from annoyed. It was a topic that had come up countless times and never failed to amuse Rey. Ben, however, more enjoyed teasing Rey for her merciless jokes.

“Who knows, maybe I’ll go bald too and then we can both hide our heads from the sun.”

Ben pursed his lips. “You mentioned a wig last time, are you no longer considering it?”

“No, but I think you should.”

He pounced on her once more, quite obviously enjoying her squeals of laughter as he tickled Rey until she could hardly breathe. She was panting when he stopped, stretched out against the sheets once more.

Although she was tempted to strip his shirt off right there and then, she was looking forward to the day trip they had planned. It was a simple hike through the Italian countryside surrounding the small manor they’d managed to purchase in the years after Snoke’s death. As most of their income in the first few years had come from Rey’s old accounts – Ben’s were practically empty after the murder of his former mentor – they only had two houses, though it was more than enough for the two of them.

They would be leaving for the London the next day and when they’d woke up, it had been Rey who had suggested the walk. She loved seeing the different plants, listening to the birds, and just generally enjoying her time in the sun. Ben typically came along, trailing after her when she led the way, although when he was asked the best paths to find, he would often discover worn trails in the earth that Rey would often overlook.

Rey reached up and ran her hand through his hair one more, giving him a small smirk.

“You know what I think?” she asked.

“Hm?” He was leaning over her again, poised to kiss her again if he so deigned her worthy.

“I think you’re the worst.”

“The worst what?” He raised a brow. “You’ll have to be specific.”

“Ben,” she huffed, her hand resting on the base of his neck, “that’s too serious. Come here.”

Rey pulled him down into another kiss, one that was languid and slow and gave her time to sink her love into it. After several minutes and her nearly losing her shirt, she pulled away, but only just, their noses brushing against each other.

“I’ve figured it out,” she murmured against his lips.

“And what is this great discovery that you’ve made?” Ben’s gaze met hers, his devotion burning right through her.

“You  _ love _ me.”

“We’re  _ married. _ ” He rolled his eyes. “What’s new?”

“I guess, technically, nothing, but you’re still cute.”

“You’re talking about yourself again.”

Rey stole a kiss and turned her face away before he could try and deepen it, her arms wrapped around his neck.

“No, I was talking about you,” she hummed, smiling innocently.

“You’re lucky I love you.” Ben’s voice was full of false hostility as he kissed her neck, slowly and carefully leaving a trail of warm kisses. His gentleness, from his hands to his kisses betrayed his true feelings as love poured out from his actions.

She hummed and held him close, eyes closing as she soaked in the warmth of the sun and his love. “I suppose I am.” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, you can find me on tumblr @ vvhenan and my beta @ rllysleepygirl .


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